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The SDC ANZAC Day Dawn Service: Jokes from the Trenches of the ANZACs​

A few years ago, a few members sent through their favourite jokes in response to our 2023 ANZAC Day Dawn Service newsletter. So this year, we thought we’d feature a few more chuckles from the trenches, shared by SDC Members themselves. You can also share your jokes with us in the comments below!

Member @Dennis shared this joke:

The Matron was making her rounds of the military hospital when she stopped at a bed where the occupant was loudly moaning and groaning, the matron asked the fellow in the next bed what was wrong with the other fellow, he answered he had been shot up the backside, Rectum my dear man said the matron, wrecked him Matron it nearly killed him.

Member @mOiOz shared this joke:

Credit: Member @mOiOz

As serious as today is, it would be amiss not to honour the humour of our ANZACs. Through the darkest times, our soldiers carried not just courage, but wit. That Aussie spirit, that dry humour—it’s something we can all carry forward.

Lest We Forget.

 

[janj]

Lest we forget

 

[Helen171]

Lest we forget

 

[Fay1946]

Lest we forget

 

[Swizzle]

Lest We Forget

 

[Gazzboy]

As I approached enlistment age, I waited to be called up to go to Vietnam. Fortunately, the war ended before I made the call.

 

[TonyV]

As I approached enlistment age, I waited to be called up to go to Vietnam. Fortunately, the war ended before I made the call.

Same for me, just missed out thankfully.

 

[Macarj]

LEST WE FORGET

 

[Gunpark]

True story, condensed. January '68 I was put into hospital at Ingleburn with suspected Malaria. There I was naked on the bed and in came a Sister with bowl of water and ice cubes floating on it and sponge and proceeded to sponge me down. ME, my mother said I would get pneumonia from this. SISTER, shut up we can cure pneumonia, if we don't get your temperature down there will be nothing to cure. After a month in hospital it was off to Puckapunyal. The following January it was off to Puckapunyal hospital. Same story admitted, lying on bed naked and in comes same Sister with similar bowl etc. Me, we have to stop meeting like this. SISTER, yes, I've seen enough of you. By this time we were both in hysterics, she was [posted there the same time I was.

 

[PattiB]

Same for me, just missed out thankfully.

My husband was called up but it was deferred because he was training with PMG to be a technician, by then the war was almost done & he was deemed medically unfit due to extreme hay fever. My brother in law went to Vietnam & was haunted for the rest of his life. My dad served in New Guinea during world war 2, so ANZAC Day is so important to us. Hopefully we don’t have to experience another war, not that I have as I wasn’t born until the 50’s.

 

[Dennis]

Today is not the time for Jokes so I dug through my files for another poem, here goes The Australia Lighthorse.
In 1914 to fight through to Palestine
There arrived in Egypt a force so fine
They were the Corp of the Australian Light Horse
A page in history was about to take its course
The Turks and Germans were a mighty foe
To drive them back was mighty slow
At Bersheba, Gaza and Jerusalem before the final battle
Wash here the Lighthorse showed their mettle
There adversities were forced to flee back to Turkey over the sea
But way before the Desert campaign ended a sinister event was in tended
In London an attack on the Dardanelles was advised
Experience showed the planning was not wise
Some Lighthorse were dismounted to fight as infantry
With New Zealand forces they were a sight to see
30,000 men sailed part of an allied armada
Landing at Gallipoli they found that the Turks for their land fought harder
Machine guns and rifle fire, the pounding of the guns
Kept the Aussies in their trenches under the burning sun
Through deaths, wounds and disease
The Aussies were finally brought to their knees
And when the orders came to withdraw
They left their mates behind by the score
After the war people began to say
This Nation should recognize Anzac Day
As the 25th of April arrives each year
Medals are shined for the ex- personal to wear
Proudly they march with their old mates
To join old units some still come from interstate
But still they march through city street
Years go by and the Anzacs grow older
Vets from other wars gradually take over
But still they march through the streets
Cheering crowds still gather to remember their feats
And in our schools the children pray
Hoping war does not come their way
But from the beginning to year dot
Those valiant Anzacs will never be forgot
Less we forget
Dennis Ringrose 2005

 

[Reet]

My husband was called up but it was deferred because he was training with PMG to be a technician, by then the war was almost done & he was deemed medically unfit due to extreme hay fever. My brother in law went to Vietnam & was haunted for the rest of his life. My dad served in New Guinea during world war 2, so ANZAC Day is so important to us. Hopefully we don’t have to experience another war, not that I have as I wasn’t born until the 50’s.

