Woman’s husband comes out as gay and ‘almost breaks’ her – but there’s a happy ending
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One of the biggest fears that we all have when committing to a romantic relationship is potentially getting cheated on. Nothing hurts more than being betrayed by the love of your life…
But one woman had to face an entirely different dilemma that nearly ended her relationship with her husband forever. After 18 years of marriage, David told Sarah that he was gay and could no longer live a lie.
Although David informed Serena that he was bisexual when they started dating 23 years ago, he explained that he was mistaken.
When the couple met in June 1999, David was in sales while Serena worked in a bank in their hometown, Bournemouth.
At the time, David was a customer and was ‘mesmerised by her beauty and multi-tasking skills’, so he asked her out on a date.
Three months later, David moved in with her. Three more months after that Serena was pregnant with their first child, Abbey.
‘We were ecstatic,’ Serena reminisced. ‘I remember walking into our bedroom, holding a positive pregnancy test, and David climbing out of bed and getting down on one knee, asking tearfully: “Will you marry me?”’
‘I had no reservations about marrying someone I thought was bisexual because when you exchange wedding vows, you commit to one person.’
‘My whole world exploded when David told me he no longer wanted to be with me and wanted to date men.’ Serena continued.
David and Serena were married for 18 years. Source: Daily Mail
‘I honestly didn’t know how I was going to go on living without him and yet, unlike when a husband goes off with another woman, I knew I couldn’t possibly compete. I’d lost the fight hands down because I wasn’t a man. David made it clear that being with men was the only thing that would make him happy.’
Serena was unable to eat and lost over 10 kilograms. She admitted feeling so anxious that she barely slept for months.
‘I actually hated him for doing that to me – I’m ashamed to it admit now but I used to hate the whole gay community.’
‘I remember a friend being appalled by some of the things I was saying… She said: “Serena, this is not like you!” but I was hurting so much. David was the love of my life — I was struggling to accept that I could never be the love of his.’
Serena credits their children, Abbey, 21, and George, 20, who are both students, for helping her wade through the nightmare. But they had some serious adjusting to do too as the revelation about their father’s sexuality blindsided them both.
‘I couldn’t have been happier — I have always wanted children.’ David said. ‘Serena is a beautiful woman and I was very attracted to her. I definitely loved her. I still do — just not in the way a husband loves a wife.’
David, who now runs a pub quiz company, struggled to explain how he agreed to commit to a heterosexual relationship, saying: ‘I wish I had an answer... But, when I proposed, I was as sure as anyone can be that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Serena.’
When they split, Serena was convinced that David used her to achieve his dream of being a father.
‘The only way I could make sense of what David had done was to assume he’d wanted children but not a wife, which left me feeling used.’ she said.
Abbey was only eight months old when Serena found out she was pregnant with George. Although it was unexpected, the couple were keen at the time. But after George’s birth, Serena and David’s sex life went down the drain and never recovered.
‘When I spoke to friends with young children, they admitted rarely having sex either, we were all so exhausted.’ Serena detailed.
Serena felt broken when David came out. Source: Daily Mail
‘David and I were always tactile. In bed, we would cuddle, kiss each other, and say “I love you.” It never led to anything more intimate, because, I imagined, we were out of the habit. We held hands and put our arms around each other when we were out, just like any normal couple.’
For David, the ‘desire was just not there’, something he also thought was due to the exhaustion of raising a family.
Eventually, David did start to assess his feelings. He admits that several years into the marriage, he gradually became aware that he ‘was gay and wanted to be with men’.
He even dropped hints about feeling unfulfilled and needing to explore his ‘true identity’... But Serena failed to read the signs. Despite the dissatisfaction, he couldn’t bear the thought of becoming ‘a weekend dad’ or cheating on Serena.
So, their relationship went on until September 2018, when David admitted that he was gay and announced that he was going to move to Spain and take his business to a bustling resort there.
‘I was very depressed for a while,’ he recalled. ‘I was doing a job (sales) that I didn’t like and I was in a marriage that didn’t work for me. The children were teenagers and I couldn’t carry on. Either I was going to die very bitter, or finally do something that made me happy.’
‘I made friends in Spain and there’s a big gay community, so I hoped sex with men would be part of the package.’
However, David never mentioned any of his plans to Serena. A week after his departure they were talking over FaceTime and she said: ‘I’m sensing that you don’t want to be with me anymore.’
In response, David said: ‘No, I don’t – and I’m not coming back.’
Seeing their mother spiral, Abbey and George, then 16 and 17, were starting to catch on.
