[Danielle F.]

When finances collide with family milestones, what's the best way to respond to this predicament?​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/waffles_r_lyfe:

'I (32F) have an older brother (45M), we used to be very close when i was younger, but drifted apart in the last 5 years when i moved out of state with my husband.'

'We both moved to having job offers and couldn't say no. While i was getting my things in order when i was moving out of state, i noticed that i was still attached to a credit card that my brother had with both our names on it.'

'And it had a balance of $5400, he said he would take care of it and i would be able to remove my name from it. CC company said til the balance is paid off, my name will still be attached.'

'Well fast forward 5 years later and the balance is now over $8,000!! my credit scored has gone from 802 to 612!'

'I work hard and pay my bills to maintain a good credit score. He on the other hand HAD a great job, and was left with an inheritance of 250k when his first wife passed away in 2019. He could've paid it off back then, a long time ago!'

'He told me that he is getting married about 3 days ago, and I haven't responded to him, I don't even know his fiancee, never met the lady.'

'But now my mom is telling me that i am an a hole for not congratulating him, when he is so happy after losing his wife. So am i the a hole for that?? I think he's the bigger one to be fair.'

​

'OK so let me add a little more detail. I haven't used the card in over 5 years. He kept using it, and making payments until he stopped Dec 2024/Jan 2025, that is when i started getting notifications about my score decreasing.'

'He told he closed the account and settled with cc comp to make small payments and that was 2 months ago. My score decreased again today.'

'He has not responded to my text or calls. I bought a new house and new car in 2023 when my score was around 775, so things didn't start to get s***** til end of last year when he decided to stop paying this card.'

 

[novezar]

Well for starters, you'd have to be one real dope for sure for sharing a credit card with anyone.

Now you have to bare the consequences for being stupid in the 1st place.

Don't worry your heart out at all, as the debt will become bigger by the day.

You'll be broke before you know it when your joint card gets maxed out to the limit.

Dumb & Dumber.

 

[gamiry]

I've never owned a credit card but I think, like it or not, pay it out and close it.

 

[darrellh]

You have certainly got yourself in good there and your brother is not doing right by you at all. Usually though a credit card is only in one person's name but another person can have a card linked to the account. It is the name the credit card is in who is actually accountable for the debt. Never heard of a joint credit card before. My husband and I could not get one. Ours was in his name but I had a card with my name on it but he was liable for any debt if not paid.

 

[Towing]

Can you request that the credit card be "frozen" so it can no longer be used? I know you can "freeze" a bank account in joint names by simply calling the bank. I know a lady who did that when she and her husband separated. Later that day her husband tried to empty and close the account.