Picture yourself enjoying a quiet lunch at your favourite local restaurant when suddenly, a baby's piercing cries cut through the conversation. Your immediate reaction might depend entirely on which side of a generational divide you find yourself on.
That's exactly what happened recently when a viral confrontation between a mother and fellow diner exposed deep cultural tensions about children in public spaces - tensions that many Australian grandparents will recognise from their own parenting journey.
The incident that sparked a firestorm
An American mother known as 'Vee' was dining with her eight-month-old daughter at a Vietnamese restaurant when another customer approached her table asking, 'Hey can you have your baby be quiet?' The man cited sensitive hearing as his reason for the request.
What followed was a heated exchange that the mother filmed and shared on social media, where it's since garnered over 5.8 million views. 'I know it's loud,' Vee told her followers later, 'But he's an adult, he can leave, and he chooses not to.'
The man's response - 'You can learn to be respectful' - set off a back-and-forth that had other diners watching uncomfortably.
When Vee suggested he could bring earmuffs next time, the situation escalated further, with accusations of entitlement flying from both sides.
'People are entitled to a child-free life, not a child-free world'
A tale of two generations
What makes this incident particularly fascinating for Australian seniors is how clearly it illustrates the dramatic shift in parenting culture since the 1960s and 70s.
Recent research examining three generations of families shows 'an increased tendency toward parental warmth' and 'a decreased tendency toward parental strictness' across generations, with parents using 'more affection and reasoning but less indifference' than previous generations.
For many of today's grandparents, the 1970s represented an era of 'parenting by benevolent neglect' where children 'had free run of the neighbourhood as long as we were home for dinner.'
During this period, 'caring for children looked a lot different' and 'it was entirely possible to be emotionally neglectful while appearing to the world as a model parent provided you kept a nice home and sent your children out the door fully clothed.'
This cultural shift means many Australian seniors find themselves caught between two worlds: the more hands-off approach they used with their own children, and the intensive, child-focused parenting they observe today.
Did you know?
Did you know?
Research tracking parenting practices across generations found that modern parents use physical punishment, verbal scolding, and privilege removal significantly less than their parents and grandparents did, while showing much higher levels of warmth and reasoning with children.
The Australian perspective on restaurant etiquette
Australian etiquette discussions emphasise that 'parents should monitor the amount of noise children make to ensure it is not impinging on others' experiences.'
As one Australian expert explains: 'Respect, courtesy and manners can and should be taught at home and are easily translated into a restaurant environment.
Children should understand that if they are not able to conduct themselves properly, their behaviour will not be tolerated.'
However, there's recognition that 'babies who are too young to understand these things' sometimes 'cry and scream,' and 'parents should not expect that other patrons can tune out their children's crying in the same way they can.'
The Australian restaurant industry has developed its own approaches to these situations. Professional guidelines suggest a graduated response: if problems continue after initial gentle intervention, 'a second manager will stop by' and 'be firmer,' explaining 'that the child is still disturbing guests and that if this continues, they will be asked to leave.'
The reasoning? 'Making one table mad but making 10 other tables relieved is good management.'
When courtesy meets reality
Restaurant industry professionals report that '99.5 per cent of the time is fine' and 'most of the time, when you ask nicely, parents cooperate quickly.'
It's only 'a tiny percentage that can drive you nuts,' though in the age of social media, these incidents can have outsized impact.
The challenge, according to experts, lies in the approach. When confronting someone about noise issues, professionals recommend the 'BIFF' approach—Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm.
Something like 'Excuse me, but we are unable to enjoy our conversation with the very loud noise your child is making. Please manage your kid, you are in a public space.'
Restaurant professionals' approach to crying children
First intervention: Gentle, supportive approach to parents
If problem continues: More direct conversation about other guests
Final step: Request to leave if situation doesn't improve
Success rate: 99.5 per cent of situations resolve with polite intervention
The middle ground
Kate Heussler, an Australian etiquette expert, believes the viral confrontation represents 'a textbook example of how quickly frustrations can tip into conflict.'
