Note from the Editor:
This article was kindly written for the SDC by member @Doctor Alan.

I don’t drink beer. I’ve tried it once or twice, but I just don’t like it. I was in Japan once, when I worked for a Japanese company, and on a very hot day in Tokyo, I was out looking round the shops and really wanted a drink. I spotted a machine that dispensed (for 100 yen – about $1 at the time) milk, soft drinks and beer. The amount of beer was about twice as much as a soft drink, so I thought (with my ingrained penny-pinching attitude!) ‘Now, that’s better value!’ so I bought the one-pint carton. I got about 1/3 of it drunk before I couldn’t stand it anymore, so threw the rest away, despite my thirst!

The Party Pooper:
It must have been around that time, or a bit earlier, that my wife, Terry, and I, went to a party at a work colleague’s house. Not liking beer, I asked for cider. The trouble was, it was Strongbow, and I hadn’t realised it was actually quite alcoholic.



My glass kept being topped up as I started enjoying the company more and more – as the alcohol took effect! When I tried to get up, I found the room was moving around a bit, and it was quite a challenge to keep my balance.

Needless to say, I didn’t have any more Strongbow! On other occasions, I’d found that two small glasses of wine were quite sufficient to make any room seem to move! I therefore became the ‘designated driver’ whenever I went out in the evening.

Australian Culture:
On one of my sales jobs, my Sales manager said to me: ‘You’ll never be a proper Australian if you don’t drink beer!’ I have since met people that might agree with him. When we arrived in Australia in August 1969, we were quite amazed to find that women were actually prohibited from drinking in a pub! Of course, I’d never been the sort of person who liked to spend a good part of his time ‘down the pub’ with his dutiful wife left at home getting the dinner ready and so on. If I was, I’d probably have known that it wasn’t until 1982 that women were ‘allowed’ to drink in a public bar in England! So, Australia was way ahead!



Thankfully, times have changed a fair bit. I told that Sales manager that I would have no problem joining him ‘and the boys’ down the pub and would be happy to stand them a round of drinks if it was my ‘shout’, but would probably have a lemon squash myself. It would also be an advantage if his group had a non-drinker among them – somebody sober to drive them home!

I’d developed a real liking for non-alcoholic cider or grape juice that used to be readily available in the major supermarket, under the brand ‘Maison’ or later ‘Grapetizer’ and ‘Appletizer’. Sadly, they seem to have been withdrawn now, although you can still buy non-alcoholic cider (Devondale etc.), but it’s not the same.

Incidentally, there really isn’t any particular ‘Australian Culture’ regarding booze – it’s just as bad in some other countries, but I firmly believe some men have some growing up to do!



The ‘Beer Gut’:
A few years ago, my wife and I ‘let ourselves go’ a bit and I developed a pronounced ‘over the trouser-belt’ stomach. You couldn’t call it a ‘beer gut’ since I never drink beer, but it looked the same. Pictures of us taken at the time made us feel quite ashamed, and with my wife’s instigation, we embarked upon a ‘lifestyle change’ that we’ve kept up ever since.

Everything we ate would be entered in a ‘food diary’ and we’d total up the calories or kilojoules for the day, not letting our consumption exceed the ‘target’ of about 4000kj (or a little under 1000 calories). I lost 26kg in the first year, and Terry lost about 20kg. Gone was the ‘beer-gut’, and I was able to take long walks without the discomfort in my knees I’d felt before.

We noticed that one schooner of beer was equivalent to over 600kj and a ‘rum and coke’ was over 1000kj! A ‘few beers down the pub’ would certainly exceed the daily target, in our case. No wonder so many men have to ‘take their stomachs for a walk’. I spoke about this in more detail here.



The Angry Drunk:
It does appear that there are two types of ‘drunk’ – the ‘happy’ drunk and the ‘angry’ drunk. Judging by my one experience being a bit drunk, I think I would be the former. The latter are the dangerous ones, and we did see a fair few of these on a trip from Perth around via Alice Springs to Darwin. It’s also the ‘angry’ drunk you really don’t want to encounter on the road. As well as in your car, they could certainly put a real dent in your day!

Curfews and ‘Alcohol Free’ Areas:
A person is not necessarily ‘weak’ if they resort to drinking if they find themselves in a hopeless situation. A few drinks might ‘smooth the edges’ a bit. I think that ‘curfews’ and ‘alcohol-free’ areas are a good idea in the short term, but there really needs to be more emphasis on the cause of the problem, and I, for one, am certainly not in any position to offer a valid opinion.



I could make suggestions, but I don’t even drink, and although I’ve found myself in awful situations, a beer is probably the last thing I’d be thinking of. Perhaps there could be some research into the ‘state of mind’ that brings about excessive drinking, and examine alternatives.

Final Thoughts:
I saw a Western series a long time ago, and the ‘tough’ cowboy ordered ‘milk’ at the bar of the saloon. There was another series called ‘Tom Brewster’ I think, and the title character only drank ‘sarsaparilla’. The message in each case was that you don’t have to drink beer to be a man.

About the author: Having spent three years living in Australia in his youth, Alan returned to Australia in 1969 with his wife and young child. Holding a Bachelor of Engineering degree and a Doctor of Science Education degree, Alan has experience in flight simulations, Einsteinian physics, and inventing an ‘eye blink’ device that allows cerebral palsy patients to communicate. He even took a turn at acting, starring in a TV advert and landing supporting and lead roles in his local dramatic society plays. His short stories have been published in WA’s The Gingin Buzz for ten years, and his novel The Magic Hourglass is a work in progress. Keep up to date on his latest stories and poems on his website here. He and his wife have a lovely life in Brisbane and regularly visit their two children in Sydney’s West. You can read Alan’s full-length bio here.

From the Editor:
Do you treat yourself to a cold one now and then, members? Share your stories with us in the comments below!

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