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Athena E.

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AIBU 01.07.2024

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/Level100Bellibolt:

Am I being unreasonable for confronting my friend about his new religion?​



'Me and my friends were hanging for the first time in a long time, we all have been friends since little kids. However one of my friends, let’s call him “Max” has recently converted to a new religion has been very adamant upon his views upon life and politics in day to day discussion.'

'At first it didn’t bother me, and I was really happy for his new discovery and view point on life. That was until he started preaching every single time we talked, and started judging me upon his dietary restrictions, views, and religious rules as if I followed the same religion.'

'I let it slide multiple times thinking possibly he would stop. To this day he has not stopped. I am truly really happy for him, and his religion has given him a lot of new motivation that I have never seen in him, he has stopped a lot of bad habits he used to have such as smoking, and sleeping around. He has also been a big help within the friends group, being super generous, paying for our food, and even giving out charity randomly, helping us with school work etc. But every time we have a discussion remotely about anything it would turn religious.'



'I decided to confront him about it after he started showing resentment towards certain groups of people, telling him I’m happy he’s religious but to not push his view points on to me, because frankly I’m not In a position in my life to care about religion. I guess he took it really negative, and told my friends that I told him off about his religion, and that I didn’t appreciate the “new him” but that wasn’t the case at all. Now my friends don’t want to speak to me to much, and are avoiding interactions with me. Am I being unreasonable?'
 
This story reminded me of my husband’s brother who found religion a few years ago. I was happy for him as I thought it might turn him into a better person, it didn’t! His wife left him so he followed her & his children home to the state where he’d grown up,saying he wanted to save his marriage but he spent his entire trip trying to convert his siblings & mother to his beliefs. It didn’t work so he flew home & cut us all off, on the basis of us being heathens. He eventually remarried & returned to live in Tasmania but we have limited contact. Most of us turned up to his 60th birthday party 10 years ago where he singled us all out & ranted about how worried he was because none of us were going to heaven. The family group consisted of a few Catholics, uniting church members including 2 ministers. His wife couldn’t understand why we all shunned his 70th.
People should keep their religious beliefs to themselves especially when they belong to some happy clappy cult.
 
I always say politics and religion should be up to the individual. But no one has the right to dictate to you about these subjects. I am an athiest who has a good catholic friend. We appreciate each others point of view therefore have been friends forever.
👏👏👏 And so say all of us (here in our home, anyway)!
 
I truly don't think you are being unreasonable. If your friend has found a religion which brings him peace that is fantastic, but he truly should not push it on you or anyone else. It is very sad that he is judging others for the way they choose to live. Also telling your friends you don't appreciate his new religion is being very childish. It sounds like brainwashing. Sadly this friendship might have run its course with Max. Maybe you could talk to your group of friends away from Max and explain how you feel so they are aware that you are not feeling the way Max is painting you.
Good luck.
Kind regards to all Vicki
 
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In 1984, l believe it was, my family & l started to attend church & soon became entrenched in this 'new life for us', with my wife & l later taking up senior positions there. Family, friends & workmates knew about this but never asked & l never preached to them.

In 1988 when l changed jobs workmates were aware of my beliefs & occasionally this would be a subject of teasing when, for example they were worried about rain (we worked outdoors), l'd say, 'lt won't rain', l would be asked if l had spoken to someone upstairs.

I chose to be a 'silent witness' & show by my actions. Years later when my brother asked why l had sought religion l simply stated, 'l felt something was missing in my life'. Surprisingly he also did likewise in another church. Neither of us preached to the other.

When collecting for my Church in Perth City & someone stopped & started 'sprouting to me', l'd politely say to them, 'YOU ARE PREACHING TO THE CONVERTED'. This usually stopped them in their tracks & they quickly retreated.

Only if asked a question about religion should a believer express their opinion. Nobody likes this imposed upon them nor should another person use someone's unwillingness to have this pushed upon them as a reason for pushing them away as a friend.
Every person has a right to an opinion without persecution.
 
Last edited:
In 1984, l believe it was, my family & l started to attend church & soon became entrenched in this 'new life for us', with my wife & l later taking up senior positions there. Family, friends & workmates knew about this but never asked & l never preached to them.

In 1988 when l changed jobs workmates were aware of my beliefs & occasionally this would be a subject of teasing when, for example they were worried about rain (we worked outdoors), l'd say, 'lt won't rain', l would be asked if l had spoken to someone upstairs.

I chose to be a 'silent witness' & show by my actions. Years later when my brother asked why l had sought religion l simply stated, 'l felt something was missing in my life'. Surprisingly he also did likewise in another church. Neither of us preached to the other.

When collecting for my Church in Perth City & someone stopped & started 'sprouting to me', l'd politely say to them, 'YOU ARE PREACHING TO THE CONVERTED'. This usually stopped them in their tracks & they quickly retreated.

Only if asked a question about religion should a believer express their opinion. Nobody likes this imposed upon them nor should another person use someone's unwillingness to have this pushed upon them as a reason for pushing them away as a friend.
Every person has a right to an opinion without persecution.
I have a good friend who was down and out and was influenced by a certain religion (will not name them). They took so much advantage of her. Going for meals to her home, taking them to the airport so they could go home to Utah. She could not afford any of this. We talked and I supported her. Thankfully they are no longer in her life.
 

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