One Liners
- My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffered from mental illness.
- I said, "No, we all seem to enjoy it."
- I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink. Turns out it was the refrigerator.
- I thought growing old would take longer.
- My bucket list: keep breathing.
- Camping: where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.
- Just once, I want a username & password prompt to say: "close enough."
- Being an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done.
- I'm a multi-tasker. I can listen, ignore, & forget all at the same time!
- At my funeral, take the bouquet from my coffin & toss it into the crowd to see who is next!!
- Retirement to do list: Wake up. Nailed it!
- Went to an antique show-people were bidding on me.
- People who wonder if the glass is half empty or half full miss the point. The glass is refillable.
- Retired - Under new management. See spouse for details.
- When you can't find the sunshine ... be the sunshine.
- I don't have grey hair. I have wisdom highlights.
- Sometimes it takes me all day to get nothing done.
- I don't fall - I do random gravity checks.
- My heart says "chocolate & wine" but my jeans say, "please, eat a salad!"
- Never laugh at your spouse's choices. You're one of them.
- One minute you're young & fun. The next, you're turning down the car stereo to see better.
- I'd grow my own food if I could find bacon seeds.
- Losing weight isn't working for me, so from now I'm concentrating on getting taller.
- Some people are like clouds - once they disappear it's a beautiful day.
- Some people you're glad to see coming, some you're glad to see leaving.
- My body is a temple - ancient & crumbling.
- Common sense is not a gift. It's a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn't have it.
- I came. I saw. I forgot. Retraced my steps. Got lost on the way back. Now I have no idea what's going on.