‘I don’t remember my exact words but I do remember telling them, in a state of upset and anger: “Your dad’s not coming back — and he’s gay”.’ she recalled.
‘Abbey kept saying: “No, Dad wouldn’t do that.” And I responded: “Well, he has”.’
‘George just paced up and down the lounge saying: “Oh my God”. Eventually, he said: “Well, if that’s Dad, that’s Dad”.’
The following day, when Serena informed David that their children knew, he was enraged.
Serena argued that she didn’t want the children holding on to any hope that things would go back to how they were.
‘Why? Because coming out is massively important to gay people. This is why “outing” people is considered to be such a terrible thing to do. It is so grotesquely unfair and you should be able to share, as and when you feel it’s appropriate.’ David defended himself.
‘I was denied my chance to speak to my own children about my sexuality because Serena had told them I was gay, instead of allowing me to do that, and, as far as I'm concerned, that's unforgivable.’
‘However, we have both done things the other has found deeply hurtful and have had to move on, otherwise, we’d be resentful and bitter forever.’
David decided to explain everything to their children through a video.
Serena with Abbey and George. Source: Daily Mail
‘I told them I wasn’t the right man for their mother. I don’t think I said anything more explicit, because Serena had already done that.’ he added.
‘I dated a couple of men, nothing serious, but the important thing was being able to be truly myself.’
Over the next few months, David’s business plans went south. As fears about how they were going to continue paying for their family home grew, Serena decided to fly to Gran Canaria to see if their marriage could be salvaged.
‘I missed David so much that I wasn’t functioning properly,’ she admitted. ‘I had to take time off work because I was having panic attacks that kept me awake all night, and my friends and family were worried about how much weight I’d lost. A bit of me hoped he’d see me and decide he wanted to be with me again after all.’
‘At the same time, I was worried sick about how I was going to keep paying the mortgage and bills on my own. I wanted to make sure David intended to carry on contributing, at least until the children left home.’
Despite all the chaos that the pair endured, when they reunited, David and Serena effortlessly slipped into a friendly companionship.
‘David looked happier and healthier than he had in years, and the first thing he said was: “Have you come to drag me back then?” We shared the double bed in his Airbnb that night, snuggling up together as usual.’ she continued.
Desperate to hold on to her husband, Serena initially agreed to be in an ‘open marriage’ with David as he pursued other men. As she had no interest in dating other people, Serena realised that the torment had become too much to bear within a few weeks.
‘I hated it. I couldn’t go near him when he came home from these dates,’ she recalled. ‘One afternoon, in May 2019, I told him I couldn’t carry on. We removed our wedding rings and I said we would each have to find somewhere else to live. I remember David rushing off to the loo in tears. Even though he didn’t want me like a traditional wife, he didn’t want to live apart from the children.’
‘I had thought I could still live with him, but it turned out I couldn’t, and I told him, angrily, that it was selfish of him to expect me to do so.’
After that, David decided to move out of their family home. Even though they live in separate houses now, they are only a 15-minute drive away from each other.
However, David’s relationship with some of the family members was in tatters. While George regularly visited his father, Abbey completely cut off communications with him. Serena’s only contact with him was to discuss finances at the time.
‘I felt so hurt and although I never asked her not to see her dad, I think Abbey was being loyal to me.’ Serena said.
After a while, Serena found herself in a new relationship and it seemed as though she and David might never be close again.
That is until things took a dramatic turn last year.
When Serena’s two-and-a-half-year relationship ended, she called the person that she once knew best.
‘I called David because only he would understand how I was feeling.’ Serena said.
‘I had a good cry and David was really comforting.’
They met for dinner several times in the months that followed and gradually, a newfound friendship blossomed between them.
In March, Serena asked David to join her and the children for Mother’s Day. His relationship with Abbey was finally mended.
‘Abbey told me she’d felt abandoned. I hadn’t imagined it would matter so much to her — but I was wrong. That was very upsetting.’
‘George asked me recently: “Are you happy you had children?” I thought “How could he even doubt that?” I told him that I definitely am.’ David continued.
‘I still feel that, after my children, she is the closest person to me. I feel bad that Serena didn’t have enough information to make the right decisions… But I could never regret having our children.’
Serena is more circumspect. ‘If we’d known how things would turn out we probably wouldn’t have gone ahead with it… But I only have to look at our children to know that would have been a great shame.’
‘I wouldn’t be without them and, strange though it may sound, I feel honoured that David chose to have them with me. I was very much in love with him. Most importantly to me, we were good parents, so although there was a fundamental flaw in our marriage, we must have done something right.'
Now, David and Serena hold no resentment against each other and are ‘the best of friends’.
