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Luckyus

Luckyus

Well-known member
Dec 18, 2021
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Here, There and Everywhere?
CPR​

"I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed
“Does anyone know CPR?”
I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet”
And we all laughed and laughed.
Well, except for one person."
 
If you were born in September,
it's pretty safe to assume
that your parents started
their new year with a bang.
 
"I visited my new friend in his apartment.
He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors."
 
"My girlfriend dumped me,
So I stole her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back?"
 
  • Haha
Reactions: Wandiwa
"As I get older,
I remember all the people
I lost along the way.
Maybe my budding career as
A tour guide was not the right choice."
 
Wife: “I want another baby.”

Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one.”
 
  • Haha
Reactions: Wandiwa
Why are cigarettes good for the environment?

They kill people.
 
A man walks into an enchanted forest
And tries to cut down a talking tree.
"You can't cut me down," the tree exclaims,
"I'm a talking tree!"
The man responds,
"You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."
 
"I'll never forget my Grandfather’s
last words to me just before he died.
"Are you still holding the ladder?""
 
When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it leaves you and never comes back.
 
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Option 1: Let’s eat grandma.

Option 2: Let’s eat, grandma.

There you have it. Proof that punctuation saves lives.
 
Priest: “Do you have any last requests?”

Murderer sitting in the electric chair:
“Yes. Can you please hold my hand?”
 
Why does a mermaid wear seashells?

Because she outgrew her B-shells
 
Man: “Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?”

Doctor: “To the morgue.”

Man: “What? But I’m not dead yet!”

Doctor: “And we’re not there yet.”
 
Always remember
You’re not completely useless.
You can always be used as a bad example.
 
For Sale: Parachute.
Used once, never opened,
Small stain.
 
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"I bought my blind friend
A cheese grater for his birthday.
He later told me it was the most violent book he’d ever read."
 
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
 
My girlfriend’s dog died,
So I bought her another, identical one.
She just screamed at me and said:
“What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”
 
"I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette.
It went in one ear and out the other."
 
  • Haha
Reactions: Wandiwa
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