[DannyKaye]

Great Grand Dad Joke of the day​

Ethel and Mary.

Two senior ladies Ethel and Mary were sitting on a park bench in a country town, across the road from the Local Village Hall watching people come and go to the Annual Flower Show.

Ethel says to Mary, “Things are pretty dull around here, for $10 would you be in running naked through the Hall.”

Mary whips out a $10 note and says, “You’re on.”

She struggles to get out of her clothes, picks a flower from the flower bed and places it in her mouth, doddles across the road, and runs, as quick as a mature lady can run, right down the middle of the hall.

Suddenly, there’s great applause and cheering from within the Hall, she emerges from the Hall to much more applause and cheering.

Breathless she staggers back across the road to Ethel who says, “What’s going on.”

Mary says “I won $100 for the best dried arrangement.”

 

[Littleboy8]

 

[Ivory]

She is in need of an iron before her next outing!!

 

[Dennis]

Dennis R's Morning Joke. Knock-Knock Who's there? Bart Bart Who? Bartween you and me, I'm sick of standing in the cold.

 

[Roysta]

Man and lady in a bar,
Man: Can I take you home tonight ?
Lady: Yes, but there will be no funny business, I'm on my menstrual cycle.
Man: Oh, that's ok, I'll follow you home on my Honda...

 

[HelenB55]

Three couples die and go to heaven.
Before they go through the Pearly Gates, saint Peter has to check their life out first to see if they can enter Heaven.

First couple step forward & wait till Saint Peter comes back with his verdict.
“Sorry…… I can’t let you enter Heaven. All your life it’s been Money, Money, Money…….. even your wife’s name is Penny.
Sadly they are rejected.

Second couple step forward & wait till Saint Peter comes back with his verdict.
“Sorry…. I can’t let you enter Heaven. All your life it’s been Drink, Drink,Drink….. even your wife’s name is Ginny.
Sadly they are rejected.

Third couple look at each other . Husband says “Looks like we don’t stand a chance, Fanny”.

 

[Jest]

danny kaye was a hoot, one of my favourites way back.

 

[Ivory]

Three couples die and go to heaven.
Before they go through the Pearly Gates, saint Peter has to check their life out first to see if they can enter Heaven.

First couple step forward & wait till Saint Peter comes back with his verdict.
“Sorry…… I can’t let you enter Heaven. All your life it’s been Money, Money, Money…….. even your wife’s name is Penny.
Sadly they are rejected.

Second couple step forward & wait till Saint Peter comes back with his verdict.
“Sorry…. I can’t let you enter Heaven. All your life it’s been Drink, Drink,Drink….. even your wife’s name is Ginny.
Sadly they are rejected.

Third couple look at each other . Husband says “Looks like we don’t stand a chance, Fanny”.

They might be safe if they were good Catholics

 

[Mikeyboy2012]

That's a good one

 

[novezar]

Three couples die and go to heaven.
Before they go through the Pearly Gates, saint Peter has to check their life out first to see if they can enter Heaven.

First couple step forward & wait till Saint Peter comes back with his verdict.
“Sorry…… I can’t let you enter Heaven. All your life it’s been Money, Money, Money…….. even your wife’s name is Penny.
Sadly they are rejected.

Second couple step forward & wait till Saint Peter comes back with his verdict.
“Sorry…. I can’t let you enter Heaven. All your life it’s been Drink, Drink,Drink….. even your wife’s name is Ginny.
Sadly they are rejected.

Third couple look at each other . Husband says “Looks like we don’t stand a chance, Fanny”.

Hope the 3rd hubbies name wasn't "Dickie", to complicate matters.

 

[Papabear]

Nine questions – HEAD SCRATCHERS

If you describe something as indescribable, haven’t you already described it?

Why is it called a building if it’s already built?

Why do we called them apartments if they are all stuck together?

Why is the time of day with slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why is it called shipping when it goes by truck? And why is it called cargo when it goes by ship?

If the early bird gets the worm, why do all good things come to those who wait?

Why do we call it a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

 

[Giannidifirenze]

Maude, Mabel, and Meryl were sitting on the park bench having their sandwich lunch when Freddy the Flasher jumped out of the bushes in front of the startled trio. Maude immediately had a stroke, within a minute Mabel succumbed and had a stroke also. But poor old Meryl's wrist was seized up with arthritis and she couldn’t quite reach.

 

[Littleboy8]

Maude, Mabel, and Meryl were sitting on the park bench having their sandwich lunch when Freddy the Flasher jumped out of the bushes in front of the startled trio. Maude immediately had a stroke, within a minute Mabel succumbed and had a stroke also. But poor old Meryl's wrist was seized up with arthritis and she couldn’t quite reach.

Now that’s funny

 

[Veggiepatch]

They might be safe if they were good Catholics

A good Catholic is as hard to find as a teenage virgin in Alice Springs....

 

[Ivory]

A good Catholic is as hard to find as a teenage virgin in Alice Springs....

In my era all the nuns had yard rules and used then freely. On the night of our formals were banned from wearing certain colours, where not allowed to invite someone you knew and the nuns spent the evening making sure we were a rulers distance apart. Now let me start on boarding school…….
I was good!

 

[Giannidifirenze]

Man and lady in a bar,
Man: Can I take you home tonight ?
Lady: Yes, but there will be no funny business, I'm on my menstrual cycle.
Man: Oh, that's ok, I'll follow you home on my Honda...

A piece of string walked into a bar.
‘We don’t serve string in here’
So the piece of string went outside and threw himself around on the footpath for a bit then went back into the bar.
‘Are you a piece of string?’
‘No, afraid not’