The summer sun blazes as barbecues sizzle and carols float through the air. For many, it’s the picture of an ideal Australian Christmas. But for those facing loss, the season’s cheer can feel like a painful reminder of who’s missing.
If you’re dreading rather than anticipating the holidays, you’re not alone—and you’re not doing grief ‘wrong’.
The uncomfortable truth about holiday grief
Research shows that around 36 per cent of people don’t want to celebrate the holidays due to feelings of grief or loss. That’s more than one in three who might wish they could simply fast-forward through December and January.
The Australian Institute of Health and Welfare reports a trend of higher suicide rates toward the end of the year, with December and January showing increases likely linked to stress, depression and financial pressure.
Other studies indicate that overall mood often worsens during the holidays, with rises in irritability, unhappiness and discontent.
These aren’t just statistics—they represent real people struggling with real pain during a season that demands joy.
‘Celebrating the holidays is not mandatory, and even just participating can feel impossible when you're nursing fresh grief.’
Two paths through the same storm
Linda discovered that grief isn’t a one-size-fits-all experience. After losing her husband 23 years ago, she threw herself into creating Christmas magic for her daughters and grandchildren.
‘I really haven’t dealt with the loss of my husband,’ she admitted.
But when she lost her grandson Andres five years ago, the grief was different—rawer.
For two years, she hid from the world. Eventually, she began spending holidays with her youngest daughter and other grandchildren, creating what she calls ‘new traditions’.
Her plan now is to ‘stay focused on what’s in front of me’.
Angela took another path after losing her husband Kerry six years ago. She tried family gatherings and even travelled abroad one year.
While the change of scenery helped, it still felt overwhelming. Eventually, she made a quiet decision—to step away from Christmas entirely.
‘I don’t put up a tree; it was too excruciating the first few years, and now there’s no point,’ she said.
Last Christmas, she stayed home, connected with friends from her grief community, lit a candle, and allowed herself to cry—without pretending to be cheerful for anyone else’s sake.
Permission to grieve your way
Grief counsellors emphasise that choosing solitude or alternative activities instead of traditional festivities is a valid way to move through the season while grieving.
That might mean skipping the family barbecue, avoiding crowded shopping centres or deciding not to travel to see relatives.
If holiday gatherings feel inauthentic, there’s no need to force yourself to take part.
Creating new traditions that honour your reality
Especially in the first year after a death, many find comfort in creating new rituals. This isn’t about forgetting your loved one—it’s about honouring your grief while continuing to live.
Some families have found meaning in: taking a quiet Christmas morning walk instead of hosting a crowd; preparing their loved one’s favourite recipe; volunteering on Christmas Day; travelling somewhere new; or buying a gift in their loved one’s name and donating it to charity.
The practicalities of Christmas in grief
Australia's hot summer holidays bring their own challenges for those grieving.
The heat can magnify exhaustion, and gatherings can make absence feel more pronounced. When you’re not looking forward to the season, the long weeks can seem endless.
Counsellors recommend planning ahead and asking for support.
Consider arranging for a friend to check in daily, preparing an exit plan if family events feel overwhelming, or even booking a quiet getaway if home holds too many reminders.
Being open with loved ones about your feelings can help set boundaries and reduce pressure.
Coping strategies for the holiday season
- Give yourself permission to skip traditional celebrations if they feel overwhelming.
- Plan ahead but stay flexible—allow space for changing emotions and needs.
- Seek support from counsellors, helplines or grief support groups when needed.
- Focus on what’s directly in front of you rather than looking back, and remember that not celebrating is a valid choice.
- Create small, meaningful new traditions when you feel ready—healing has no timetable.
The gentle path forward
Feeling moments of happiness doesn’t mean you’ve stopped grieving.
Your loved one would probably want you to find moments of peace instead of spending Christmas in constant sadness.
That doesn’t mean forcing yourself to smile—it means being open to quiet moments of comfort when they come naturally.
Grief during Christmas is deeply personal. Some years you may embrace small celebrations, other years quiet reflection. Both are valid and both honour your journey through loss.