What are your thoughts about this story? What would you have done if you were in David or Serena’s shoes? Let us know in the comments below!
But one woman had to face an entirely different dilemma that nearly ended her relationship with her husband forever. After 18 years of marriage, David told Sarah that he was gay and could no longer live a lie.
Although David informed Serena that he was bisexual when they started dating 23 years ago, he explained that he was mistaken.
When the couple met in June 1999, David was in sales while Serena worked in a bank in their hometown, Bournemouth.
At the time, David was a customer and was ‘mesmerised by her beauty and multi-tasking skills’, so he asked her out on a date.
Three months later, David moved in with her. Three more months after that Serena was pregnant with their first child, Abbey.
‘We were ecstatic,’ Serena reminisced. ‘I remember walking into our bedroom, holding a positive pregnancy test, and David climbing out of bed and getting down on one knee, asking tearfully: “Will you marry me?”’
‘I had no reservations about marrying someone I thought was bisexual because when you exchange wedding vows, you commit to one person.’
‘My whole world exploded when David told me he no longer wanted to be with me and wanted to date men.’ Serena continued.
David and Serena were married for 18 years. Source: Daily Mail
‘I honestly didn’t know how I was going to go on living without him and yet, unlike when a husband goes off with another woman, I knew I couldn’t possibly compete. I’d lost the fight hands down because I wasn’t a man. David made it clear that being with men was the only thing that would make him happy.’
Serena was unable to eat and lost over 10 kilograms. She admitted feeling so anxious that she barely slept for months.
‘I actually hated him for doing that to me – I’m ashamed to it admit now but I used to hate the whole gay community.’
‘I remember a friend being appalled by some of the things I was saying… She said: “Serena, this is not like you!” but I was hurting so much. David was the love of my life — I was struggling to accept that I could never be the love of his.’
Serena credits their children, Abbey, 21, and George, 20, who are both students, for helping her wade through the nightmare. But they had some serious adjusting to do too as the revelation about their father’s sexuality blindsided them both.
‘I couldn’t have been happier — I have always wanted children.’ David said. ‘Serena is a beautiful woman and I was very attracted to her. I definitely loved her. I still do — just not in the way a husband loves a wife.’
David, who now runs a pub quiz company, struggled to explain how he agreed to commit to a heterosexual relationship, saying: ‘I wish I had an answer... But, when I proposed, I was as sure as anyone can be that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Serena.’
When they split, Serena was convinced that David used her to achieve his dream of being a father.
‘The only way I could make sense of what David had done was to assume he’d wanted children but not a wife, which left me feeling used.’ she said.
Abbey was only eight months old when Serena found out she was pregnant with George. Although it was unexpected, the couple were keen at the time. But after George’s birth, Serena and David’s sex life went down the drain and never recovered.
‘When I spoke to friends with young children, they admitted rarely having sex either, we were all so exhausted.’ Serena detailed.
Serena felt broken when David came out. Source: Daily Mail
‘David and I were always tactile. In bed, we would cuddle, kiss each other, and say “I love you.” It never led to anything more intimate, because, I imagined, we were out of the habit. We held hands and put our arms around each other when we were out, just like any normal couple.’
For David, the ‘desire was just not there’, something he also thought was due to the exhaustion of raising a family.
Eventually, David did start to assess his feelings. He admits that several years into the marriage, he gradually became aware that he ‘was gay and wanted to be with men’.
He even dropped hints about feeling unfulfilled and needing to explore his ‘true identity’... But Serena failed to read the signs. Despite the dissatisfaction, he couldn’t bear the thought of becoming ‘a weekend dad’ or cheating on Serena.
So, their relationship went on until September 2018, when David admitted that he was gay and announced that he was going to move to Spain and take his business to a bustling resort there.
‘I was very depressed for a while,’ he recalled. ‘I was doing a job (sales) that I didn’t like and I was in a marriage that didn’t work for me. The children were teenagers and I couldn’t carry on. Either I was going to die very bitter, or finally do something that made me happy.’
‘I made friends in Spain and there’s a big gay community, so I hoped sex with men would be part of the package.’
However, David never mentioned any of his plans to Serena. A week after his departure they were talking over FaceTime and she said: ‘I’m sensing that you don’t want to be with me anymore.’
In response, David said: ‘No, I don’t – and I’m not coming back.’
Seeing their mother spiral, Abbey and George, then 16 and 17, were starting to catch on.
‘I don’t remember my exact words but I do remember telling them, in a state of upset and anger: “Your dad’s not coming back — and he’s gay”.’ she recalled.
