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You are so ugly, the last time you got a piece of arse was when your hand slipped through the toilet paper.

A certain politicians Halloween costume came in the mail today. I opened it. It was a rooster mask and a bag of lollipops. Going as a cock sucker again!?

I saw a young teenage kid on the subway today. He had a Mohawk hairstyle dyed yellow, green, and red. He caught me staring at him and in a nasty voice asked, "What the fuck are you looking at?" I replied, "Sorry, but when I was about your age I had sex with a parrot. I thought maybe you...

I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.

A guy and girl had sex poem competition. Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine." Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

Why doesn't Mexico have a Olympic team? Because everybody that can run, jump, And swim are already in the U.S

Did you hear about the two bald guys who put their heads together? They made an ass out of themselves!

My friend told me he had the body of a Greek god. I had to explain to him that Buddha is not Greek.

A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I love your sense of humor!"

Random Tales Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!" ====================================================== Roses are...

Dreaded Knock - Knock Jokes Knock, knock! Who’s there? Yah! Yah who? Well, no thanks, I’m more of a Google person. Knock, knock. Who's there? Adore. Adore who? Adore is between us. Open up! Knock, knock. Who's there? Doris. Doris who? The Doris locked, why do you think I'm knocking...

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Gosh, don’t cry it’s just a knock knock joke.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Déja. Déja who? Knock, knock.

"My wife and I have decided we don’t want children. The only problem is we already have three."

"The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis."

"My father always used to say, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger,” – ’til the accident."

Knock, Knock! Who's There? Howie! Howie who? Howie gonna hide this dead body?

Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.

What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off!

When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremation to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was, to be Frank in Stein.