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So Many One Liners!!!!
- As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
- I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.
- Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.
- My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there's a new strain out there.
- It’s not my age that bothers me; it’s the side effects.
- I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I make sure I’m nowhere near the curb on trash day.
- As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I'm sure of one thing: It will be misspelled and have no punctuation.
- As I’ve gotten older, people think I’ve become lazy. The truth is I’m just being more energy efficient.
- I haven't gotten anything done today. I've been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.
- If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.
- Turns out that being a "senior" is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
- I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.
- I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.
- My mind is like an internet browser At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.
- Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.
- She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found mute by now.
- So you’ve been eating hot dogs and McChickens all your life, but you won’t take the vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it. Are you kidding me?
- There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest.
them all thanks.
