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Persimmons
Linda, the local Church Organist, was very generously endowed - and with unusually prominent nipples.
Her weekly appearances had, unfortunately, been distracting the congregation considerably.
The very proper church ladies were appalled.
They resolved that something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.
So, one of the ladies approached Linda very discreetly about the problem.
She told her to mash up some astringent green persimmons and rub them over her breasts, which would cause them to shrink in size.
She also warned Linda not to taste these green persimmons because they were so sour that they would cause her mouth to pucker up and she wouldn't be able to talk properly for a while.
The voluptuous organist reluctantly agreed to try it.
The following Sunday morning, the minister walked up to the pulpit and said,
"Dew to thurcumthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday."
