[Sean Camara]

Mum shares internal conflict on whether she should tell her dying friend about her husband’s affair that she witnessed firsthand​

When Jane was diagnosed with cancer, the mothers in her child's class were all devastated. The cancer diagnosis threw a wrench into the close-knit, predictable world of primary school for everyone. The women who knew Jane best murmured to each other while the rest of the class cast sympathetic smiles.

Jane was only in her 30s, but she was extraordinarily brave. When she reappeared at the school gate in between bouts of chemo, looking slightly older and thinner, one mother tried to find things to say that sounded neither trite nor too solemn.

Little did she know she would soon find out something so devastating that it would make Jane's heartbreaking situation even worse.

The mother had only met Jane's husband John a few times, but she recognised him immediately in the garden centre cafe. He was fixated on the mother of a child in another class at their school. This woman was a recent divorcee with shiny blonde hair who they’d all believed had run off with her yoga teacher.

At first, the mother tried to convince herself she'd been mistaken. Surely John needed support. But then she saw them again - in a clinch among the climbing roses. There was no mistaking what was going on now.

The mother was frozen in shock and dismay. She didn't know what to do. Should she call out? Should she confront them? But she was scared. She dumped her basket and rushed back to her car.

A mum claimed that she witnessed how her dying friend’s husband cheated on her. Credit: Getty Images.​

She did her best to avoid Jane at school for the next few weeks. She was waiting for the news to break, as surely she couldn’t be the only one who knew what was going on?

Meanwhile, she lay awake at night worrying about whether she should say anything - to Jane, her husband, or the other woman.

Bumping into one of Jane's friends at the school’s spring fair, the mother asked, quaveringly, how Jane was. The friend told her Jane was back in the hospital. The mother shook her head in response to her mother's questioning look - she couldn't bring herself to tell her what she'd seen.

The friend was eager to tell the mother how marvellous John had been and how Jane couldn’t have picked a better husband. The mother tried to stop her feelings from showing on her face.

She tried to persuade herself she’d been mistaken after that - or it had been a one-off thing, a mad moment. But her hopes were proved wrong when she saw the pair of them again a week or two later.

This time, she was out with her parents and son at a National Trust garden. John and the Other Woman were there too, holding hands and kissing.

The mother was horrified. She was torn about what to do. On the one hand, she wanted to protect Jane. On the other hand, she felt like John deserved to be punished.

Sadly, her dilemma didn’t last long. Jane’s cancer advanced more rapidly than anyone expected and, a few months later, she has passed away.

Jane died without knowing about her husband’s affair with another mum from the school where her kids go to. Credit: Getty Images.​

At the school gate, everyone was frozen with shock. People touched John’s arm, and told him they knew what a fantastic support he’d been to his wife. The mother kept silent but was plagued by the idea that Jane had found out about the affair - and it had made her last weeks even more intolerable.

When John began appearing in public with the Other Woman a couple of months after Jane died, a few people made comments. But most were happy for him. They felt he deserved some happiness, and even said it was what Jane would have wanted.

The mother felt strangely embarrassed - as though it was somehow her fault that things were more complicated than anyone realised.

She was glad she wasn't often at the school gate. But she played things through in her head over and over again.

What if Jane had recovered and John had left her - could the mother have stopped that by intervening? What if Jane had recovered and John hadn't left her - would it have been better that she never knew?

The mother will never know the answer to those questions, but she still thinks about them even after several years have passed.

But she still thinks about the couple, confessing that she had flashbacks of the things she has seen.

What are your thoughts on this? Should the mother had told Jane about the affair? Or did she do the right thing keeping what she had seen, quiet?

 

[Dennis]

She must be as thick as a brick, what did she gain out of it,

 

[Janmarshall]

No No No how could you do this to your friend please let her die peacefully

 

[Baz1960]

Another perspective. The dying woman may have given her blessing for the husband to "move on". It happens.

 

[terri]

There is no changing things as they stand now. Stop agonising about what ifs. Just move on with your life as the husband obviously has. It is not your problem to hold or solve now. For you not to have seen your friend for weeks, it seems you were not a close friend, so leave it be now.

 

[Julessleeman]

Absolutely NOT! As if dying isn’t enough pain to bear. If she MUST approach anyone, and it’s not her business, talk to the husband about her thoughts. Otherwise get over it. Doesn’t sound like they were close friends anyway if she has to ask others about how Jane was.

 

[Mozzy]

Definitely not. What is it going to achieve? Just more heartache.

