When we think of marriage vows, most of us picture the classic promise: 'in sickness and in health, for better or worse.' But for one woman, those words were heartbreakingly hollow—and her story has shone a light on a deeply troubling trend that’s leaving many women in the lurch when they need support the most.

Marie, a woman who had been married for six years, recently shared her devastating experience online after being diagnosed with a brain tumour. Instead of standing by her side, her husband vanished, taking every cent from their joint bank account with him. If that wasn’t enough, he sent her a text message explaining his decision to leave, citing his inability to cope and a desire to 'recoup' his investment in their relationship.


'Listen, it’s been hard, I can’t handle watching you die,' he wrote. 'I feel alone, I feel trapped, I’m not sure where or what I’m going to do … I’ve invested a lot during your treatment, so I’m recouping what I put in plus extra for my future. I can still have one.' He even urged her to 'be happy for me, that I can live for us both.'


Understandably, Marie—and thousands of people who read her story—were left reeling. But as shocking as her experience is, it’s not as rare as you might hope.


The Grim Reality: Men Are More Likely to Leave Sick Partners

Research from across the globe has revealed a disturbing pattern: men are significantly more likely to leave their wives when serious illness strikes than the other way around. A 2025 study of over 25,000 heterosexual couples aged 50 and older across 27 European countries found that divorce rates spiked when the wife became ill. If the husband was the one who got sick? The marriage was no more likely to end than if both partners were healthy.

This isn’t just a European phenomenon. An earlier 2015 study tracking 2,701 marriages found that, while only 6% ended in divorce after a serious illness, every single one of those divorces was initiated by the husband. And a 2009 study focusing on brain cancer patients found that the strongest predictor of separation or divorce was whether the patient was a woman. In fact, men were seven times more likely to leave a sick wife than women were to leave a sick husband.


Why Does This Happen? The 'Caring Gap' in Modern Marriages

Professor Alex Broom, a leading sociologist at the University of Sydney, says these statistics reflect a broader inequality in how care is given and received in relationships. 'Women bear the brunt of caring responsibilities at both ends of life—the early years and the twilight years,' he explains. 'But also, the men in their lives can be ill-equipped to provide them with care and support when they need it—whether in the context of serious illness or at the end of life.'

While it’s true that not all men behave this way, the data shows that women do a disproportionate amount of informal caring, and often receive less support themselves—especially at critical moments. Even as women’s participation in the workforce has increased, the distribution of domestic and caring responsibilities hasn’t caught up. 'Patriarchal ideas about care and responsibility still lurk in the background of our society,' Professor Broom says. 'The ‘caring gap’ may explain why some men ‘jump’ when faced with a difficult scenario. The social norms binding them to the social contract of care are weaker than they are for women.'

A Personal Betrayal—and a Broader Pattern

Marie’s story is particularly gut-wrenching because she had always supported her husband, even through his own tough times. 'We met in high school, I supported him financially during his degree, I was there when his sister died,' she shared. 'Now I’m just sitting in our apartment, unsure where to go next. That money was there for future treatments, it was money I helped accrue … To take it all. I just can’t.'

Relationship counsellor and TV host Paul Brunson recently discussed this phenomenon, describing it as 'alarming' and 'shocking.' He says that some men leave when they feel their emotional or physical needs aren’t being met, placing a disproportionate emphasis on the physical side of the relationship. 'What these men say is that they’re no longer getting their emotional or physical intimacy needs met, and as a result of no longer getting this thing, they’re out,' he explained.


The Community Reacts: Outrage, Support, and a Call for Change

Marie’s story has sparked outrage and heartbreak online, with many women expressing both disgust and a sad lack of surprise. 'You WILL beat the cancer, and you will thrive again. What goes around comes around,' one commenter wrote. Another noted, 'I’m not surprised, there’s not a single man in the comments showing support.' Some were even shocked the percentage of men leaving wasn’t higher.

But it’s not all doom and gloom. Many people have shared stories of partners who stood by them through thick and thin, proving that love and loyalty do still exist. And experts say that awareness is the first step toward change—by shining a light on these patterns, we can start to challenge the outdated norms that leave women vulnerable when they need help the most.


What Can Be Done?

If you or someone you know is facing a serious illness, it’s important to have open conversations about support, finances, and expectations. Don’t be afraid to reach out to friends, family, or professional counsellors for help. And if you’re a carer, remember to look after your own wellbeing, too.

For those who have experienced something similar, know that you’re not alone—and that there are communities and resources out there to help you through.
We want to hear from you, members! Have you or someone you know experienced a similar situation? Do you think society is doing enough to support carers and those facing illness? What do you think needs to change to close the 'caring gap' in relationships? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments below—let’s support each other and keep this important conversation going.

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