‘Abbey kept saying: “No, Dad wouldn’t do that.” And I responded: “Well, he has”.’
‘George just paced up and down the lounge saying: “Oh my God”. Eventually, he said: “Well, if that’s Dad, that’s Dad”.’
The following day, when Serena informed David that their children knew, he was enraged.
Serena argued that she didn’t want the children holding on to any hope that things would go back to how they were.
‘Why? Because coming out is massively important to gay people. This is why “outing” people is considered to be such a terrible thing to do. It is so grotesquely unfair and you should be able to share, as and when you feel it’s appropriate.’ David defended himself.
‘I was denied my chance to speak to my own children about my sexuality because Serena had told them I was gay, instead of allowing me to do that, and, as far as I'm concerned, that's unforgivable.’
‘However, we have both done things the other has found deeply hurtful and have had to move on, otherwise, we’d be resentful and bitter forever.’
David decided to explain everything to their children through a video.
Serena with Abbey and George. Source: Daily Mail
‘I told them I wasn’t the right man for their mother. I don’t think I said anything more explicit, because Serena had already done that.’ he added.
‘I dated a couple of men, nothing serious, but the important thing was being able to be truly myself.’
Over the next few months, David’s business plans went south. As fears about how they were going to continue paying for their family home grew, Serena decided to fly to Gran Canaria to see if their marriage could be salvaged.
‘I missed David so much that I wasn’t functioning properly,’ she admitted. ‘I had to take time off work because I was having panic attacks that kept me awake all night, and my friends and family were worried about how much weight I’d lost. A bit of me hoped he’d see me and decide he wanted to be with me again after all.’
‘At the same time, I was worried sick about how I was going to keep paying the mortgage and bills on my own. I wanted to make sure David intended to carry on contributing, at least until the children left home.’
Despite all the chaos that the pair endured, when they reunited, David and Serena effortlessly slipped into a friendly companionship.
‘David looked happier and healthier than he had in years, and the first thing he said was: “Have you come to drag me back then?” We shared the double bed in his Airbnb that night, snuggling up together as usual.’ she continued.
Desperate to hold on to her husband, Serena initially agreed to be in an ‘open marriage’ with David as he pursued other men. As she had no interest in dating other people, Serena realised that the torment had become too much to bear within a few weeks.
‘I hated it. I couldn’t go near him when he came home from these dates,’ she recalled. ‘One afternoon, in May 2019, I told him I couldn’t carry on. We removed our wedding rings and I said we would each have to find somewhere else to live. I remember David rushing off to the loo in tears. Even though he didn’t want me like a traditional wife, he didn’t want to live apart from the children.’
‘I had thought I could still live with him, but it turned out I couldn’t, and I told him, angrily, that it was selfish of him to expect me to do so.’
After that, David decided to move out of their family home. Even though they live in separate houses now, they are only a 15-minute drive away from each other.
However, David’s relationship with some of the family members was in tatters. While George regularly visited his father, Abbey completely cut off communications with him. Serena’s only contact with him was to discuss finances at the time.
‘I felt so hurt and although I never asked her not to see her dad, I think Abbey was being loyal to me.’ Serena said.
After a while, Serena found herself in a new relationship and it seemed as though she and David might never be close again.
That is until things took a dramatic turn last year.
When Serena’s two-and-a-half-year relationship ended, she called the person that she once knew best.
‘I called David because only he would understand how I was feeling.’ Serena said.
‘I had a good cry and David was really comforting.’
They met for dinner several times in the months that followed and gradually, a newfound friendship blossomed between them.
In March, Serena asked David to join her and the children for Mother’s Day. His relationship with Abbey was finally mended.
‘Abbey told me she’d felt abandoned. I hadn’t imagined it would matter so much to her — but I was wrong. That was very upsetting.’
‘George asked me recently: “Are you happy you had children?” I thought “How could he even doubt that?” I told him that I definitely am.’ David continued.
‘I still feel that, after my children, she is the closest person to me. I feel bad that Serena didn’t have enough information to make the right decisions… But I could never regret having our children.’
Serena is more circumspect. ‘If we’d known how things would turn out we probably wouldn’t have gone ahead with it… But I only have to look at our children to know that would have been a great shame.’
‘I wouldn’t be without them and, strange though it may sound, I feel honoured that David chose to have them with me. I was very much in love with him. Most importantly to me, we were good parents, so although there was a fundamental flaw in our marriage, we must have done something right.'
Now, David and Serena hold no resentment against each other and are ‘the best of friends’.
What are your thoughts about this story? What would you have done if you were in David or Serena’s shoes? Let us know in the comments below!
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