Reaching the Big O
- Replies 18
Your sex life might be one of the last things on your mind, or it might not. But did you know that orgasms and great sex are still achievable after menopause—and with a few minor mental and physical adjustments, you can enjoy some incredible intimacy with your partner(s)?
Rather than worrying whether your sexual years are behind you, it's time to make a few amendments and adapt to this new stage of your life with a fresh outlook.
In fact, many of our members have said they’re now having the best sex of their lives.
For those looking for help reaching the climax ‘goal post’, it's worth keeping in mind that the natural decrease in sensitivity with age could make it more challenging to reach an orgasm—but that doesn’t mean it's impossible.
Just as wine gets better with age, so does the potential for a fulfilling sex life. Indeed, achieving the 'Big O’ isn't restricted to the young. Ladies, put your doubt aside about reaching that pleasure summit post-menopause. An exciting chapter of sexual experimentation and satisfaction is within reach, and we’re here with some tips to help reinvigorate your physical intimacy. Buckle up because we're about to explore the mysteries and myth-busting facts about achieving orgasm post-menopause.
Aptly referred to as 'The Change', menopause signifies considerable hormonal adjustments in women that can cause quite a stir. Amongst the familiar symptoms like hot flashes, many women express concerns about the future of their sex lives; but let’s sort out the facts from the fables.
Contrary to the taboos and age-old rumours, menopause doesn’t signify the end of sexual pleasure.
What triggers a climax?
Research shows an orgasm is a brain event typically triggered by genital stimulation, but it can also arise from stimulation of other parts of the body (including breast and nipple), fantasy, and in women with spinal cord injury, vibrostimulation of the cervix.
The lack of orgasm in women is a very common complaint, affecting 25–30% of younger women and 20–25% of older women.
Plus, 75% of women of all ages do not reach orgasm solely through penetration.
Before we get into the main advice, you can do a few things yourself to increase your chance of orgasm.
The journey, not the destination
‘I really want that climax, but I just can't get there!' Sound familiar?
Sometimes focusing on the destination can actually cause a disservice. The key is to focus on the pleasure and the journey rather than obsessing about the ‘goal’.
Lube is your new best friend
Menopause can lead to vaginal dryness due to the drop in oestrogen and progesterone levels, making penetration uncomfortable. Lubricant will make your journey a whole lot smoother and more enjoyable.
If you’re enjoying sex with multiple partners, condoms are recommended but alter the lubricant you should purchase.
Water-based or silicone lube is always safe to use with any kind of condom. However, you should avoid oil-based lubricants as they can damage or break latex condoms.
A focussed effort: direct stimulation
Direct stimulation might just be the gateway to get you to the big O. The reduction in blood flow to the vagina and clitoris during menopause might make things a bit challenging. Try starting with some clitoral-touching exercises or oral sex. You might even achieve the best results by indulging in some personal time with a vibrator*.
Invite a friend into the bedroom
Did that catch your attention? Don’t worry; the friend in question is a sex toy. Experimenting with sex toys alone or with a partner can be a great way to reach climax.
There are a range of models on the market, so research what you might like best. Or you might like to try a bundle pack* for a more hands-on research experience.
Don’t rush foreplay
While skyrocketing hormones might cause delays in arousal, with ample time and creativity, you could turn it into a grand foreplay fest—sensual massages, candlelit baths and whispering sweet desires.
Are you looking for a way to play solo instead? While 76% of men in a survey said they watch pornography, women, instead, were more likely to read erotic fiction (53%). Only 36% of women surveyed said they watch pornography. So if it doesn’t do the trick for you, you’re not alone. Why not explore the world of erotic literature? Many libraries have digital eBook options, so leaving the house for your next read is unnecessary.
There are also audio porn companies created specifically to cater to women’s fantasies, such as Quinn.
Regulate body temperature during steamy moments
Now, hot flashes might get you heated up the wrong way, but with a few tricks up your sleeve, like having a fan in your room, hydrating or even incorporating ice cubes, you can balance the heat dial.
Don't let the perceived 'difficulty' in achieving an orgasm post-menopause discourage you. Instead, use it as an incentive to discover new thresholds of pleasure. After all, a drop in sexual desire or difficulty reaching climax isn't entirely due to menopausal transition but rather a combination of factors such as other physical symptoms or emotional changes.
Are you suffering from vaginal tightness or pain? Regular sex, including solo explorations, can be a great help. But remember, sex doesn’t have to involve penetration. Feel free to skip it entirely and try something that doesn’t cause discomfort, such as oral sex or mutual masturbation.
