[Skipton]

PHILOSOPHICAL OBSERVATIONS​

My girlfriend says I'm cheap, so I took her out for tea and biscuits. It was quite exciting as she had never given blood before.

Non-alcoholic beer is like watching porn on the radio

My wife wants me to wear a bracelet that belonged to her grandfather. It says "Do Not Resuscitate."

It's been months since I bought the book, How To Scam People On Line. It still hasn't arrived yet.

When someone recommends a book to me and says, "It's a page turner!" I say, "Yeah, I know how books work."

If you have a red wine stain on your carpet, get some white wine and drink it until you don't care anymore.

Vitamins are good for what ails you and Viagra is good for what fails you.

One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.

If your outgoings exceeds your income, then your upkeep will be your downfall.

I think racism is bad and you should treat all races the same whether Brown, Black, Asian, Latino or normal.

Even rarer than a doctor who can't stand the sight of blood is a lawyer who can't stand the sight of money.

If your palm itches, you are going to get something. If your crotch itches, you've already got it.

 

[Ivory]

I took them all seriously until I got to the point of a lawyer that can’t stand the sight of money. That is pure, unadulterated nonsense and fantasy.

 

[Nevertiki]

I’m with you, Ivory! I was just chortling as I read the list. Until I got to the online scam book. Then I laughed so hard I fell off my computer chair.

 

[UNIT1000]

I took them all seriously until I got to the point of a lawyer that can’t stand the sight of money. That is pure, unadulterated nonsense and fantasy.

I agree thay scrue you and not wih a scrwdriver

 

[Dennis]

Dennis R's Morning Pun. Knock - Knock Who's there? Irish. Irish Who? Irish I had a million dollars.

 

[Littleboy8]

Loved them all we need more of these funnies keep ‘em coming skipton

 

[Reet]

Good one Skipton!

 

[Reet]

A man takes his dalmatian to the Vet. "He's been behaving funny lately and his nose isn't wet anymore"
The vet picked the dog up and looked at its nose. ""I'm going to have to put him down" the vet said.
"Why, just because his nose is dry? asked the man in disbelief.
"No, because he's too **** heavy!"

 

[Littleboy8]

A man takes his dalmatian to the Vet. "He's been behaving funny lately and his nose isn't wet anymore"
The vet picked the dog up and looked at its nose. ""I'm going to have to put him down" the vet said.
"Why, just because his nose is dry? asked the man in disbelief.
"No, because he's too **** heavy!"

Sounds like my fat cat

 

[UNIT1000]

Dennis R's Morning Pun. Knock - Knock Who's there? Irish. Irish Who? Irish I had a million dollars.

me two icould somegood for the pensurs

 

[Dennis]

A man takes his dalmatian to the Vet. "He's been behaving funny lately and his nose isn't wet anymore"
The vet picked the dog up and looked at its nose. ""I'm going to have to put him down" the vet said.
"Why, just because his nose is dry? asked the man in disbelief.
"No, because he's too **** heavy!"

Nice to see someone else contributing.

 

[havingadoggyday]

Love ot

 

[UruauP]

Beauty.