[Athena E.]

AIBU 04.11.2024​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/Training-Baby2:

Am I being unreasonable for refusing to host family dinners after everyone bailed on mine?

'I (24, Female) come from a family that loves big Sunday dinners, and we’ve always taken turns hosting. Lately, though, it feels like I’m the only one actually holding up my end of the bargain.'

'Every time it’s my turn to host, my siblings and even my parents seem to come up with last-minute excuses to skip. The last time I prepared a full meal, my sister cancelled an hour before because she “wasn’t feeling well,” and my brother had “work stuff.” I spent hours prepping and even made special dishes that everyone usually loves. This has happened several times now, and I’m starting to feel like my effort isn’t being appreciated.'

'Last week, it was my mum’s turn to host, and everyone showed up—no excuses, no last-minute cancellations. Now, my turn is coming up again, and I don’t feel like going through all the effort when no one ever shows up.'

'When I told my family that I was thinking of skipping my turn and letting someone else host, they got upset. My dad said I was being dramatic and that it’s just how family is sometimes, but I can’t help but feel like I’m always the one getting the short end of the stick.'

'Am I unreasonable for refusing to host family dinners when no one ever shows up to mine?'

 

[Willie0421]

No I don’t think so
You could always carry on being the bigger person and hosting the Meals regardless of Attendance Numbers but that won’t resolve this issue by the sounds of things
However having said that I believe that your Family Members are being extremely selfish and inconsiderate and clearly have no respect for the Financial Restraints that most Households are suffering from these days
By cooking all this food for People that don’t show up, leaves you with multiple leftovers to eat for days on end or even worse the food gets wasted
Until you get a guaranteed equal playing field stop doing it but I would make a few enquires among specifically trusted Family Members as to why this is the case especially if the no shows are only relatively recent
It could be a minor issue that could be easily resolved by just talking to each other
Good Luck

 

[Towing]

Maybe you and your parents should have a quiet conversation about the situation. Make them realize it is not just "a one off". you are supplying the food so there's a number of people suddenly not coming do you manage to store and eat the surplus food or does it end up being wasted? (and your money too). Maybe your parents could ask why the others they didn't give you more notice, especially your brother. It's like accepting a wedding invitation (for 2), then deciding a few days before and not letting the host & hostess know. (the excuse was getting large electrical equipment installed by a tradie). Somebody found out the day of the wedding and told the Mother of the Groom or they would been worried they had an accident.

 

[Bullwinkle]

Stand firm and refuse to do it again…..then you can pull out of everyone else’s family dinners at the last minute, then they will all know how it feels..

 

[Zuki]

Understand where you come from. I was once told “I’ll come if I don’t have something better to do” - beat that! Give them spaghetti every time Say I.

 

[Glucose]

Maybe you're not as good a cook as you think you are and this is them all saying "No thanks, don't like your food". Maybe you need to take the hint!!

 

[Andrew]

Give your family an ultimatum, one last chance. If they don't come, you're out.

 

[what]

NO! You are not being unreasonable at all - if the family, who bailed or didn't turn up, are putting pressure on you to keep making dinners they may or may not come to, say nothing and just be OUT that day, let them turn up to an empty house. OR if you can't do that just do cheese toasties when (if) they arrive. AND do not make excuses for yourself you have done nothing wrong.

 

[CliffE]

I would ask each family member what they would like when it is your turn to cook then don't do any of it, when they ask you when your dinner is on give them an excuse that's better than theirs.

Many years ago my wife and I invited her sister and new boyfriend around for dinner at 8 pm, at 11 pm they turned up drunk as sailors on payday. My wife and I had changed into our PJ's and sat at the table waiting, we had already eaten, we told them dinner was over and cold in the fridge, btw they both had a Maccas chip box in their hands. To add insult to injury two days later my sister-in-law phones me and says "By the way when are you having that dinner you told me about?"

 

[Mummanew]

Maybe you're not as good a cook as you think you are and this is them all saying "No thanks, don't like your food". Maybe you need to take the hint!!

I came here to say just that

 

[Mrtnst]

It depends upon how many times your family has let you down, how you get along with each other and how they have responded to your decision.

If it's more than a few times, and you haven't had any serious arguments between you during recent prior events, then it appears to be a real problem.

Your father not understanding your feelings is, sadly, not surprising.

Us men are frequently rather insensitive about things like this. We don't often do the work involved and therefore don't know how difficult and stressful it can be.

I would sit down with your mother and talk it through with her. It may be that there is something reasonable explanation for their apparent lack of consideration.

However if, after your announcement, none of them respond with either an apology or explanation, then you are definitely not being unreasonable.

 

[magpie1]

Speak to your mother and ask her to ring all concerned whether they will be there or not....then just cook for those that have said yes to her....her involvement might just have greater sway with regard to their responses....she can let them all know your feelings and coming from her side just might be enough to get more involved....if that still doesn't work, then stop any further lunches and let someone else prepare for the hosting job....you've done your bit now it's up to someone else in the family to do theirs. Good Luck.

 

[Joydie]

I came here to say just that

Bit disrespectful. If that's the problem, why would you not have the intestinal fortitude to say so? I can't cook for nuts, but I'm good at lots of other things, including respecting people's feelings.

I have two possible solutions. Instead of the host doing all the cooking, have family members take it in turns to bring a course, or cook the course at the host's house.

Alternatively, if you really want to drive the point home, don't cook at all until everyone arrives, then order a home delivery of Macca's. If you're feeling generous, maybe pizza or Chinese.

 

[dianearnold]

You could wait to see who turns up and then order take away.

 

[MariaG]

My family used to take turns hosting Xmas day. Not just dinner. It was lunch and dinner (buffet style)...as well as the usual nibbles on the table all day.
We never had problems like this because each family member brought a couple of plates (with food on them), their own drinks, and the more the merrier.
The only criteria for each house that whoever was hosting was to check with each person on the list to make sure there was no double up of food, and, make sure they would be there.
This began because it became too much for each person to do all the cooking for such a big group. It did well for years, and, nobody complained about the cooking.
I would suggest that the person on this post put out an announcement. Everybody needs to know how she is feeling, and, ignore anyone who decides she is being dramatic. Open communication is the only way to solve a problem like this. Stewing on it can only be negative.
Would be much nicer if everyone gets together and brings their own food offering with them, or, just have good old fashioned BBQ.

 

[Luckyus]

Understand where you come from. I was once told “I’ll come if I don’t have something better to do” - beat that! Give them spaghetti every time Say I.

Out of a bloody can.

 

[Luckyus]

This has happened several times now, and I’m starting to feel like my effort isn’t being appreciated.' I wouldn't bother sod them.

 

[Veggiepatch]

Out of a bloody can.

A dented one....

 

[richmich.4422@gmail]

What I'd do, is, buy a packet of Jatz bickies, a tin of sardines, an ordinary size jar of three 3's pickles & a dozen little boys. have 'em set out on the table. Then wait to see who turns up. At least you certainly won't break the bank on costings.

Novezar.

 

[Veggiepatch]

What I'd do, is, buy a packet of Jatz bickies, a tin of sardines, an ordinary size jar of three 3's pickles & a dozen little boys. have 'em set out on the table. Then wait to see who turns up. At least you certainly won't break the bank on costings.

Novezar.

Give them a loaf of week old bread, anchovies, Capilano honey and some hundreds and thousands. If they didn't eat it then they wouldn't get a glass of homemade green cordial severely diluted with boiling water.