Some positions might be more comfortable if you’re experiencing pain, including:
Kegel exercises you can do right now
The following exercises are courtesy of the Royal Women’s Hospital.
Exercise 1 (long hold for strength)
Step 1: Sit, stand tall, lie on your back or kneel on your hands and knees.
Step 2: Imagine what muscles you would tighten to stop yourself from passing wind or to ‘hold on’ from passing urine. If you can’t feel a distinct tightening of these muscles, ask for help from a women’s health physiotherapist who can help you get started.
Step 3: Now that you can feel your pelvic floor muscles working, tighten them around your front passage, vagina and back passage as strongly as possible and hold for three to five seconds. By doing this, you should feel your pelvic floor muscles ‘lift up’ inside you and feel a definite ‘let go’ as the muscles relax. If you can hold longer, then do so.
Remember, the squeeze must stay strong, and you should feel a definite ‘let go’. Repeat up to ten times or until you feel your pelvic floor muscles fatigue.
Rest for a few seconds in between each squeeze.
Steps one to three count as one exercise set. Do three sets per day in different positions.
Exercise 2 (quick squeeze for power)
Squeeze and lift your pelvic floor muscles as strongly and quickly as possible. Do not try to hold on to the contraction; just squeeze and let go. Rest for a few seconds in between each squeeze. Repeat this 10 to 20 times or until you feel your pelvic floor muscles fatigue.
Do this exercise three times a day.
Remember, good sex isn’t just for the youngsters, and menopause doesn’t mean closing the doors on your sexual desires. Keep the communication lines open with your partner, experiment, and, most importantly, enjoy the ride.
Just as maintaining overall health to age gracefully is vital, preserving the vibrancy in your sexual health during menopause and beyond is crucial too. Ensure safety with new partners and regular sexual health check-ups.
Not everything might go as planned, and if the strategies above don’t provide the desired results or you’re still experiencing pain during sex, reach out to a healthcare professional or a sex therapist.
Now, let’s stride ahead with confidence into a vibrant new stage of sexuality.
Rather than worrying whether your sexual years are behind you, it's time to make a few amendments and adapt to this new stage of your life with a fresh outlook.
In fact, many of our members have said they’re now having the best sex of their lives.
For those looking for help reaching the climax ‘goal post’, it's worth keeping in mind that the natural decrease in sensitivity with age could make it more challenging to reach an orgasm—but that doesn’t mean it's impossible.
Just as wine gets better with age, so does the potential for a fulfilling sex life. Indeed, achieving the 'Big O’ isn't restricted to the young. Ladies, put your doubt aside about reaching that pleasure summit post-menopause. An exciting chapter of sexual experimentation and satisfaction is within reach, and we’re here with some tips to help reinvigorate your physical intimacy. Buckle up because we're about to explore the mysteries and myth-busting facts about achieving orgasm post-menopause.
Aptly referred to as 'The Change', menopause signifies considerable hormonal adjustments in women that can cause quite a stir. Amongst the familiar symptoms like hot flashes, many women express concerns about the future of their sex lives; but let’s sort out the facts from the fables.
Contrary to the taboos and age-old rumours, menopause doesn’t signify the end of sexual pleasure.
What triggers a climax?
Research shows an orgasm is a brain event typically triggered by genital stimulation, but it can also arise from stimulation of other parts of the body (including breast and nipple), fantasy, and in women with spinal cord injury, vibrostimulation of the cervix.
The lack of orgasm in women is a very common complaint, affecting 25–30% of younger women and 20–25% of older women.
Plus, 75% of women of all ages do not reach orgasm solely through penetration.
Before we get into the main advice, you can do a few things yourself to increase your chance of orgasm.
- Enjoy solo sessions. The theory is that the more orgasms you have, the easier it will be to have more.
- Exercise before sex to increase blood flow.
- Avoid eating before sex as it will redirect energy and blood flow towards digesting.
If you’re having trouble reaching the big O, this advice might help. Image Credit: Shutterstock
The journey, not the destination
‘I really want that climax, but I just can't get there!' Sound familiar?
Sometimes focusing on the destination can actually cause a disservice. The key is to focus on the pleasure and the journey rather than obsessing about the ‘goal’.
Lube is your new best friend
Menopause can lead to vaginal dryness due to the drop in oestrogen and progesterone levels, making penetration uncomfortable. Lubricant will make your journey a whole lot smoother and more enjoyable.
