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We're ready to fix your internet problem
Next time you get a call supposedly from Telstra, NBN wi-fi, Microsoft, etc about
your faulty internet; use the “Hermann Gruntfuttock” defence.
“What?” I hear you say.
One day the phone rang; silence.
When the silence goes on for quite a while you know it’s an Indian call centre’s
autodial system which automatically dials phone numbers in sequence until it
detects a human voice, then it transfers the call to the team of scammers.
Sure enough a very Indian voice asking me how am I, to which I replied by
asking why are you calling me.
“I’m from Telstra” she said, “We have detected a fault in your internet, so are
ready now to fix it for you” to which I replied, “Are you looking at my account
at the moment?”
“Yes“ was the reply, following which I said “I’ll advise you of my name to make
sure it is my account you’re looking at”
Then I said “My name is Hermann Gruntfuttock, Hermann with two n’s; is that
my account you’re calling about?”
“Yes” was her reply, followed by me saying “Bye bye”
The other day I received yet another call supposedly from Telstra; so just in case
they had recorded Hermann Gruntfuttock as a dud, I used a different name.
My name is Norbert Goosecreature I said.
Did it work? ……………….Yes!
I’ll now need to come up with a new idiotic alias; got a suggestion?