 

[BILL KIRK]

No let her die in peace

 

[Pauline 1949]

Mum shares internal conflict on whether she should tell her dying friend about her husband’s affair that she witnessed firsthand​

When Jane was diagnosed with cancer, the mothers in her child's class were all devastated. The cancer diagnosis threw a wrench into the close-knit, predictable world of primary school for everyone. The women who knew Jane best murmured to each other while the rest of the class cast sympathetic smiles.

Jane was only in her 30s, but she was extraordinarily brave. When she reappeared at the school gate in between bouts of chemo, looking slightly older and thinner, one mother tried to find things to say that sounded neither trite nor too solemn.

Little did she know she would soon find out something so devastating that it would make Jane's heartbreaking situation even worse.

The mother had only met Jane's husband John a few times, but she recognised him immediately in the garden centre cafe. He was fixated on the mother of a child in another class at their school. This woman was a recent divorcee with shiny blonde hair who they’d all believed had run off with her yoga teacher.

At first, the mother tried to convince herself she'd been mistaken. Surely John needed support. But then she saw them again - in a clinch among the climbing roses. There was no mistaking what was going on now.

The mother was frozen in shock and dismay. She didn't know what to do. Should she call out? Should she confront them? But she was scared. She dumped her basket and rushed back to her car.

A mum claimed that she witnessed how her dying friend’s husband cheated on her. Credit: Getty Images.​

She did her best to avoid Jane at school for the next few weeks. She was waiting for the news to break, as surely she couldn’t be the only one who knew what was going on?

Meanwhile, she lay awake at night worrying about whether she should say anything - to Jane, her husband, or the other woman.

Bumping into one of Jane's friends at the school’s spring fair, the mother asked, quaveringly, how Jane was. The friend told her Jane was back in the hospital. The mother shook her head in response to her mother's questioning look - she couldn't bring herself to tell her what she'd seen.

The friend was eager to tell the mother how marvellous John had been and how Jane couldn’t have picked a better husband. The mother tried to stop her feelings from showing on her face.

She tried to persuade herself she’d been mistaken after that - or it had been a one-off thing, a mad moment. But her hopes were proved wrong when she saw the pair of them again a week or two later.

This time, she was out with her parents and son at a National Trust garden. John and the Other Woman were there too, holding hands and kissing.

The mother was horrified. She was torn about what to do. On the one hand, she wanted to protect Jane. On the other hand, she felt like John deserved to be punished.

Sadly, her dilemma didn’t last long. Jane’s cancer advanced more rapidly than anyone expected and, a few months later, she has passed away.

Jane died without knowing about her husband’s affair with another mum from the school where her kids go to. Credit: Getty Images.​

At the school gate, everyone was frozen with shock. People touched John’s arm, and told him they knew what a fantastic support he’d been to his wife. The mother kept silent but was plagued by the idea that Jane had found out about the affair - and it had made her last weeks even more intolerable.

When John began appearing in public with the Other Woman a couple of months after Jane died, a few people made comments. But most were happy for him. They felt he deserved some happiness, and even said it was what Jane would have wanted.

The mother felt strangely embarrassed - as though it was somehow her fault that things were more complicated than anyone realised.

She was glad she wasn't often at the school gate. But she played things through in her head over and over again.

What if Jane had recovered and John had left her - could the mother have stopped that by intervening? What if Jane had recovered and John hadn't left her - would it have been better that she never knew?

The mother will never know the answer to those questions, but she still thinks about them even after several years have passed.

But she still thinks about the couple, confessing that she had flashbacks of the things she has seen.

What are your thoughts on this? Should the mother had told Jane about the affair? Or did she do the right thing keeping what she had seen, quiet?

 

[Pauline 1949]

Why would she even consider lying Jane. Confront him. Maybe he had Jane’s blessing as she was passing, that could have been embarrassing.

 

[61alliznalpnuosevolI]

That was just cruel.

 

[Old Lady]

My Mum was dying of Cancer and a lady(if I can call her that) came to the house and she was someone that my Dad knew. After meeting her for a few weeks at the house I had to voice my feelings to both of them.."I told them to stop hurting my Mother" time went on and Mum went into care Dad even took her to see Mum..not only that she moved into the house before my Mum was even dead..Mum did not know this even though she questioned me about her..I never told my Mum I just said she is a friend. But I know Mum knew by "gut feeling" and I know how upset she was. To finish she was at the house when everyone went back there after the funeral I won't repeat what everyone said to me..and it is something I will never forgive him for even though he is not alive now.

