[Athena E.]

'My fiancée refuses to sign a prenup, now I'm thinking of cancelling the wedding.'​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/raspberi1:

Am I being unreasonable for considering calling off my wedding because my fiancée refuses to sign a prenup after I found out she has a massive cedit card debt?

'I am just a middle-aged man supposed to be getting married in a few months to my fiancée. We've been together for three years, engaged for one, and for most of that time, I genuinely believed we were on the same page about life values and, most importantly, honesty.'

'For background: I’ve worked hard to build a stable financial foundation. I’m not wealthy, but I own my home outright, have no personal debt, and I’ve been saving and investing since my early twenties. It’s been a priority for me, especially since my parents went through a nasty divorce that ruined both of them financially.'

'About a month ago, while we were discussing wedding costs, I brought up a prenup. Not in a cold or controlling way, I just wanted to protect the life I’ve worked hard to build. I was upfront that I’d still be fair and the agreement wouldn’t leave her with nothing. I expected an adult conversation. Instead, she immediately got defensive. She said things like, "So you’re already planning for a divorce?" and "I thought we trusted each other."

'I tried to explain it wasn’t about trust, it was about transparency and mutual protection. But she shut it down completely. That’s when red flags started popping up. She became evasive every time money came up, and I started noticing weird things, credit card offers in the mail, a few missed payments on shared expenses she said she'd cover, and lots of "I'll handle it later" energy.'

'So, I asked directly if she had debt. She admitted it. $92,000 in credit card debt. Not student loans. Not a mortgage. Credit cards. She said it accumulated over the years from unexpected expenses and a few dumb splurges, but she never told me about any of it until I forced the issue.'

'I was stunned. We’re about to merge lives. This woman was about to legally become my spouse, and she didn’t think I deserved to know she was six figures in the red? I told her this made the prenup non-negotiable for me. I need to protect myself not just emotionally, but financially. I told her I was willing to still move forward, but not without something in writing that protects my premarital assets. '

'She lost it. Called me selfish. Said I was turning love into a business deal. Said my house and money should be hers too if we’re truly a team. Since then, she’s refused to talk about the prenup again, and we’re barely speaking. Even her mother called me and accused me of humiliating her daughter and being materialistic. All I want is not to be liable for debt I didn’t create and to make sure the life I built before this relationship is protected.'

'So now I’m seriously reconsidering the whole wedding. Not because she has debt, but because she hid it, then refused to take responsibility, and now is treating me like the bad guy for trying to protect myself. I'm almost certain that she could pay her debts since she is a partner in her friend's business, but she just refuses to. Am I unreasonable for thinking about walking away?'

 

[ARL]

If she hasn't paid for things she said she would, and now you find out she has massive debt, RUN.

If she wants to share your assets she almost certainly wants to share her debt. What is wrong with the business if she cannot pay off the debt? That business may also have debts, and depending on legal structure of the business, private assets may be used to pay off business debts.

 

[Nicnat]

Cut your loses now.

 

[Ian D]

Red flag to me is the dishonesty of the debt and then wanting to carry it into the marriage where all is deemed to be then become legally shared. Then burring up about the agreement when put to her is the next red flag. I would be very careful my man, because a woman can very easily take over in a situation like this especially when they start crying out about Domestic Violence whether it is true or not, then they have you over a barrel. Trust me I have been there. I am not going to tell you to run or anything, Love is a funny thing, BUT be careful.

 

[mylittletibbies]

A pre-nup is a MUST in this day and age... no pre-nup, no wedding ..the women of today are only after the money......

Not just the woman mate, take it from one woman who knows

 

[IAN3005]

Rather harsh,if not misogynistic some men also do this.

Good, makes a change for once..... happy to be seen as a misogynist......

 

[ARL]

Good, makes a change for once..... happy to be seen as a misogynist......

Wondering if you know what it means? Must make for a lonely life.

 

[IAN3005]

Wondering if you know what it means? Must make for a lonely life.

By no means....sheer bliss.. do what you want, whenever you want, without the constant nitpicking. I'm as happy as Larry......