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Pub Session
There was the case of the man, who had a long session with his mates in the pub. On his way home he bought a half bottle of Scotch from the late night off-licence and stuffed it into his hip pocket.
Arriving home, he carefully unlocked the front door, slipped off his shoes, and crept up the stairs, but halfway up he fell over backwards all the way back down. The bottle broke and cut his backside to ribbons.
Only one thing to do now: he crept in to the bathroom and took some plasters out of the cabinet then, looking carefully in the mirror, he applied them to his sore a**e before collapsing on the sofa in the sitting room.
In the morning his wife said, "You were drunk again last night!"
"No, I wasn't. I was just tired after a long day of hard work."
"Yes, you were, because the sofa has blood stains, the stair carpet smells of whiskey, and there are sticking plasters all over the bathroom cabinet!"