Looking towards tomorrow
Experts remind us that with time, the holidays can feel lighter again.
There’s no right pace for healing—what feels impossible this year might become manageable next year.
Your relationship with Christmas can evolve, just as your relationship with grief changes over time.
Whether you choose to honour old traditions, start new ones or simply sit the season out, your choice deserves respect—especially from yourself.
The sun will rise on Boxing Day whether you’ve celebrated Christmas or simply survived it. Both are achievements worth acknowledging.
Read next:The borrowed customs and traditions of Christmas celebrations
What helps you get through the holidays during difficult times? Have you found small comforts or traditions that bring peace? Share your experience below—your story might help someone else feel less alone.
Primary Source
Getting Through the Holidays in Grief
A Personal Perspective: Grievers may anticipate the holidays with dread. Getting through them requires self-awareness, mindfulness, and a plan.www.psychologytoday.com
Dealing With Grief During the Holidays | Psychology Today
Cited text: 'A recent survey of 2,000 people showed that 36 percent of the respondents did not want to celebrate the holidays due to feelings of grief or loss.'
Article excerpt: 'Research reveals that 36 percent of people don't want to celebrate the holidays due to feelings of grief or loss'
Dealing With Grief During the Holidays
Have you found that things are bittersweet for you during the holidays? You might be happy about the holidays, but they remind you of loved ones gone. Here are some coping tips.
Surviving the holidays | Health at Work
Cited text: 'Some data reported by the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare shows a trend of higher suicide towards the end of the year, with one Australian ...'
Article excerpt: 'Australian data paints an even starker picture.'
Surviving the holidays
How to look after your employee mental health over the festive season.
www.healthatwork.net.au
Getting Through the Holidays in Grief | Psychology Today Australia
Cited text: '“So, long story short, I have made new traditions,” she says. “This year my plan is to stay focused on what's in front of me.” · Angela lost her husba...'
Article excerpt: 'For two years, she hid from the world entirely.'
Getting Through the Holidays in Grief
A Personal Perspective: Grievers may anticipate the holidays with dread. Getting through them requires self-awareness, mindfulness, and a plan.
Getting Through the Holidays in Grief | Psychology Today Australia
Cited text: 'She tried spending Christmases with family, even traveling from the United Kingdom to Australia one year.'
Article excerpt: 'She tried spending Christmases with family, even making the long journey from the United Kingdom to Australia one year'
Getting Through the Holidays in Grief
A Personal Perspective: Grievers may anticipate the holidays with dread. Getting through them requires self-awareness, mindfulness, and a plan.
Getting Through the Holidays in Grief | Psychology Today Australia
Cited text: 'I don’t put up a tree; it was too excruciating the first few years, and now there’s no point.” Last Christmas she got food from her daughter, who was ...'
Article excerpt: ''I don't put up a tree; it was too excruciating the first few years, and now there's no point,' she explains.'
Getting Through the Holidays in Grief
A Personal Perspective: Grievers may anticipate the holidays with dread. Getting through them requires self-awareness, mindfulness, and a plan.
Honouring Loved Ones: Embracing New Christmas Traditions Amid Grief (Practical Strategies For Navigating This Time) | Griefline
Cited text: 'Recognising and respecting one’s need for solitude or alternative activities rather than participating in traditional festivities is a legitimate way ...'
Article excerpt: 'Australian grief counsellors emphasise that recognising and respecting one's need for solitude or alternative activities rather than participating in traditional festivities is a legitimate way to navigate the holiday season while grieving'
Honouring Loved Ones: Embracing New Christmas Traditions Amid Grief
5 Recommended Strategies That Work
griefline.org.au
Caring for Your Mental Health During the Holidays | McLean Hospital
Cited text: 'If holiday observances seem inauthentic right now, you do not need to force yourself to celebrate.'
Article excerpt: 'If holiday observances seem inauthentic right now, you don't need to force yourself to celebrate'
Coping with Grief During the Holidays | VITAS Healthcare
Cited text: 'Particularly in the first year after a death, survivors must learn how to develop new holiday rituals and traditions.'
