[Danielle G.]

She couldn't take her husband's shower habit - so she did THIS. Was it unreasonable?​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/ColorStorms:

Am I being unreasonable for throwing a cup of cold water on my naked husband?

'My husband has been tested for ADHD, but he doesn't have it. He has the kinds of problems that are associated with ADHD.'

'However, 'he says writing lists, making a schedule, setting alarms, etc, is physically painful for him and he'd rather just deal with occassional emergencies rather than be proactive.'

'The specific problem: He often forgets to push the shower diverter valve down. You know, the little rod on the tub faucet that you push down to make water fill the tub, and pull up to make the water come out of the shower?'

'For nearly twenty years, I have been asking him to push that down.'

'At least twice a month I have a VERY unpleasant wakeup/cold shower, because I turn the water on, and I get a cold spray from the shower. And every time he's apologetic, and then a week or two later, it happens again.'

'He will do better for a while, and then it slips in again. He is always telling me that he's working on it, and hasn't he been better about it lately? But somehow he's always working on it, always improving, but it never stops.'

'Today I just had it. I stepped into the shower, turned it on, and had a very cold and rude awakening. I couldn't take it anymore, I grabbed the cup by the sink and filled it about 3 inches with cold water, and walked out to where he was standing naked (he had just taken off his pajamas and was going to take his shower after mine.)'

'Without warning, while he was looking down, I held that plastic cup firmly in my hand, and grasping it tightly, I jerked it in a 45 degree angle to get that cold water all over his torso and face.'

'I told him that his apologies were worth the paper they were written on, and I was tired of listening to him congratulate himself for "getting better" when I had been asking for twenty years to stop doing this. I told him I don't accept his apologies, and the fact that it's an accident does not excuse it. I told him that from now on, every time I'm taking a cold shower, so is he. That I refuse to be a second class citizen in my own home any longer, and if he refuses to make changes to treat me better, I will instead make changes to treat him worse, because I will not tolerate this any longer.'

'I'm going to continue to surprise throw a cold cup of water on him every time I get a surprise cold shower. I'm tired of *asking/begging for basic respect and not getting it, with the implication that I have to put up with this forever. I know I'm probably unreasonable, but is it justified?'

 

[Witty]

You have a number of options.
1.After all these years he is not going to change - so up to you to check before you get into the shower
2. Revenge - reset so that he gets a cold shower.
3. Get a small sign made and laminated and place it where he will see it to remind him to reset the button for you.
4. Get a plumber in to make alterations to your bathroom. Separate taps for the bath and the shower.
5. So, if he has a shower after you why doesn 't he leave it as it was for you?

My husband would prefer to close the bedroom window at night - I don't. He goes to bed before me so I just check and if he has almost closed it I just open it to where I want it and go to bed. Problem solved and no arguments.

 

[magpie1]

Petty.

 

[Jennie]

Just check the bloody tap before having a shower.

 

[JKD]

Surely if she knows he is always forgetting, how hard is it for her to simply check before her shower? Why make such a drama. Unbelievable.

 

[etphhome]

I always run the water in the shower until it’s the right temperature before I get in. How hard is that to do?

 

[PattiB]

I wouldn’t dare get in my shower before checking the temperature, it takes a while for the preheated water to arrive.

 

[Morgans Orchard]

I have Raynaud’s disease and cannot stand cold water or weather I don’t dare get in shower until I have water temperature that suits me . I do not rely on water taps or anyone else . Obviously it can’t be that cold or you are a slow learner ?

 

[electricblanket]

So your husband hasnt changed in 20 years - but nor have YOU. For 20 years you have known that the shower may be cold when you turn it on - so why have YOU not done anything about it? Who has the ADHD like symptoms?
For goodness sake, test the shower before you turn it on!

 

[BellaB18]

Just do it yourself. My goodness if l waited on others to do things for me l would be waiting for ever.

 

[Luckyus]

Can he lick his eyebrows or something?

 

[Bridiecat]

I always run the water in the shower until it’s the right temperature before I get in. How hard is that to do?

Most people do