 

[lozat54]

Mum shares internal conflict on whether she should tell her dying friend about her husband’s affair that she witnessed firsthand​

When Jane was diagnosed with cancer, the mothers in her child's class were all devastated. The cancer diagnosis threw a wrench into the close-knit, predictable world of primary school for everyone. The women who knew Jane best murmured to each other while the rest of the class cast sympathetic smiles.

Jane was only in her 30s, but she was extraordinarily brave. When she reappeared at the school gate in between bouts of chemo, looking slightly older and thinner, one mother tried to find things to say that sounded neither trite nor too solemn.

Little did she know she would soon find out something so devastating that it would make Jane's heartbreaking situation even worse.

The mother had only met Jane's husband John a few times, but she recognised him immediately in the garden centre cafe. He was fixated on the mother of a child in another class at their school. This woman was a recent divorcee with shiny blonde hair who they’d all believed had run off with her yoga teacher.

At first, the mother tried to convince herself she'd been mistaken. Surely John needed support. But then she saw them again - in a clinch among the climbing roses. There was no mistaking what was going on now.

The mother was frozen in shock and dismay. She didn't know what to do. Should she call out? Should she confront them? But she was scared. She dumped her basket and rushed back to her car.

A mum claimed that she witnessed how her dying friend’s husband cheated on her. Credit: Getty Images.​

She did her best to avoid Jane at school for the next few weeks. She was waiting for the news to break, as surely she couldn’t be the only one who knew what was going on?

Meanwhile, she lay awake at night worrying about whether she should say anything - to Jane, her husband, or the other woman.

Bumping into one of Jane's friends at the school’s spring fair, the mother asked, quaveringly, how Jane was. The friend told her Jane was back in the hospital. The mother shook her head in response to her mother's questioning look - she couldn't bring herself to tell her what she'd seen.

The friend was eager to tell the mother how marvellous John had been and how Jane couldn’t have picked a better husband. The mother tried to stop her feelings from showing on her face.

She tried to persuade herself she’d been mistaken after that - or it had been a one-off thing, a mad moment. But her hopes were proved wrong when she saw the pair of them again a week or two later.

This time, she was out with her parents and son at a National Trust garden. John and the Other Woman were there too, holding hands and kissing.

The mother was horrified. She was torn about what to do. On the one hand, she wanted to protect Jane. On the other hand, she felt like John deserved to be punished.

Sadly, her dilemma didn’t last long. Jane’s cancer advanced more rapidly than anyone expected and, a few months later, she has passed away.

Jane died without knowing about her husband’s affair with another mum from the school where her kids go to. Credit: Getty Images.​

At the school gate, everyone was frozen with shock. People touched John’s arm, and told him they knew what a fantastic support he’d been to his wife. The mother kept silent but was plagued by the idea that Jane had found out about the affair - and it had made her last weeks even more intolerable.

When John began appearing in public with the Other Woman a couple of months after Jane died, a few people made comments. But most were happy for him. They felt he deserved some happiness, and even said it was what Jane would have wanted.

The mother felt strangely embarrassed - as though it was somehow her fault that things were more complicated than anyone realised.

She was glad she wasn't often at the school gate. But she played things through in her head over and over again.

What if Jane had recovered and John had left her - could the mother have stopped that by intervening? What if Jane had recovered and John hadn't left her - would it have been better that she never knew?

The mother will never know the answer to those questions, but she still thinks about them even after several years have passed.

But she still thinks about the couple, confessing that she had flashbacks of the things she has seen.

What are your thoughts on this? Should the mother had told Jane about the affair? Or did she do the right thing keeping what she had seen, quiet?

No she should NOT have told Jane about the affair…..not her business!!

 

[Alexander]

No she should NOT have told Jane about the affair…..not her business!!

Exactly right. It is none of her business. Mind yer own tongue. If thewre is a problem with that then the problem is hers. Just SHUT UP and keep out of other peoples way.

 

[barbwire]

Please

That was just cruel.

re-read the article…. She Didn’t Tell Jane !! She’s just torn over the thought of wondering if that was the right choice.

No she should NOT have told Jane about the affair…..not her business!!

 

[Sylvia Taylor]

Mum shares internal conflict on whether she should tell her dying friend about her husband’s affair that she witnessed firsthand​

When Jane was diagnosed with cancer, the mothers in her child's class were all devastated. The cancer diagnosis threw a wrench into the close-knit, predictable world of primary school for everyone. The women who knew Jane best murmured to each other while the rest of the class cast sympathetic smiles.

Jane was only in her 30s, but she was extraordinarily brave. When she reappeared at the school gate in between bouts of chemo, looking slightly older and thinner, one mother tried to find things to say that sounded neither trite nor too solemn.

