The ten ways to spot a narcissist and tips on how to handle them
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You may have met one (or too many) narcissists in your life without knowing it. Whether they’re a distant neighbour or a close friend – sometimes it’s difficult to tell just from a few interactions alone.
However, did you know that narcissistic traits can be observed and anyone can actually have them?
According to a psychologist, narcissists are more common than not and there's a nearly 100 per cent chance that you have interacted with at least one narcissist in your life.
Dr Greg Kushnick, a New York-based psychologist revealed the ten traits narcissists typically display and offered some suggestions on how to deal with them.
1. There’s an obsession with power and success:
Narcissistic people are obsessed with gaining power and success. They will do anything to ‘get ahead’ and won’t hesitate to hurt other people in the process. These people will try to control others for their personal gain, and employ unethical tactics to gain an advantage over others.
2. There’s a need for admiration:
Many narcissistic people will ‘strut around like peacocks’ to get admiration and attention from others. Additionally, they have an exaggerated sense of self-importance and might demonstrate a range of attention-seeking behaviours. This helps hide their fears of being undesirable or not good enough.
3. They can instil self-doubt:
Narcissistic individuals will do what they can to make you doubt yourself. This gives them the power to control you however they want. They will play on your insecurities and weaknesses and use this later to belittle you.
4. They lack empathy:
Narcissistic people lack empathy for others. It’s as simple as not caring about someone else’s thoughts or feelings – especially if these do not match their own views. Sometimes, this is scary to witness because they will refuse to listen to reason, or be there to support others they claim to care about.
5. They think the world revolves around them:
Narcissists will do their best to make everything about them. If you share a story with a narcissist, they will try to control the situation and twist it so it forms a narrative about them. This can be tiring as it is almost impossible to get a word in once an individual with narcissistic tendencies has taken control of the conversation.
6. They have a habit of gaslighting:
Gaslighting (which was 2022’s Word of The Year) is another way for narcissists to take control over you – and this is especially true in the context of a romantic relationship. Narcissistic people will have this habit of bullying the ones they love into questioning their own arguments, sometimes even to the point of losing their sanity. This is done by purposefully challenging the victim’s version of the truth; distorting facts and forcing false narratives as the ‘truth’.
7. They have a sense of entitlement:
Narcissistic people believe that they deserve special treatment; they also tend to over-celebrate their own talents. Not-so-fun fact: malignant narcissism, an extreme form of narcissism, is common in most serial killers.
In a study conducted in 2017, experts reviewed the correlation between narcissistic personality disorder and the murder of Queensland native, Allison Baden-Clay in 2012. The researchers argued that George Baden-Clay’s (Allison’s husband) narcissistic personality disorder provided useful insight into how he conducted his crime.
8. They feel like they are always right:
Narcissistic people are never wrong – according to them. They freely judge others, especially if they feel like their authority is challenged. Having a relationship with someone will be difficult as they have the tendency to make the other person feel like they’re always in the wrong and impact their self-image.
9. They’re skilled at ‘future faking’:
‘Future faking’ is when the person promises the world to their loved one after knowing them for a short amount of time. Narcissists will convince the other person that they will be included in the future they had planned for themselves, and then leave the other person hanging once they’ve had their fun. This might also come across as ‘love-bombing’, or one person’s attempt to influence the object of their affection by demonstrating grand gestures of adoration and attention.
10. They take, and they take…and then take some more:
One more sign of an individual with narcissistic tendencies is when they expect you to constantly serve their needs with limited or no reciprocity. Someone might offer them emotional support or shower them with gifts but narcissists will not give anything in return – not even a thank you.
Dr Kushnick also revealed three suggestions to help deal with a narcissist on both personal and professional fronts:
1. Know yourself: Be sure to learn what matters to you, such as goals, values, interests, and opinions. This will give you a good defence when a narcissist is starting to challenge your perception of reality. Remember: Your worth can never be questioned.
2. Learn your boundaries: Recognise what your limits are! Be firm on what you are and aren’t willing to do in a relationship. Being clear with your boundaries allows you to stand by what you value and not feel guilty when you push back against a narcissist claiming to know ‘what’s right for you’.
3. Don’t share your feelings: Avoid sharing feelings with someone who has narcissistic tendencies as they will view this as a weakness. Instead of saying ‘I feel hurt’, take the emotions out of the statement and instead declare a choice: ‘I choose to distance myself from you.’
Have you met someone like this, members? Share with us your experiences in the comments! If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse and needs support, contact Health Direct at 1800 737 732.
