[Michelle Engbino]

Should my daughter pay for breaking something that’s already being replaced?​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit.

'Am I being unreasonable for taking unneccesary money out of my daughter's pocket?'​

Basically, I have a daughter, Emily (16F), from a previous marriage. My wife Sasha has a son the same age, Mark (16M). Mark doesn't stay with us that often; he prefers to stay with his biological dad. That being said, when he is here, I find Mark to be a pretty good kid, polite and respectful.

His dad decided to take a trip for work, in the last few weeks of school, so Mark's here for a bit. He's out of the house most of the time and doesn't take up much space. He does get kind of grumpy when there’s too much going on around him, especially noise, but for that, his favourite thing are these expensive noise-cancelling headphones which he almost always has with him--a present from his dad.

Emily’s school has already finished, so she's home. The problem is that the room Mark is, sometimes has miscellaneous items put in when he's not here and therefore Emily seems to think it's fair game to go through his stuff. I've told her to stop, but Sasha hasn't been taking it seriously, in my opinion, saying that most of Mark's stuff is easy to replace.

The big problem happened when Mark accidentally left his headphones in his room, and Emily accidentally snapped them.

Mark found out when he came home from school and flipped. He shouted at her, saying she was 'spoilt without anything to back it up', loud enough that my wife and I heard it from the other room. Sasha wanted me to calm things down, which I did- but I also told Emily she’s replacing them.

Thing is, Mark’s dad offered have someone get him a new pair immediately, and that it wasn't a problem. I said Emily would pay him back, and I'm sticking with it.

Emily and Sasha think that’s unfair since Mark’s dad can afford to buy 10 more. But I don’t think you get to break someone’s stuff and not pay for it. Those aren't the values I was raised with or what I want for my daughter.

That being said, I do realise that in this case, it's kind of unnecessary, and there may be better ways for her to make it up to him. AIBU?

 

[mOiOz]

She has to learn responsibility, even if his dad's a millionaire!

 

[Witty]

She should not have been in his room in the first place. His space is personal and private. Your daughter would not like it if Mark decided to go through everything in her room. There are boundaries that need to be enforced. Doesn't matter if his father can afford to replace them. I agree with you, your daughter need to accept responsibility for what she has done. Just buy him another set and get your daughter to pay you back, but set a time limit for her to do so.

 

[Bullwinkle]

She needs to be responsible for her actions, most definitely she needs to pay for the new headphones. She should never have been in his room without his permission, let alone touch or take his things..
Stand you ground…make her pay!!

 

[Parrot]

As noise is a big factor with Mark it appears the head phones are helping Him
So as they are an important to Mark …. Emily should replace them .. it’s like the
Notice in some shops. “ You Break You Pay “ . It’s simple as that..
Just because Mark’s Father can afford to buy Him another why should he
as for saying “ it’s kind of unnecessary “.
You are backing down .. that is not teaching Emily any values..

 

[Mickie Stoner]

NO!!!

 

[Morgans Orchard]

My biggest question is WHAT !!?. Was she doing in his room in the first place . Sounds like she wants a BIG lesson in RESPECT . 1 Respect other peoples privacy 2respect other peoples belongings . Has she ever been stay with other family members whom just wander in and go thru her belongings . If these two lessons had been taught we wouldn’t be having this conversation now . Yes make her pay for it with a big apology in person also Manners needed here

 

[DiBoz]

In my opinion you are being a great Dad. Teaching your daughter to be responsible for her actions. Most kids these days ( I am not saying ALL. ) think the world owes them a living. Stick to your guns and make her pay for the headphones she broke.

 

[Dreams]

Agree

If anyone breaks something that doesn’t belong to them they should pay.

I think that is great parenting.

Good lesson and may learn not to touch what is not theirs!!

 

[Dreams]

Agree

If anyone breaks something that doesn’t belong to them they should pay.

I think that is great parenting.

Good lesson and may learn not to touch what is not theirs!!

 

[7777]

The daughter is 16 she is not a young child. If a child broke the headphone, then have the parent pay for it. However this girl is old enough to know the meaning of respect for other people's belongings. By making her pay for the snapped headphones, it will teach her not to touch other people's items without their permission.

 

[Frida1944]

This father is doing the right thing - so well done dad. He's teaching his daughter actions have consequences. The fact the other father can afford to replace these headphones is totally irrelevant. The daughter has to learn some respect for other people's possessions and, if she breaks them, it is her responsibility to reimburse that person. It would seem she also has to learn to respect other people's privacy. Also, the boy who owns the headphones may well have some issues with noise, so needs them to cut out that noise.

 

[JKD]

I would do the same and it is time she learnt not to touch other people's property. She is 16 and not a child who knows no difference. Time she learnt a lesson so stick to your guns

 

[HelenB55]

She is not a young child…. she is 16, & should know better than to snoop through others items….let alone break something that is not hers.

How would she feel if Mark went through her stuff ???

She needs to pay for the broken item to teach her a lesson.

 

[ARL]

You are not being unreasonable. Going into in some one else's room and sesrching and taking their belongings is enough to warrant consequences. Unless there is some other suitable consequence, she should pay for the damaged item.

 

[katdragon2010]

Please don't back down on this. If this girl doesn't learn learn now, that actions have consequences, then what kind of an adult is she likely to become? She must learn to have respect for other people's privacy and property.

 

[MariaG]

She is old enough to get off her bratty butt, get a job, earn enough to buy replacements for everything that has been damaged, or, will be damaged.
Serious boundaries were crossed and this must be addressed.
Most times, at her age, confiscation of the mobile until the damaged items are replaced, would be a fitting punishment.... it would drive her nuts.
Actions have consequences.

 

[darrellh]

I agree with all of the above. She should never have gone into his room and touched his belongings in the first place. Actions have consequences and she needs to learn that now together with respect. She definitely needs to pay for the headphones.