[Athena E.]

'Was I unreasonable for bringing my own food to a wedding?'​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/farsia2010:

'So I (36, Female) went to my college friend's wedding last weekend. I was really excited for it, she's a good friend and I wanted to celebrate.'

'The issue is I have a medical condition that means I can't eat certain common ingredients (gluten and dairy). It’s not a fad diet or a preference; I get very sick if I eat them. I mentioned this on the RSVP card, where it asked about dietary restrictions.'

The bride told me the venue couldn’t guarantee anything gluten- or dairy-free because of cross-contamination, but she hoped I’d “make do with the salad and fruit.”'

'I didn't want to cause trouble, so I just quietly brought a small container of safe food in my bag (literally just grilled chicken and rice). When dinner was served, I discreetly went outside for 5 minutes, ate it quickly, then came back in to join everyone. I didn’t make a scene, didn’t bring smelly food, didn’t take anything away from the event.'

'Turns out the groom’s mother saw me with the container outside and apparently told a bunch of people I was “disrespecting the caterer” and “making the couple look cheap.”'

'At the reception, she confronted me and said I was “embarrassing the family” and that I should’ve just eaten beforehand if I had an issue. I explained that I wanted to be there for the full event and didn’t want to faint or get sick. She rolled her eyes and said I was selfish and that the wedding is “about the couple, not about your diet.” Some of our mutual friends also agree that I made an a****** move and made the couple look bad....'

'Now I’m wondering if I really crossed a line. I didn’t want to draw attention, but maybe I should’ve handled it differently. So, was I unreasonable for bringing my own food to a wedding?'

 

[Ringdragon]

If it was me with the allergy, I would have told the Bride beforehand that I would bring my own food, just to be sure. I would also have had a quiet word with the caterers on the day, explaining the situation and my allergies. Then if the Mother complained to the Bride she could have replied, 'I know'. Defusing the Mother immediately.

 

[RNgoodgee49]

I think you absolutely did the right thing for your health!
I have a daughter who needs to eat gluten & dairy free and has many allergies to certain foods, including eggs & many vegetables too.

 

[Penny4]

The issue with being a celiac or having a dairy allergy, is people can't dine out due to cross contamination. It's no laughing matter for them.

 

[Marilynne]

Unfortunately, the mistake this woman made was going outside to eat her meal. Perhaps giving it to the caterer with an explanation and eating at the table may have been the way to go. Such a shame the "mother" turned out to be so darn nasty is it me or are some mothers {or in-laws} turn a wedding into a "free for all".

 

[Shazza26]

Geez - so you were supposed to allow yourself to get sick? That’s unreasonable in the extreme.

You discreetly went outside, you didn’t just eat it at the table and call it out.

I would have been happy for you to do that but I do question, in this day and age, any catering company or venue that couldn’t provide a special dietary meal.

Maybe the bride didn’t want or couldn’t afford the cost?

What did the bride say about it - that’s who your friendship is with.

The bride’s Mum was out of line, especially gossiping about it with others instead of being understanding.

I am sorry this happened to you.

 

[DLHM]

Cross contamination of food can be a real problem despite the understanding and care of the caterers in that situation. Not worth taking a chance.

The wedding guest did the right thing. The groom’s mother should have kept her meddlesome mouth shut. She just wanted to cause trouble.

 

[Suzanne rose]

Unfortunately, the mistake this woman made was going outside to eat her meal. Perhaps giving it to the caterer with an explanation and eating at the table may have been the way to go. Such a shame the "mother" turned out to be so darn nasty is it me or are some mothers {or in-laws} turn a wedding into a "free for all".

She may have then had people complain about the smell or something

 

[Suzanne rose]

I think she did the correct thing even going outside to eat it discreetly.
The mother inlaw sounds like a witch.

She did tell the bride beforehand ,which is why she took her own food.

I wonder if there is more to the story because of other friends reactions.

There is always two sides to the story

 

[Catherines]

Surprised, in this day and age, that the caterer was unable to supply a suitable meal. And, yes, the guest could have asked the bride if she could supply her own meal to the caterer to warm up or produce to her at the event. MIL - keep your mouth shut in future. This was not your child who may have had a serious reaction AND yes the guest should have alerted the bride about bringing and eating her meal outside.

 

[meighLeigh]

You were looking after your health, which is perfectly reasonable.
Your "friend's" remark about salads sounded rather like a brush-off, and certainly couldn't-care-less about your problems.
I probably simply would not have gone; sent my apologies. Even if it was the day of the event - acute bout of gastro/recovering from a cold/prior engagement - lots of possible excuses. But if I went and took my own food, I would have told the friend I was going to, and why; I would also have eaten it at the same time and with the rest of the diners. It's no shame to have dietary allergies, there was no need to hide away!

 

[Suzanne rose]

My son and daughter have nut allergy and my daughter has seafood allergy as well.
We have been to so many weddings and christenings and the invitations always ask for special dietary requirements.

A few of my grandchildren have dairy allergies and that is always catered for as well.

I was thinking maybe the blame is on the bride. Maybe she just brushed it under the carpet and never bothered adding it to the invitations

 

[Dreams]

If it was me with the allergy, I would have told the Bride beforehand that I would bring my own food, just to be sure. I would also have had a quiet word with the caterers on the day, explaining the situation and my allergies. Then if the Mother complained to the Bride she could have replied, 'I know'. Defusing the Mother immediately.

If someone had any allergies and they asked me if they could bring their own food to a wedding- I would not have a problem with that.

I would not like anyone having any reaction to food they are allergic to.

 

[Shazza26]

She may have then had people complain about the smell or something

Maybe but she did go outside not in the dining area where everyone was eating and she didn’t mention if others saw her. I just think the MotB was being nasty.

 

[etphhome]

I know how she feels. I’m allergic to garlic and eating out is a nightmare. I can’t count the times when I’ve gone through the menu only to be asked if I would like garlic bread……

 

[Luckyus]

I know how she feels. I’m allergic to garlic and eating out is a nightmare. I can’t count the times when I’ve gone through the menu only to be asked if I would like garlic bread……

Thank Christ the only allergy I had was bullets?

 

[Sue Forday]

You did what you needed to without pulling out the food while sitting at the Reception. They do not understand !!

 

[Dynomite]

No. You didn't want to get sick and ruin friends wedding. If she knew well of your food allergies that would be fine. Some people just don't understand the severity of eating food toxic to some unlucky people.
.

 

[Littleboy8]

Unfortunately, the mistake this woman made was going outside to eat her meal. Perhaps giving it to the caterer with an explanation and eating at the table may have been the way to go. Such a shame the "mother" turned out to be so darn nasty is it me or are some mothers {or in-laws} turn a wedding into a "free for all".

I wouldn’t give it to the caterer it defeats the purpose of bringing your own food doesn’t it. Cross contamination in the kitchen to your food or a nasty caterer.