[Luckyus]

Shorts​

(1) I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, ungrateful twats, all I said was,

'Hurry up for Christ's sake, some of us have got homes to go to!'

(2) Christmas is like any other day for me,

Sitting at the table with a big fat bird who doesn't gobble anymore.

(3) Women should be like golf caddies, either holding your balls or

Getting your bloody tee ready!

(4) Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's mainly black and brown

with a small white patch,

So I've named him Broadmeadows.

(5) In an Indian restaurant last night having a meal, waiter came over and says, 'Curry Ok?'

I said, 'go on then, just one song then bugger off'

(6) I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail.

I looked round and this bloke shouts,

'That's just for starters!'

(7) Firemen have just rescued an Irish man with his penis stuck in a condom machine.

They asked him what happened and he said,

The sign says, insert $5 and push knob in'.

(8) Yoko Ono has been signed up for the next series of 'I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!'

Show bosses think she will do really well since she's been living off a dead

Beatle for over forty years.