Article excerpt: 'Particularly in the first year after a death, survivors must learn how to develop new holiday rituals and traditions'
Coping with Grief During the Holidays
Watching others celebrate can be painful and overwhelming. Survivors must learn how to develop new holiday rituals and traditions.
www.vitas.com
12 Days of Christmas Grief | Bare
Cited text: 'While doing your holiday shopping, buy a gift for your loved one whom you are missing.'
Article excerpt: 'Buying a gift for their departed loved one and donating it to charity'
12 Days of Christmas Grief. - Bare
Include lost loved ones in new traditions by following our 12 Days of Christmas Grief guide.
bare.com.au
Coping with Grief During the Holidays | VITAS Healthcare
Cited text: 'The best coping mechanism for the first holiday season is to plan ahead, get support from others and take it easy.'
Article excerpt: 'The best coping mechanism for the first holiday season is to plan ahead, get support from others, and take it easy'
Coping with Grief During the Holidays
Watching others celebrate can be painful and overwhelming. Survivors must learn how to develop new holiday rituals and traditions.
www.vitas.com
Honouring Loved Ones: Embracing New Christmas Traditions Amid Grief (Practical Strategies For Navigating This Time) | Griefline
Cited text: 'Being open with others about personal feelings and needs during Christmas helps establish boundaries and support systems necessary for coping with gri...'
Article excerpt: 'Being open with others about your feelings and needs during Christmas to establish necessary boundaries and support systems'
Honouring Loved Ones: Embracing New Christmas Traditions Amid Grief
5 Recommended Strategies That Work
griefline.org.au
12 Days of Christmas Grief | Bare
Cited text: 'Feeling happy does not mean you don’t miss your loved one. The person you miss would actually prefer you to be happy rather than spend Christmas in co...'
Article excerpt: 'Remember that feeling happy doesn't mean you don't miss your loved one. The person you miss would actually prefer you to be happy rather than spend Christmas in constant grief'
12 Days of Christmas Grief. - Bare
Include lost loved ones in new traditions by following our 12 Days of Christmas Grief guide.
bare.com.au
Honouring Loved Ones: Embracing New Christmas Traditions Amid Grief (Practical Strategies For Navigating This Time) | Griefline
Cited text: 'Remember, grieving during Christmas is a personal journey without a one-size-fits-all approach. Acknowledging the possibility of celebrating amidst gr...'
Article excerpt: 'Grief during Christmas is a personal journey without a one-size-fits-all approach.'
Honouring Loved Ones: Embracing New Christmas Traditions Amid Grief
5 Recommended Strategies That Work
griefline.org.au
Getting Through the Holidays in Grief | Psychology Today Australia
Cited text: 'I am assured that it is possible to enjoy them again. I hold that hope.'
Article excerpt: 'Experts assure us that it is possible to enjoy the holidays again, and many grievers hold onto this hope'
Getting Through the Holidays in Grief
A Personal Perspective: Grievers may anticipate the holidays with dread. Getting through them requires self-awareness, mindfulness, and a plan.
Grief counselling and support services in Australia | Bare
Cited text: 'Grief also doesn’t need to be a journey you need to travel alone. It can often be helpful to have a safe supportive space to process the impact of the...'
Article excerpt: 'Grief doesn't need to be a journey you travel alone. It can often be helpful to have a safe, supportive space to process the impact of loss and enable you to find your way again'
Grief counselling and support services in Australia - Bare
Here is a list of useful bereavement, grief counselling and support services across Australia, as well as general grief advice. You are not alone in this, and help is available.
bare.com.au
Getting Through the Holidays in Grief | Psychology Today Australia
Cited text: 'Celebrating the holidays is not mandatory, and even just participating can feel impossible when you’re nursing fresh grief.'
Article excerpt: 'Celebrating the holidays is not mandatory, and even just participating can feel impossible when you're nursing fresh grief'
Getting Through the Holidays in Grief
A Personal Perspective: Grievers may anticipate the holidays with dread. Getting through them requires self-awareness, mindfulness, and a plan.
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