[Luckyus]

Small Collection​

Teacher asks Billy; "If you have five sweets and Mohammed asks for one, how many will you have left?"
Billy; "Five"


Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stella.
Barman asks, "What's wrong with Stella?"
Bloke says, "I had 12 pints of Stella last night and when I came round I was f**king skint."
Barman says, "12 pints of anything costs about the same."
Bloke replies, "Skint's my dog."


Wife says to husband "You only ever want sex when You're drunk"
Husband says "thats not true....... sometimes I want a kebab"


My son asked me today what's the difference between a crow and a blackbird.
I told him crows have somewhat heavier beaks and fan shaped tails.
A blackbird has big rubbery lips, fuzzy hair and a massive arse.


I bought the wife a Memory Stick, it's great She hasn't forgotten my beer, dinner or sex once since the first beating.


A Geordie and a Yank aid worker are helping out in japan Yank says, "You from round here, buddy?"
"No," he replies, " Newcastle "
"What State's that in?" asks the Yank.
"Pretty much the same as this place!"


Kate Middleton asked the Queen for advice on marriage and a long relationship...
she replied "Wear a seatbelt and don't piss me off!"


A man approaches a young woman in a shop. he says" I can't find my wife, can I talk to you for a few minutes?"
The woman says "Sure but do you have any idea where your wife is?"
"Not a clue" he says" But whenever I talk to a beautiful woman with tits like yours she appears out of nowhere!"


The Japanese government have thanked Britain for the rescue dogs they sent out.
They said they were delicious!


My sexy Chinese neighbour told me she was desperate for a roger.
It was only when I had my trousers round my ankles, that I realised she wanted to rent her spare room out!!


I was working in Tesco, re-arranging boxes of soap powder in aisle 7,
when in walks the girl I'd shagged last night.
She said "Oi!. You told me you were a stunt pilot .... you lying bastard!"
I replied "No, I told you I was part of the Ariel display team ....!"