However, did you know that narcissistic traits can be observed and anyone can actually have them?
According to a psychologist, narcissists are more common than not and there's a nearly 100 per cent chance that you have interacted with at least one narcissist in your life.
Dr Greg Kushnick, a New York-based psychologist revealed the ten traits narcissists typically display and offered some suggestions on how to deal with them.
Narcissists are good at manipulating others. Credit: RODNAE Productions/Pexels
1. There’s an obsession with power and success:
Narcissistic people are obsessed with gaining power and success. They will do anything to ‘get ahead’ and won’t hesitate to hurt other people in the process. These people will try to control others for their personal gain, and employ unethical tactics to gain an advantage over others.
2. There’s a need for admiration:
Many narcissistic people will ‘strut around like peacocks’ to get admiration and attention from others. Additionally, they have an exaggerated sense of self-importance and might demonstrate a range of attention-seeking behaviours. This helps hide their fears of being undesirable or not good enough.
3. They can instil self-doubt:
Narcissistic individuals will do what they can to make you doubt yourself. This gives them the power to control you however they want. They will play on your insecurities and weaknesses and use this later to belittle you.
4. They lack empathy:
Narcissistic people lack empathy for others. It’s as simple as not caring about someone else’s thoughts or feelings – especially if these do not match their own views. Sometimes, this is scary to witness because they will refuse to listen to reason, or be there to support others they claim to care about.
Narcissists lack empathy for others. Credit: RODNAE Productions/Pexels
5. They think the world revolves around them:
Narcissists will do their best to make everything about them. If you share a story with a narcissist, they will try to control the situation and twist it so it forms a narrative about them. This can be tiring as it is almost impossible to get a word in once an individual with narcissistic tendencies has taken control of the conversation.
6. They have a habit of gaslighting:
Gaslighting (which was 2022’s Word of The Year) is another way for narcissists to take control over you – and this is especially true in the context of a romantic relationship. Narcissistic people will have this habit of bullying the ones they love into questioning their own arguments, sometimes even to the point of losing their sanity. This is done by purposefully challenging the victim’s version of the truth; distorting facts and forcing false narratives as the ‘truth’.
7. They have a sense of entitlement:
Narcissistic people believe that they deserve special treatment; they also tend to over-celebrate their own talents. Not-so-fun fact: malignant narcissism, an extreme form of narcissism, is common in most serial killers.
In a study conducted in 2017, experts reviewed the correlation between narcissistic personality disorder and the murder of Queensland native, Allison Baden-Clay in 2012. The researchers argued that George Baden-Clay’s (Allison’s husband) narcissistic personality disorder provided useful insight into how he conducted his crime.
8. They feel like they are always right:
Narcissistic people are never wrong – according to them. They freely judge others, especially if they feel like their authority is challenged. Having a relationship with someone will be difficult as they have the tendency to make the other person feel like they’re always in the wrong and impact their self-image.
Narcissistic people can isolate their loved ones to stop them from getting help. Credit: Inayat Ullah/Pexels
9. They’re skilled at ‘future faking’:
‘Future faking’ is when the person promises the world to their loved one after knowing them for a short amount of time. Narcissists will convince the other person that they will be included in the future they had planned for themselves, and then leave the other person hanging once they’ve had their fun. This might also come across as ‘love-bombing’, or one person’s attempt to influence the object of their affection by demonstrating grand gestures of adoration and attention.
10. They take, and they take…and then take some more:
One more sign of an individual with narcissistic tendencies is when they expect you to constantly serve their needs with limited or no reciprocity. Someone might offer them emotional support or shower them with gifts but narcissists will not give anything in return – not even a thank you.
Dr Kushnick also revealed three suggestions to help deal with a narcissist on both personal and professional fronts:
1. Know yourself: Be sure to learn what matters to you, such as goals, values, interests, and opinions. This will give you a good defence when a narcissist is starting to challenge your perception of reality. Remember: Your worth can never be questioned.
2. Learn your boundaries: Recognise what your limits are! Be firm on what you are and aren’t willing to do in a relationship. Being clear with your boundaries allows you to stand by what you value and not feel guilty when you push back against a narcissist claiming to know ‘what’s right for you’.
3. Don’t share your feelings: Avoid sharing feelings with someone who has narcissistic tendencies as they will view this as a weakness. Instead of saying ‘I feel hurt’, take the emotions out of the statement and instead declare a choice: ‘I choose to distance myself from you.’
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