[Athena E.]

'Is it unreasonable to refuse a handmade gift from my niece?'​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/refashion_aita:

Am I being unreasonable for not letting my niece sew me a dress for a big career moment because she doesn’t do a good job?

'I love my niece, and I support her creative expression. I’ve told her that she could make me a dress for running around the house, running errands, hanging out, etc. I’m happy to wear something she’s made at times where it’s appropriate. I’ve worn the acrylic scarf she crocheted me for a few years now, and it’s not because it looks good.'

'She uses YouTube and Tiktok tutorials, so she doesn’t know how to work off patterns, make tailoring adjustments, choose the right fabric, etc. On TikTok and other social media spaces, the “cool” thing to do is announce that you made your garment from a ratty thrifted sheet using an old pair of shorts you had lying around. Sometimes it looks good, sometimes it doesn't. But she doesn’t take the time to do things like pressing or finishing steams, trimming or sewing in ends, etc. When I’ve suggested it to her, she said it’s more authentic the way she does it.'

'She begged me to do an outfit for an event I have coming up where I’ll be on stage. I tried to let her down gently and said that I had a dress being tailored as we speak. She said I could wear that one to something else, but that I should wear something she made because it would be special and a bonding experience for us. Everyone in my family is obsessed with “bonding experiences.” Everything has to be a bonding experience between the adults and kids. It’s exhausting. I reiterated my no, saying “No, I do not want you to make me anything.” '

'Her mum (my sister in law) is telling me that I care way too much about my appearance and my image. This is an event related to my career. The last thing I need to do is walk up on stage in something that doesn’t fit, or looks like it was made with a sheet. And especially because I am plus-sized, how I look is judged more harshly.'

'SIL complaining about me being superficial is not new. I dared to buy ONE designer bag for myself and she did the whole thing you see on Reels, the whole “S*****! I would just thrift a bag and put the rest of my money IN the bag!” bit. I was briefly engaged, and she would not shut up about how I supposedly wanted a wedding, not a marriage because I dared to want to pick out my own decor and not just use whatever she could scrounge up on Marketplace or get for sale at the craft store.'

'My career is the most important thing in the world to me right now. Obviously, for my SIL, her child is the most important thing in the world to her. But am I correct to put my career ahead of her child’s feelings, or do my values automatically make me unreasonable?'

 

[Jo Piper3]

Just wear what you are comfortable with and makes you feel great.

 

[Soxylox]

You should definitely put your career first. She is your niece, not your daughter. The only ones not thinking about anyone else but themselves is you. You already have something in the making so wear that and enjoy your night

 

[BabsL]

How old is this spoilt child? 12?
So appallingly rude, and very, very nasty to try to FORCE her rubbish onto you when you’ve already said No and stated why.
What an entitled creature.
This is what they do now - to get their own way. It is nasty, planned, insidious and intentional.
Simply restate that although you appreciate her offer, you have already planned your outfits, they are exactly what you want and need, and she should concentrate on doing something nice for her MOTHER!
If she insists, be honest - tell her she is contributing to the waste and destruction of our planet with the ghastly, unattractive, unwearable, badly thrown together, unflattering, unfinished rubbish that she comes up with.
She is intentionally attempting to psych you out by guilt to take charge of your clothes (for which she will never stop bragging to anyone who listens).
Do NOT allow this nasty creature to ruin your chance for a lovely successful and happy event.
Tell her to enroll in proper sewing lessons before coming near you again.
Just bcz she is yr niece does not mean you must suffer.

 

[MariaG]

Sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind.
The niece needs some home truths. Quality work need not sacrifice creativity. Her response to your suggestions can be translated to ... I could not be bothered.
As far as the sister in law is concerned, suggest she becomes the main model for her baby girl and keep out of your business.
Geez ... I wonder if the girl sees herself as a budding Coco Chanel. Reality check time for mother and daughter. No more Mr nice guy. This is the real world.

 

[etphhome]

It’s your career at stake not your niece’s or SIL.

 

[Nozmo]

Wear what you like and what suits you.
Your body and your career.

 

[Parrot]

Tell your S-I-L You Dress to please Yourself not others especially when it comes to related
Events connected with your career.

 

[Luckyus]

Perhaps you could some of your obvious greater income to help her better her chances in her chosen life, , instead of looking for selfritgcherous sympathy

 

[7777]

How old is this spoilt child? 12?
So appallingly rude, and very, very nasty to try to FORCE her rubbish onto you when you’ve already said No and stated why.
What an entitled creature.
This is what they do now - to get their own way. It is nasty, planned, insidious and intentional.
Simply restate that although you appreciate her offer, you have already planned your outfits, they are exactly what you want and need, and she should concentrate on doing something nice for her MOTHER!
If she insists, be honest - tell her she is contributing to the waste and destruction of our planet with the ghastly, unattractive, unwearable, badly thrown together, unflattering, unfinished rubbish that she comes up with.
She is intentionally attempting to psych you out by guilt to take charge of your clothes (for which she will never stop bragging to anyone who listens).
Do NOT allow this nasty creature to ruin your chance for a lovely successful and happy event.
Tell her to enroll in proper sewing lessons before coming near you again.
Just bcz she is yr niece does not mean you must suffer.

Dear member BabsL, thankyou for your post. I agree with you 100 percent. Can I say, I absolutely loved the way you wrote the paragraph regarding the girls contribution to the waste and destruction of our planet. So brilliantly stated. Wishing you a pleasant evening, God bless,