[Athena E.]

'My wife is the worst backseat driver... am I wrong to refuse to drive with her?'​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/fossilsharkteeth:

Am I being unreasonable for refusing to drive if my wife is in the car?

'For years, after we got married, I could never figure out why I would be so angry and moody anytime my wife and I went somewhere. Then it finally clicked. I was only in a bad mood if I drove with my wife. My wife is the absolute worst backseat driver I have ever seen. Doesn't matter how I drive, she still finds things to complain about.'

'"Why did you go this way? If you had gone that way, we would have been there by now!"
"You're driving too fast!"
"You're driving too slow!"
"You could have made that light! That light was red, and you blew through it!"
"Can you brake any harder, i****!?"
"There were 17 great parking spots, and you had to choose parking spot 18, which is the absolute worst!"
"You turned your blinker on too late!"
"You turned your blinker on too early!"
"Why are you accelerating so slowly?"
"Whoa! Was it necessary to accelerate that quickly? Etc..."'

'So for the past couple of years, I have refused to drive. I now make her do all the driving. And lo and behold, I'm no longer a grumpy person when we travel.'

'She has now gotten upset that she is always driving and told me I needed to at least split driving 50/50 with her. I told her if she could keep her opinions to herself while I was driving, then I would. She agreed.'

'So last weekend I started driving. She couldn't even last 3 minutes without criticising my driving. I pulled over and told her, "I'm done." Either she takes over driving or we're going home. She eventually took the wheel. She muttered that I drive like a m**** even though there's only one of us who has any tickets and has at-fault accidents on their record, and it's not me.'

'So is it unreasonable to refuse to drive if she's present?'

 

[Jen61]

Tough question. Maybe he could wear noise cancelling headphones.

 

[Witty]

No, let her keep driving unless she can keep quiet. If you do drive, let her know before you leave that if she makes any negative comments you will stop and let her takeover. Or just turn around and go home.

 

[stepcar]

Well, I refuse to drive if my husband is in the car.
He is a back seat driver sitting in the passenger front.
Yes, I know most men are perfect drivers and women drivers, well…
So, could some please tell me why do women drivers tend to get cheaper car insurance premiums and the experts tell us women tend to have less accidents than male drivers?

 

[gamiry]

No, let her keep driving unless she can keep quiet. If you do drive, let her know before you leave that if she makes any negative comments you will stop and let her takeover. Or just turn around and go home.

so right. When a group of us took young offenders on a trip out for the day that they'd earned, if they wouldn't shut up they got one warning then we immediately turned around and we went back to where we came from. NO CHANGED MINDS

 

[HelenB55]

If she always nags you about your driving then let her keep on doing all the driving.

If she asks you to drive then maybe get the Duct Tape out…..

 

[JKD]

To have somebody constantly nagging would be so disturbing and a recipe for disaster. How on earth can you concentrate with that going one. Either she drives all the time or else don't do out with her. End of story.

 

[MariaG]

Back in the day, before hubby took ill, he used to do the majority of the driving. He was a good driver but abrupt. I used to spend most of the journey holding on to the Jesus Christ handle above the window. The only time I said anything was when he didn't use the blinker. It was like it would wear out if he used it too much.
When his health deteriorated, I took over. He accused me of being too careful. I am a cautious driver, follow road rules and plan my turns. If I know I am turning a corner I will get into the correct lane in anticipation. He used to hate it when I did that.
I remember once, he threatened to get out of the car when I reminded him to use the blinker. I said ok, see you later. I got into the driver's sear, locked the doors and took off. I went around the block and told the cranky bum to get in. He was very sheepish.
I ended up doing all the driving for the last 3 years of his life. He was a back seat driver, but I just let it slide.
I might add, I have never had an at fault accident or was booked for being naughty.
My darling road warrior managed to run into 2 garage doors and suffered a few red light fines.
In the end, it is better to find a middle ground, or catch a bus.

