[James Gutierrez]

AIBU 05.04.2024​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/Flashy-Guarantee-930:

Am I being unreasonable for not giving financially towards my son’s wedding?

My oldest son, who's 22 years old, is getting married in June. Financially, my husband and I have supported him a lot throughout his life. We're not wealthy; we're lower middle class and have three other boys to care for, two of whom are adults, and one is 16. We can't afford to provide for them the same way we have for our oldest.

We've given him several things, like his first car, because he helped out a lot and drove his brothers around. Unfortunately, he didn't take care of it, and it got ruined. The same thing happened with other vehicles we lent him.

To settle things, my husband decided to give him our company vehicle, and we're taking him off our car insurance. We simply can't keep supporting him financially.

However, he still expects us to pay for expenses related to the wedding, like the tuxedo. Now, he's even asking us to pay for his honeymoon, which is too much for us.

I find his entitlement shocking. While I've contributed by helping with wedding arrangements and paying for part of the wedding shower, we have other children to consider, and we can't afford to keep footing the bill for things he should be paying for himself as an adult.


We're eager to hear your perspectives, members! Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

 

[Arthur]

I would have kicked him out of the house long ago!

 

[Frank C]

At the age of 22 and getting married, he should be able to show he is capable of paying for things himself. If he is old enough to marry then he is old enough to support himself and his new bride. If he can't financially back himself maybe hold off on the wedding until he is more in control of his finances!!

 

[Joydie]

My husband and I were married in 1968 and didn't have a honeymoon because we couldn't afford it. Whatever happened to the notion that if you can't afford to pay for something, you go without?

In your particular case, I'd discuss with my husband an amount of money that you can afford to provide for each of your boys' weddings. Say $1,000. Tell him that's it, that’s all. He can put it towards whatever he wants, but there'll be no more.

 

[Jest]

what an ungrateful child you have but, i do say you reap what you sow with kids. Today parents go overboard with kids. as the saying goes tough titties.

 

[SirExton]

As we were raised up to leave the nest, be free and fly into, whatever our hearts desired! If you cannot afford it Don't Do It!! Was my mantra were I learned to stand on my own two feet! You have bent over backwards for your children, especially the one who wants to get married, more so than the rest as I see it! Please tell him in such away, that he would look forward to going on a holiday/honeymoon, on his own volition.
As Mrs. Brown's Boys Mrs. Brown would want to say "Feck Off, Ya Freeloader!"
2 B Sure! 2 B Sure!
And the world keeps revolving as it should!
Take care and stay safe Mum and Dad of this Free Loader!
Regards
Phil

 

[Witty]

Maybe you could pay for the HIRE of a tuxedo. No way should you pay for their honeymoon. What are the bride's parents paying for? Don't give in to your son - he must understand that there is a limit to your finances. Best of luck

 

[DrivingGirl]

what an ungrateful child you have but, i do say you reap what you sow with kids. Today parents go overboard with kids. as the saying goes tough titties.

Bit harsh- we don’t all deserve the kids we have, good and bad

 

[Dennis]

Dennis R's. Afternoon Joke. A couple was driving down a country road when they started to have an argument. As they passed a barnyard full of mules, cows and pigs, the husband turned to his wife and asked sarcastically, Relatives of yours? Yep the wife replied, they're my in laws.

 

[sketchy01]

I agree with you hun. You have paid for his upbringing, he should start his adult life by paying his own way for things that he wants, like getting married etc. when he wants children, does he expect you to give birth to? I know that is going right too far, just seems like something he might want!

 

[Sockjoan]

When my husband and I got married (mid-1960s) it was generally considered that the bride’s family paid for the wedding.

 

[Colleen M]

I have two daughters, both got brand new cars when they got their licenses, so we knew they were in safe cars. We helped with a furniture package when they left home. However, when it came to weddings we only contributed a couple of thousand dollars to each. In my mind weddings are a total waste of money, we were married at home and had a small reception in a private room at a pub. Thank goodness we didn't pay for their weddings, as both ended in divorce within ten years, hubby and i still going strong forty plus years later. Also, your son sounds very immature to me, sorry, just my opinion!

 

[Onebadnanna]

He’s old enough to get married it’s time he grew up and took responsibility for his and his wife’s life. Don’t let them live with you either you will not be doing them any favours. They both have to GROW UP.

 

[Suzanne rose]

what an ungrateful child you have but, i do say you reap what you sow with kids. Today parents go overboard with kids. as the saying goes tough titties.

Your so nasty

 

[Suzanne rose]

I would sit him down and tell him you don't have the money.

I believe what you give one child you have to give all the children.

I worked in bridal up to 3 years ago and let me tell you most brides n grooms paid for their own weddings.

I have 13 kids and 8 are now married .
We give $5000 as a wedding gift and I also do the bridal shower.

I had to leave work due to illness and couldn't give the last 2 a gift but they were so understanding. They will get their gifts next month.

I believe you give what your comfortable with.

Did you know 20 years ago and before , it was the brides family who paid. Now 95% of the brides n grooms pay because weddings have now gone over the top.

Sit him down and tell him straight that you are not in a position to pay.

 

[Margaret H Jackson]

Tell him to get a job and start being a responsible adult otherwise he will never grow up.

 

[JenH23]

If he thinks he's grown up enough to get married, he's old enough to get on with his own life and pay his own way. You have helped him already and he's just taken advantage so you are not doing the wrong thing by not paying for his honeymoon. Let him work and save up for it himself and if he can't afford it then don't get married or go on one later. He sounds like a child to me so the marriage probably will be another waste of money.

 

[natalielocket]

Surely he and his Partner are in work. You have done enough. It seems to me that he has grown into a Selfish Individual. Good Luck.

 

[MariaG]

It is the groom's responsibility to pay for his own attire, the drink tab, and most definitely the honeymoon.
The only thing you are obliged to do is gift the couple whatever you can afford. The obvious choice would be money. Money gifts could quite easily go toward the honeymoon.
Talk to him, and his fiance. Tell them what your situation is, and, if you are gifting money, tell them how much.
Put everything out in the open and be honest.
Sounds to me your boy has some growing up to do. Mummy doesn't have to baby her boy any more. Just like a child, he is expecting Mummy to fix things. He is a big boy now and needs a lesson on how the real world works. Time for Mummy to become mum.

 

[Mumzie_1954]

If he is man enough to get married, he should be man enough to put his hand in his pocket to pay. I also realise what you are going through (as a parent). If he wants to get married so badly, why cant they elope and save everyone the hassle - or have a small garden ceremony for family.