If you’re enjoying sex with multiple partners, condoms are recommended but alter the lubricant you should purchase.
Water-based or silicone lube is always safe to use with any kind of condom. However, you should avoid oil-based lubricants as they can damage or break latex condoms.
A focussed effort: direct stimulation
Direct stimulation might just be the gateway to get you to the big O. The reduction in blood flow to the vagina and clitoris during menopause might make things a bit challenging. Try starting with some clitoral-touching exercises or oral sex. You might even achieve the best results by indulging in some personal time with a vibrator*.
Invite a friend into the bedroom
Did that catch your attention? Don’t worry; the friend in question is a sex toy. Experimenting with sex toys alone or with a partner can be a great way to reach climax.
There are a range of models on the market, so research what you might like best. Or you might like to try a bundle pack* for a more hands-on research experience.
Don’t rush foreplay
While skyrocketing hormones might cause delays in arousal, with ample time and creativity, you could turn it into a grand foreplay fest—sensual massages, candlelit baths and whispering sweet desires.
Are you looking for a way to play solo instead? While 76% of men in a survey said they watch pornography, women, instead, were more likely to read erotic fiction (53%). Only 36% of women surveyed said they watch pornography. So if it doesn’t do the trick for you, you’re not alone. Why not explore the world of erotic literature? Many libraries have digital eBook options, so leaving the house for your next read is unnecessary.
There are also audio porn companies created specifically to cater to women’s fantasies, such as Quinn.
Regulate body temperature during steamy moments
Now, hot flashes might get you heated up the wrong way, but with a few tricks up your sleeve, like having a fan in your room, hydrating or even incorporating ice cubes, you can balance the heat dial.
Don't let the perceived 'difficulty' in achieving an orgasm post-menopause discourage you. Instead, use it as an incentive to discover new thresholds of pleasure. After all, a drop in sexual desire or difficulty reaching climax isn't entirely due to menopausal transition but rather a combination of factors such as other physical symptoms or emotional changes.
Are you suffering from vaginal tightness or pain? Regular sex, including solo explorations, can be a great help. But remember, sex doesn’t have to involve penetration. Feel free to skip it entirely and try something that doesn’t cause discomfort, such as oral sex or mutual masturbation.
Some positions might be more comfortable if you’re experiencing pain, including:
- missionary
- grinding instead of deep thrusting
- you on top
- penetration while spooning
Kegel exercises you can do right now
The following exercises are courtesy of the Royal Women’s Hospital.
Exercise 1 (long hold for strength)
Step 1: Sit, stand tall, lie on your back or kneel on your hands and knees.
Step 2: Imagine what muscles you would tighten to stop yourself from passing wind or to ‘hold on’ from passing urine. If you can’t feel a distinct tightening of these muscles, ask for help from a women’s health physiotherapist who can help you get started.
Step 3: Now that you can feel your pelvic floor muscles working, tighten them around your front passage, vagina and back passage as strongly as possible and hold for three to five seconds. By doing this, you should feel your pelvic floor muscles ‘lift up’ inside you and feel a definite ‘let go’ as the muscles relax. If you can hold longer, then do so.
Remember, the squeeze must stay strong, and you should feel a definite ‘let go’. Repeat up to ten times or until you feel your pelvic floor muscles fatigue.
Rest for a few seconds in between each squeeze.
Steps one to three count as one exercise set. Do three sets per day in different positions.
Exercise 2 (quick squeeze for power)
Squeeze and lift your pelvic floor muscles as strongly and quickly as possible. Do not try to hold on to the contraction; just squeeze and let go. Rest for a few seconds in between each squeeze. Repeat this 10 to 20 times or until you feel your pelvic floor muscles fatigue.
Do this exercise three times a day.
Remember, good sex isn’t just for the youngsters, and menopause doesn’t mean closing the doors on your sexual desires. Keep the communication lines open with your partner, experiment, and, most importantly, enjoy the ride.
Just as maintaining overall health to age gracefully is vital, preserving the vibrancy in your sexual health during menopause and beyond is crucial too. Ensure safety with new partners and regular sexual health check-ups.
Not everything might go as planned, and if the strategies above don’t provide the desired results or you’re still experiencing pain during sex, reach out to a healthcare professional or a sex therapist.
Now, let’s stride ahead with confidence into a vibrant new stage of sexuality.
.png){kind=icon}
%