She notes that 'an eight-month-old baby making exploratory sounds is not misbehaving; it's age-appropriate development,' and that demanding silence 'placed an unrealistic adult standard on a child.'
Her verdict? 'Parents and children are entitled to occupy public spaces just as much as anyone else,' but this doesn't absolve parents entirely. 'There is always a balance to be struck. Prolonged screaming does call for a parent to soothe or step outside, but in this case the baby wasn't disruptive—she was simply being a baby.'
Some Australian parents embrace this balanced approach: 'I like to think both the cafe and the parents are responsible for the child's experience, but certainly the parents bear the weight of responsibility for the behaviour.
I try not to look over at crying or misbehaving kids—clearly the parents are aware of it and are having a hard enough time without having to worry about other people around them.'
Finding restaurant harmony
- Parents: Address crying promptly and consider stepping outside for prolonged episodes
- Other diners: Speak to management rather than confronting parents directly
- Everyone: Remember that occasional baby noise is part of community life
- Restaurants: Have clear, consistent policies for managing disruptive situations
The community we share
The shared dining space 'is something that is easily taken for granted until it's disrupted by something we didn't expect or don't like.' When poorly behaved children are involved, 'most people seem to put the responsibility directly on the parents.'
But perhaps the real lesson lies in understanding that we're all navigating changes in social expectations.
Since the 1980s, 'young people were remaining longer in education' and 'women were increasingly embracing opportunities to complete secondary schooling, embark on post-secondary education and enter the paid workforce.'
Combined with 'the wider availability of the contraceptive pill in the 1970s,' this meant 'women started to delay marriage and postpone having children.'
These demographic shifts mean today's parents often have their first children later in life, with less extended family support and higher expectations for maintaining their pre-child lifestyle.
Bridging the understanding gap
The solution, according to experts, lies in recognising that 'etiquette isn't about perfection—it's about empathy.' For Australian seniors watching these cultural clashes unfold, it might help to remember that today's parents are navigating expectations that barely existed when they raised their own children.
One Australian parent and restaurant owner reflects: 'From coming out for coffees as toddlers to an hour-long dinner as they have grown, they are still given a rundown before each meal on how to behave and what is expected of them, and to always be aware of those around them.'
This ongoing conversation about expectations suggests that perhaps both sides of the restaurant confrontation had valid points, even if the delivery could have been better.
What This Means For You
Whether you're a grandparent remembering the days when children were expected to be 'seen and not heard,' or a parent trying to balance family life with community consideration, the key seems to be mutual respect and understanding that we're all sharing the same public spaces.
What's your take on this restaurant drama? Have you witnessed similar situations, and how do you think they should be handled? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.
Original Article
https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/p...t/news-story/ac9872cbe47f5abc4243f618bb4ae2b4
Are children allowed to cry in restaurants? - Quora
Cited text: Answer (1 of 3): There's no law against it, but it's just etiquette that I'd a child is crying at a public space, and the parents can&#...
Excerpt: An American mother known as 'Vee' was dining with her eight-month-old daughter at a Vietnamese restaurant when another customer approached her table asking, 'Hey can you have your baby be quiet?' The man cited sensitive hearing as his…
https://www.quora.com/Are-children-allowed-to-cry-in-restaurants
Are children allowed to cry in restaurants? - Quora
Cited text:
Excerpt: 'I know it's loud,' Vee told her followers later, 'But he's an adult, he can leave, and he chooses not to.'
https://www.quora.com/Are-children-allowed-to-cry-in-restaurants
Parenting Warmth and Strictness across Three Generations: Parenting Styles and Psychosocial Adjustment—PMC
Cited text: Results showed two different cross-generational patterns in parenting practices, with an increased tendency toward parental warmth (parents use more a...
