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So, so funny. Loved it. Can't stop laughing..
The best fart joke I've EVER heard..
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion
for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met
a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would
marry, he thought to himself "She'll never go for me carrying on
like that," so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans,
and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down
and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told
her he would be late because he had to walk. On is way home, he
passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans
overwhelmed him.
Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk
off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and
ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of
baked beans. All the way home he 'putt-putted'. He 'putted' down
one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived
home he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She
exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you
for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to
his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to
peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming
on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone
rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned,
and she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his
weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as
a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his
napkin and fanned the air about him.
He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He
raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine
revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried
fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate.
Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another
urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go.
This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the
dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the
table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the
conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying
blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes,
farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.
When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his
loneliness, and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and
folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the
picture of innocence when his wife walked in.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the
dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold
and yelled, "Surprise!!"
To his shock & horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated
around the table for his surprise birthday party.
