[Skipton]

To all Connoisseurs of Good Puns............​

· I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

· How does an attorney sleep? First, he lies on one side, then he lies on the other side.

· How do you make holy water? You take some regular water & boil the hell out of it.

· Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.

· What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

· Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favourite kind of music” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

· Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu - you get what you deserve.

· I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any.

· What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.

· I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.

· When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

· A cross-eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

· She had a photographic memory but never developed it.

· Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care.

· I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
· Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin. **

· My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve.

· The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize.

· I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”

· Need an ark? I Noah guy.

· I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure.

· Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

· What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

· What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus.