Things That Only Grandmothers Know: Making Distinctions
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Note from the Editor:
This article was kindly written for the SDC by member Josephine G.
Reading the variety of comments on my ‘Things Only Grandmothers Know’ pieces made me aware, yet again, of the importance of distinctions. We often miss the need to explain the things that are most familiar to us, and this is especially important when we talk about history, whether it is ancient or the more recent past.
Perhaps it is in discussing the recent past that we most need to keep our historical perspective. As an example, I was talking with a granddaughter recently about funerals and commented that when I was growing up, women did not go to funerals; it ‘wasn’t done’. I grew up in England, so I don’t know if this applies also in Australia. In my world, it was normal practice. Another ‘normal practice’ that puts grandees’ eyes out on stalks is that of ‘the churching of women’. Again, I do not know if this was only an English practice. It was more kindly known as ‘The Thanksgiving for Childbirth’, but generally, the rite was known as ‘The Churching’.
I remember my mother being horrified at a woman who had just given birth within a week or so, being out shopping. The horror was not because she should have been at home looking after herself but because she was out before she had been churched. The new mother was not to mix with people until the rites had been administered. This meant going to church and being blessed, but it was, at its roots, a leftover from ancient beliefs about purity; menstrual blood was something impure. Some ideas have a very long history. One can sense the depth of the primitive fear around the mystique of life and death.
My point about distinctions and historical perspective is that human consciousness is constantly evolving, so it makes no sense to evaluate earlier practices by the current way of thinking. The attitudes and practices that were everyday aspects of life even in the mid-twentieth century were not deliberately designed to ‘control women’ or keep them ‘in their place’. I know that many feminists would take exception to that point of view, but I believe that to a large extent, with the majority of the population who are just trying to get on and make the best of their lives, it was more a case of ‘the laws of the tribe’; this is how things are done, this is how they have always been done.
Having a historical perspective means that we have to judge history in its own terms, not according to our present standards. The catch is that it is also true that there is no such thing as objective history; we can never get so far outside our own point of view or place in history to be truly objective. One of the important things we have learned from quantum physics is that things change by being looked at. Doing history authentically means keeping these provisos in mind.
Following on from that is the distinction of writing about gender, and, again, I may not be toeing the feminist line, but if I am writing about women’s experiences, I am not talking about men. That is a rather obvious distinction but important. Simply, I do not believe, as a woman, I can write about men’s experiences with any authenticity. (Of course, the same goes for men writing about women’s experiences; think of Freud!) I can only make conjectures or quote blokes. This means that, for me, writing about what it was like to grow up, when and where I did, I can discuss what it was like for myself, the trends, the attitudes, etc., that were general, knowing that I am describing something that a great many women can relate to. None of this is in any way to put the men in the picture for blame, denigration or even contrast; they are just not on my agenda.
It is pretty dumb, too, to carry on as though women were only ‘poor things,’ defenceless and at the mercy of blokes, history or their own biology. Women are and always have been hugely powerful and they have ways of managing their lives even under duress that I think leave many men shaking their heads. I have ‘on the drawing board’ a piece I think I will call ‘Domestic Sins’, which will discuss, among other things, some of the tactics I learned ‘at my mother’s knee’ for managing the men in my life. Tactics, which I am happy to claim, I thought pretty iffy at the time and deplored and rejected even more when I was old enough to use them.
Watch this space!
From the Editor:
You can read more from member Josephine G. here:
Things That Only Grandmothers Know: The Bridge Generation Part 1
Things That Only Grandmothers Know: Celebrating the Bridge Generation Part II
Meet Member Josephine G.: The Theology of Possibility
Birth: A Question of Choice
A Very Important Thing That Only Grandmothers Know: ‘Who giveth this woman?’
About the author: Josephine Griffiths is a writer, mentor and retreat director. Her academic background is in theology and women’s studies. She is passionate about matching the two disciplines to make new, women-centred interpretations of the well-worn Christian stories. She has taken to writing poetry again after many years.
We were only able to create this content because of the financial support of SDC Rewards members.
If you'd like to see more of this (and a lot fewer ads!), please consider supporting us and signing up for SDC Rewards today—it starts at just 14 cents per day.
This article was kindly written for the SDC by member Josephine G.
Reading the variety of comments on my ‘Things Only Grandmothers Know’ pieces made me aware, yet again, of the importance of distinctions. We often miss the need to explain the things that are most familiar to us, and this is especially important when we talk about history, whether it is ancient or the more recent past.
Perhaps it is in discussing the recent past that we most need to keep our historical perspective. As an example, I was talking with a granddaughter recently about funerals and commented that when I was growing up, women did not go to funerals; it ‘wasn’t done’. I grew up in England, so I don’t know if this applies also in Australia. In my world, it was normal practice. Another ‘normal practice’ that puts grandees’ eyes out on stalks is that of ‘the churching of women’. Again, I do not know if this was only an English practice. It was more kindly known as ‘The Thanksgiving for Childbirth’, but generally, the rite was known as ‘The Churching’.
As the world changes and time passes, so does our perspective. Image Credit: Shutterstock.
I remember my mother being horrified at a woman who had just given birth within a week or so, being out shopping. The horror was not because she should have been at home looking after herself but because she was out before she had been churched. The new mother was not to mix with people until the rites had been administered. This meant going to church and being blessed, but it was, at its roots, a leftover from ancient beliefs about purity; menstrual blood was something impure. Some ideas have a very long history. One can sense the depth of the primitive fear around the mystique of life and death.
My point about distinctions and historical perspective is that human consciousness is constantly evolving, so it makes no sense to evaluate earlier practices by the current way of thinking. The attitudes and practices that were everyday aspects of life even in the mid-twentieth century were not deliberately designed to ‘control women’ or keep them ‘in their place’. I know that many feminists would take exception to that point of view, but I believe that to a large extent, with the majority of the population who are just trying to get on and make the best of their lives, it was more a case of ‘the laws of the tribe’; this is how things are done, this is how they have always been done.
Having a historical perspective means that we have to judge history in its own terms, not according to our present standards. The catch is that it is also true that there is no such thing as objective history; we can never get so far outside our own point of view or place in history to be truly objective. One of the important things we have learned from quantum physics is that things change by being looked at. Doing history authentically means keeping these provisos in mind.
Following on from that is the distinction of writing about gender, and, again, I may not be toeing the feminist line, but if I am writing about women’s experiences, I am not talking about men. That is a rather obvious distinction but important. Simply, I do not believe, as a woman, I can write about men’s experiences with any authenticity. (Of course, the same goes for men writing about women’s experiences; think of Freud!) I can only make conjectures or quote blokes. This means that, for me, writing about what it was like to grow up, when and where I did, I can discuss what it was like for myself, the trends, the attitudes, etc., that were general, knowing that I am describing something that a great many women can relate to. None of this is in any way to put the men in the picture for blame, denigration or even contrast; they are just not on my agenda.
It is pretty dumb, too, to carry on as though women were only ‘poor things,’ defenceless and at the mercy of blokes, history or their own biology. Women are and always have been hugely powerful and they have ways of managing their lives even under duress that I think leave many men shaking their heads. I have ‘on the drawing board’ a piece I think I will call ‘Domestic Sins’, which will discuss, among other things, some of the tactics I learned ‘at my mother’s knee’ for managing the men in my life. Tactics, which I am happy to claim, I thought pretty iffy at the time and deplored and rejected even more when I was old enough to use them.
Watch this space!
From the Editor:
You can read more from member Josephine G. here:
Things That Only Grandmothers Know: The Bridge Generation Part 1
Things That Only Grandmothers Know: Celebrating the Bridge Generation Part II
Meet Member Josephine G.: The Theology of Possibility
Birth: A Question of Choice
A Very Important Thing That Only Grandmothers Know: ‘Who giveth this woman?’
About the author: Josephine Griffiths is a writer, mentor and retreat director. Her academic background is in theology and women’s studies. She is passionate about matching the two disciplines to make new, women-centred interpretations of the well-worn Christian stories. She has taken to writing poetry again after many years.
Meet the author. Image Credit: SDC/member Josephine
We were only able to create this content because of the financial support of SDC Rewards members.
If you'd like to see more of this (and a lot fewer ads!), please consider supporting us and signing up for SDC Rewards today—it starts at just 14 cents per day.