Excerpt: Recent research examining three generations of families shows 'an increased tendency toward parental warmth' and 'a decreased tendency toward parental strictness' across generations, with parents using 'more affection and reasoning but…
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7602436/
The Grim Emotional Legacy Of 1970s Parenting | by Jae L | Medium
Cited text: I was born in the 1970s, that golden era of parenting by benevolent neglect. As kids, we had free run of the neighborhood as long as we were home for ...
Excerpt: For many of today's grandparents, the 1970s represented an era of 'parenting by benevolent neglect' where children 'had free run of the neighbourhood as long as we were home for dinner…
The Grim Emotional Legacy Of 1970s Parenting | by Jae L | Medium
Cited text: Caring for children looked a lot different back then. It was entirely possible to be emotionally neglectful while appearing to the world as a model pa...
Excerpt: For many of today's grandparents, the 1970s represented an era of 'parenting by benevolent neglect' where children 'had free run of the neighbourhood as long as we were home for dinner…
Children at the (Restaurant) Table
Cited text: Parents should monitor the amount of noise children make to ensure it is not impinging on others’ experiences. According to Kelly Donati, 39, PhD cand...
Excerpt: Australian etiquette discussions emphasise that 'parents should monitor the amount of noise children make to ensure it is not impinging on others' experiences…
https://www.broadsheet.com.au/melbourne/food-and-drink/article/children-restaurant-table
Children at the (Restaurant) Table
Cited text: “That being said, there is always the case of babies who are too young to understand these things and who sometimes cry and scream.Parents should not ...
Excerpt: there's recognition that 'babies who are too young to understand these things' sometimes 'cry and scream,' and 'parents should not expect that other patrons can tune out their children's crying in the same way they can.'
https://www.broadsheet.com.au/melbourne/food-and-drink/article/children-restaurant-table
How to Handle Guests that Ignore their Crying Children in Your Restaurant—NMRA
Cited text: If the same table continues to be a problem, if the child continues to scream (crawl around, run around, or other such thing), then a second manager w...
Excerpt: Professional guidelines suggest a graduated response: if problems continue after initial gentle intervention, 'a second manager will stop by' and 'be firmer,' explaining 'that the child is still disturbing guests and that if this…
https://www.nmrestaurants.org/how-to-handle-parents-ignoring-their-crying-child-in-your-restaurant/
How to Handle Guests that Ignore their Crying Children in Your Restaurant—NMRA
Cited text: Making one table mad but making 10 other tables relieved is good management.
Excerpt: 'Making one table mad but making 10 other tables relieved is good management.'
https://www.nmrestaurants.org/how-to-handle-parents-ignoring-their-crying-child-in-your-restaurant/
Screaming Baby in Restaurant Etiquette—Page 2—Parent Cafe—College Confidential Forums
Cited text: For us, 99.5 per cent of the time is fine. Most of the time, when you ask nicely, parents cooperate quickly. It’s a tiny percentage that can drive you nuts, a...
Excerpt: Restaurant industry professionals report that '99.5 per cent of the time is fine' and 'most of the time, when you ask nicely, parents cooperate quickly…
https://talk.collegeconfidential.com/t/screaming-baby-in-restaurant-etiquette/3677341?page=2
united states—How do I deal with other people's screaming children in restaurants? - Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange
Cited text: When confronting someone, in this or any other situation, I found BIFF to be a useful acronym—Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm.
Excerpt: When confronting someone about noise issues, professionals recommend the 'BIFF' approach—Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm.
https://interpersonal.stackexchange...her-peoples-screaming-children-in-restaurants
united states—How do I deal with other people's screaming children in restaurants? - Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange
Cited text: When confronting someone, in this or any other situation, I found BIFF to be a useful acronym—Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm. Something like 'Ex...
Excerpt: When confronting someone about noise issues, professionals recommend the 'BIFF' approach—Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm.
https://interpersonal.stackexchange...her-peoples-screaming-children-in-restaurants
Crying Babies Etiquette | Etiquette School of OhioEtiquette School of Ohio
Cited text: This would be distracting to the speaker and other audience members.
Excerpt: 'a textbook example of how quickly frustrations can tip into conflict…
https://etiquetteschoolofohio.com/2016/08/03/crying-babies-etiquette/
Crying Babies Etiquette | Etiquette School of OhioEtiquette School of Ohio
Cited text: At the point when a baby cannot be consoled to stop crying, an adult needs to display manners and take the responsibility to remove the baby from the ...
Excerpt: 'a textbook example of how quickly frustrations can tip into conflict…
https://etiquetteschoolofohio.com/2016/08/03/crying-babies-etiquette/
Crying Babies Etiquette | Etiquette School of OhioEtiquette School of Ohio
Cited text: Yes, it is a sacrifice to the parent. They may miss part of the wedding, church service, play, dinner, or, in yesterday’s case, Donald Trump’s speech....
Excerpt: 'Parents and children are entitled to occupy public spaces just as much as anyone else,' but this doesn't absolve parents entirely.
https://etiquetteschoolofohio.com/2016/08/03/crying-babies-etiquette/
Children at the (Restaurant) Table
Cited text: “I like to think both the cafe and the parents are responsible for the child’s experience, but certainly the parents bear the weight of responsibility...
Excerpt: Some Australian parents embrace this balanced approach: 'I like to think both the cafe and the parents are responsible for the child's experience, but certainly the parents bear the weight of responsibility for the behaviour.
https://www.broadsheet.com.au/melbourne/food-and-drink/article/children-restaurant-table
Children at the (Restaurant) Table
Cited text: The shared dining space is something that is easily taken for granted until it’s disrupted by something we didn’t expect or don’t like. When it is a m...
Excerpt: The shared dining space 'is something that is easily taken for granted until it's disrupted by something we didn't expect or don't like…
https://www.broadsheet.com.au/melbourne/food-and-drink/article/children-restaurant-table
Families then and now: 1980-2010 | Australian Institute of Family Studies
Cited text: By 1980, young people were remaining longer in education than they had in the past and women were increasingly embracing opportunities to complete sec...
Excerpt: Since the 1980s, 'young people were remaining longer in education' and 'women were increasingly embracing opportunities to complete secondary schooling, embark on post-secondary education and enter the paid workforce…
https://aifs.gov.au/research/research-snapshots/families-then-and-now-1980-2010
Families then and now: 1980-2010 | Australian Institute of Family Studies
Cited text: With the wider availability of the contraceptive pill in the 1970s, women started to delay marriage and postpone having children.6 Feminism fuelled ne...
Excerpt: Since the 1980s, 'young people were remaining longer in education' and 'women were increasingly embracing opportunities to complete secondary schooling, embark on post-secondary education and enter the paid workforce…
https://aifs.gov.au/research/research-snapshots/families-then-and-now-1980-2010
Crying Babies Etiquette | Etiquette School of OhioEtiquette School of Ohio
Cited text: But taking a crying baby out of the room, without being asked, is one of the responsible sacrifices of being a parent.
Excerpt: The solution, according to experts, lies in recognising that 'etiquette isn't about perfection—it's about empathy.'
https://etiquetteschoolofohio.com/2016/08/03/crying-babies-etiquette/
Children at the (Restaurant) Table
Cited text: For $12 a month, join our membership program to stay in the know.SIGN UP · My experience when I was a non-parent (and worked front-of-house in restaur...
Excerpt: One Australian parent and restaurant owner reflects: 'From coming out for coffees as toddlers to an hour-long dinner as they have grown, they are still given a rundown before each meal on how to behave and what is expected of them, and to…
https://www.broadsheet.com.au/melbourne/food-and-drink/article/children-restaurant-table
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