[Jarred Santos]

I walked away from my first marriage to a womanising, alcoholic gambler whom I wasted 12 years of my life on. Only good thing that came out of it was my 3 children.
Why is it that we don't listen to our
parents when we are young, they tried so hard to warn me. Love is blind.

If it's not too much to ask, what was the final straw in your case, @mylittletibbies?

 

[SGH]

I rid myself of my first marriage, which came with several trappings; a mother-in-law and sister-in-law who took precedence over me, and if he'd married a good little English girl I would have been more understanding. Then came the gambling, the many vehicles 17 (in 18 years of marriage) not paying the mortgage, telling government departments that I had left him to raise two children on his own. And the list goes on...

 

[mylittletibbies]

If it's not too much to ask, what was the final straw in your case, @mylittletibbies?

You know, it's funny the way it happened.
There had been no argument, or anything like that. He'd come home one night, drunk as usual. I just went to bed in exasperation, couldn't be bothered wasting my breath on a argument.
Woke up early the next morning, he was still asleep, stunk of stale beer, and I thought to myself "what on earth is wrong with you woman, what are you doing here. ",. He woke up and I said I wanted him to leave, he just laughed at me, I stuck to my guns and told him that if he didn't leave the kids and I would.
To make a long story short, he did leave, continued to make a nuisance of himself for about 12 months, until I divorced him and he finally got the message.

 

[mylittletibbies]

I actually have a postscript to the above. Several years later, when I was picking up the kids from his access visit he actually said to me 'you never did tell me why you threw me out, if you can't tell me to my face write me a letter and tell me.'
Obviously not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
My answer was "they never made a writing pad big enough."

 

[Esma Rose]

What a pity @my recycling teen age of almost 98 I STILL haven't the courage to share with all my new found mates together with Jarrod, my ONLY ONE heartache that refuses to give me relief! I DO KNOW THOUGH, what your answer would be, all of you. I forgave this person many years ago but know I simply cannot move on because, up until recently I have found by pure supposition that another special mate was completely involved even more. One good thing came out of the incident....& I am patting myself continually on the back. Since I was 17 I have NEVER lied or protected anyone who has lied. I hold in contempt anyone who steals , & worship loyal people up to the hilt. Just perhaps, the person who caused me so much pain so young, inadvertently taught me a lesson on TRUST. Who knows? All those years in the hour glass have gone. There are less left. I have had Christianity in my blood for a life-time.
And YES, until tonight I STILL have not done THE RIGHT THING by walking away. I've forgiven her as I said long ago, but perhaps not sufficiently like "cutting clean." I can't move on now much further can I??? Jarrod, thank you so much for opening an incident I need to revise & do something about. xx Also my loyal mates who I know will be honest with me in our column.

 

[Jarred Santos]

I rid myself of my first marriage, which came with several trappings; a mother-in-law and sister-in-law who took precedence over me, and if he'd married a good little English girl I would have been more understanding. Then came the gambling, the many vehicles 17 (in 18 years of marriage) not paying the mortgage, telling government departments that I had left him to raise two children on his own. And the list goes on...

I imagine this is already a condensed version of what you had to put up with I hope the years that followed were filled with peace, @SGH!

 

[Jarred Santos]

You know, it's funny the way it happened.
There had been no argument, or anything like that. He'd come home one night, drunk as usual. I just went to bed in exasperation, couldn't be bothered wasting my breath on a argument.
Woke up early the next morning, he was still asleep, stunk of stale beer, and I thought to myself "what on earth is wrong with you woman, what are you doing here. ",. He woke up and I said I wanted him to leave, he just laughed at me, I stuck to my guns and told him that if he didn't leave the kids and I would.
To make a long story short, he did leave, continued to make a nuisance of himself for about 12 months, until I divorced him and he finally got the message.

I actually have a postscript to the above. Several years later, when I was picking up the kids from his access visit he actually said to me 'you never did tell me why you threw me out, if you can't tell me to my face write me a letter and tell me.'
Obviously not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
My answer was "they never made a writing pad big enough."

Honestly a line fit for the big screen with that last bit, @mylittletibbies! It's also interesting how there wasn't any big event that tipped things over, it was just more of the same. Like a bucket of water overflowing from continuous drops of water...

 

[Jarred Santos]

What a pity @my recycling teen age of almost 98 I STILL haven't the courage to share with all my new found mates together with Jarrod, my ONLY ONE heartache that refuses to give me relief! I DO KNOW THOUGH, what your answer would be, all of you. I forgave this person many years ago but know I simply cannot move on because, up until recently I have found by pure supposition that another special mate was completely involved even more. One good thing came out of the incident....& I am patting myself continually on the back. Since I was 17 I have NEVER lied or protected anyone who has lied. I hold in contempt anyone who steals , & worship loyal people up to the hilt. Just perhaps, the person who caused me so much pain so young, inadvertently taught me a lesson on TRUST. Who knows? All those years in the hour glass have gone. There are less left. I have had Christianity in my blood for a life-time.
And YES, until tonight I STILL have not done THE RIGHT THING by walking away. I've forgiven her as I said long ago, but perhaps not sufficiently like "cutting clean." I can't move on now much further can I??? Jarrod, thank you so much for opening an incident I need to revise & do something about. xx Also my loyal mates who I know will be honest with me in our column.

I do apologise @Esma Rose, in hindsight asking people to open up like this online is, in a way, a bit cruel. But rather than reopen old wounds, I just hoped to make people realise the value there is in walking away from very taxing situations.

That said, I hope that even without a clear 'closure', you get as much peace out of the situation as possible! It isn't easy when anyone breaks your trust, let alone people you hold dear