 

[saundy]

Well done

 

[novezar]

Yes, if you're driving, at the 1st comment, stop & get out.
Just make sure that you have the keys.
Then let what or whoever take over.

 

[Veggiepatch]

The times you need a passenger ejector seat....

 

[Luckyus]

My wife couldn't drive but was a back seat driver? and she would bloody listen, so one miles from and she didn't where she was. I pulled over to the side switched off gave her the keys got out and started walking in a different direction, any way I got to the cafe and ordered two coffees to go and of walked to the motor. When we got home she called all the dirty rotten barstard arseholes under the SUN, the next time we went anywhere she put a bag behind the and asked what it was and I told her it was my go bag. She burst out laughing and just called me an arsehole.

 

[Charlotte59]

She sounds like Hyacinth off "Keeping up Appearances", anyway, i'm a female driver, hate being the passenger, however, i never judge the driver. I have, however, had a male passenger that has criticised my driving repeatedly, mind you, he's the only one that ever did, and his licence was suspended due to his road rage incident that wrote off his vehicle and the one that he slammed into in his rage. I got to a point whereby i would ask him how fast he could walk, when he asked why, i told him he could shut up or get out and walk to where he wanted to go or walk home. Might i add, this blokes son, who didn't have a licence, also told him to shut up, and that i drove better than him

 

[novezar]

My wife couldn't drive but was a back seat driver? and she would bloody listen, so one miles from and she didn't where she was. I pulled over to the side switched off gave her the keys got out and started walking in a different direction, any way I got to the cafe and ordered two coffees to go and of walked to the motor. When we got home she called all the dirty rotten barstard arseholes under the SUN, the next time we went anywhere she put a bag behind the and asked what it was and I told her it was my go bag. She burst out laughing and just called me an arsehole.

Hi Luckyus,
Just by chance, are you still a very happily married man enjoying a very passionate relationship with her? Ha Ha Ha!
By your comments etc., I don't think so.
Enjoy, champ.

 

[novezar]

She sounds like Hyacinth off "Keeping up Appearances", anyway, i'm a female driver, hate being the passenger, however, i never judge the driver. I have, however, had a male passenger that has criticised my driving repeatedly, mind you, he's the only one that ever did, and his licence was suspended due to his road rage incident that wrote off his vehicle and the one that he slammed into in his rage. I got to a point whereby i would ask him how fast he could walk, when he asked why, i told him he could shut up or get out and walk to where he wanted to go or walk home. Might i add, this blokes son, who didn't have a licence, also told him to shut up, and that i drove better than him

Hi Charlotte59,
Yes, no doubt many of us dud male drivers have 'Hyacinth' sitting beside us whilst driving.
I just can't figure how I've survived driving for 32 years before we married, now well into our 32nd yr. There's only one problem, I'm deaf in one ear, & it's the wrong ear, i.e. only while I'm driving.
When we have to drive to Sydney from home, 360 k's, when the bride has her turn to drive, I go to sleep.
The bride certainly lets me know when she want me to take over to finish the trip.
The blissful sleep only lasts for about 70-80k's.
Don't worry, we love each other dearly. Makes up for my driving "Discrepancies".
We do have a very "Warm" home which is great.
The both of us are in a "Good Place" in life.

 

[novezar]

Re my posting, to remind others, we're in our 2nd marriages which I forgot to include.
My 1st for 18 yrs, the brides 1st for 23 yrs. My bride was divorced & remarried in the same year.
Not much freedom for her.

 

[Luckyus]

Hi Luckyus,
Just by chance, are you still a very happily married man enjoying a very passionate relationship with her? Ha Ha Ha!
By your comments etc., I don't think so.
Enjoy, champ.

I just noticed you comment and yes we are, plus she can now drive herself very well.

 

[Littleboy8]

If she always nags you about your driving then let her keep on doing all the driving.

If she asks you to drive then maybe get the Duct Tape out…..