I hope you never have to experience war as once you have, you never forget it. I was a child when WW2 broke out and in England and I wish I could forget it.

 

[PattiB]

Today is not the time for Jokes so I dug through my files for another poem, here goes The Australia Lighthorse.
In 1914 to fight through to Palestine
There arrived in Egypt a force so fine
They were the Corp of the Australian Light Horse
A page in history was about to take its course
The Turks and Germans were a mighty foe
To drive them back was mighty slow
At Bersheba, Gaza and Jerusalem before the final battle
Wash here the Lighthorse showed their mettle
There adversities were forced to flee back to Turkey over the sea
But way before the Desert campaign ended a sinister event was in tended
In London an attack on the Dardanelles was advised
Experience showed the planning was not wise
Some Lighthorse were dismounted to fight as infantry
With New Zealand forces they were a sight to see
30,000 men sailed part of an allied armada
Landing at Gallipoli they found that the Turks for their land fought harder
Machine guns and rifle fire, the pounding of the guns
Kept the Aussies in their trenches under the burning sun
Through deaths, wounds and disease
The Aussies were finally brought to their knees
And when the orders came to withdraw
They left their mates behind by the score
After the war people began to say
This Nation should recognize Anzac Day
As the 25th of April arrives each year
Medals are shined for the ex- personal to wear
Proudly they march with their old mates
To join old units some still come from interstate
But still they march through city street
Years go by and the Anzacs grow older
Vets from other wars gradually take over
But still they march through the streets
Cheering crowds still gather to remember their feats
And in our schools the children pray
Hoping war does not come their way
But from the beginning to year dot
Those valiant Anzacs will never be forgot
Less we forget
Dennis Ringrose 2005

Thank you for posting the poem Dennis, made me feel a bit emotional.

 

[[email protected].]

Thanks for the memories again! My sister in law's 2nd husband rode in the Charge at Beersheba and survived to regularly lead the Anzac Day procession on a horse in Albany WA. A lovely old man and a great brother-in-law whom I remember well from the early 1980s.

 

[Luckyus]

I hope you never have to experience war as once you have, you never forget it. I was a child when WW2 broke out and in England and I wish I could forget it.

Throughout I was in the South East of the UK

Today is not the time for Jokes so I dug through my files for another poem, here goes The Australia Lighthorse.
In 1914 to fight through to Palestine
There arrived in Egypt a force so fine
They were the Corp of the Australian Light Horse
A page in history was about to take its course
The Turks and Germans were a mighty foe
To drive them back was mighty slow
At Bersheba, Gaza and Jerusalem before the final battle
Wash here the Lighthorse showed their mettle
There adversities were forced to flee back to Turkey over the sea
But way before the Desert campaign ended a sinister event was in tended
In London an attack on the Dardanelles was advised
Experience showed the planning was not wise
Some Lighthorse were dismounted to fight as infantry
With New Zealand forces they were a sight to see
30,000 men sailed part of an allied armada
Landing at Gallipoli they found that the Turks for their land fought harder
Machine guns and rifle fire, the pounding of the guns
Kept the Aussies in their trenches under the burning sun
Through deaths, wounds and disease
The Aussies were finally brought to their knees
And when the orders came to withdraw
They left their mates behind by the score
After the war people began to say
This Nation should recognize Anzac Day
As the 25th of April arrives each year
Medals are shined for the ex- personal to wear
Proudly they march with their old mates
To join old units some still come from interstate
But still they march through city street
Years go by and the Anzacs grow older
Vets from other wars gradually take over
But still they march through the streets
Cheering crowds still gather to remember their feats
And in our schools the children pray
Hoping war does not come their way
But from the beginning to year dot
Those valiant Anzacs will never be forgot
Less we forget
Dennis Ringrose 2005

I beg to differ, in times of any sort of conflict its known as gallows humour? although I will save any till the morrow. But many to you for posting this.