Little did she know she would soon find out something so devastating that it would make Jane's heartbreaking situation even worse.

The mother had only met Jane's husband John a few times, but she recognised him immediately in the garden centre cafe. He was fixated on the mother of a child in another class at their school. This woman was a recent divorcee with shiny blonde hair who they’d all believed had run off with her yoga teacher.

At first, the mother tried to convince herself she'd been mistaken. Surely John needed support. But then she saw them again - in a clinch among the climbing roses. There was no mistaking what was going on now.

The mother was frozen in shock and dismay. She didn't know what to do. Should she call out? Should she confront them? But she was scared. She dumped her basket and rushed back to her car.

A mum claimed that she witnessed how her dying friend’s husband cheated on her. Credit: Getty Images.​

She did her best to avoid Jane at school for the next few weeks. She was waiting for the news to break, as surely she couldn’t be the only one who knew what was going on?

Meanwhile, she lay awake at night worrying about whether she should say anything - to Jane, her husband, or the other woman.

Bumping into one of Jane's friends at the school’s spring fair, the mother asked, quaveringly, how Jane was. The friend told her Jane was back in the hospital. The mother shook her head in response to her mother's questioning look - she couldn't bring herself to tell her what she'd seen.

The friend was eager to tell the mother how marvellous John had been and how Jane couldn’t have picked a better husband. The mother tried to stop her feelings from showing on her face.

She tried to persuade herself she’d been mistaken after that - or it had been a one-off thing, a mad moment. But her hopes were proved wrong when she saw the pair of them again a week or two later.

This time, she was out with her parents and son at a National Trust garden. John and the Other Woman were there too, holding hands and kissing.

The mother was horrified. She was torn about what to do. On the one hand, she wanted to protect Jane. On the other hand, she felt like John deserved to be punished.

Sadly, her dilemma didn’t last long. Jane’s cancer advanced more rapidly than anyone expected and, a few months later, she has passed away.

Jane died without knowing about her husband’s affair with another mum from the school where her kids go to. Credit: Getty Images.​

At the school gate, everyone was frozen with shock. People touched John’s arm, and told him they knew what a fantastic support he’d been to his wife. The mother kept silent but was plagued by the idea that Jane had found out about the affair - and it had made her last weeks even more intolerable.

When John began appearing in public with the Other Woman a couple of months after Jane died, a few people made comments. But most were happy for him. They felt he deserved some happiness, and even said it was what Jane would have wanted.

The mother felt strangely embarrassed - as though it was somehow her fault that things were more complicated than anyone realised.

She was glad she wasn't often at the school gate. But she played things through in her head over and over again.

What if Jane had recovered and John had left her - could the mother have stopped that by intervening? What if Jane had recovered and John hadn't left her - would it have been better that she never knew?

The mother will never know the answer to those questions, but she still thinks about them even after several years have passed.

But she still thinks about the couple, confessing that she had flashbacks of the things she has seen.

What are your thoughts on this? Should the mother had told Jane about the affair? Or did she do the right thing keeping what she had seen, quiet?

 

[veronicasaunders@bigpond.]

Mum shares internal conflict on whether she should tell her dying friend about her husband’s affair that she witnessed firsthand​

When Jane was diagnosed with cancer, the mothers in her child's class were all devastated. The cancer diagnosis threw a wrench into the close-knit, predictable world of primary school for everyone. The women who knew Jane best murmured to each other while the rest of the class cast sympathetic smiles.

Jane was only in her 30s, but she was extraordinarily brave. When she reappeared at the school gate in between bouts of chemo, looking slightly older and thinner, one mother tried to find things to say that sounded neither trite nor too solemn.

Little did she know she would soon find out something so devastating that it would make Jane's heartbreaking situation even worse.

The mother had only met Jane's husband John a few times, but she recognised him immediately in the garden centre cafe. He was fixated on the mother of a child in another class at their school. This woman was a recent divorcee with shiny blonde hair who they’d all believed had run off with her yoga teacher.

At first, the mother tried to convince herself she'd been mistaken. Surely John needed support. But then she saw them again - in a clinch among the climbing roses. There was no mistaking what was going on now.

The mother was frozen in shock and dismay. She didn't know what to do. Should she call out? Should she confront them? But she was scared. She dumped her basket and rushed back to her car.

A mum claimed that she witnessed how her dying friend’s husband cheated on her. Credit: Getty Images.​

She did her best to avoid Jane at school for the next few weeks. She was waiting for the news to break, as surely she couldn’t be the only one who knew what was going on?

Meanwhile, she lay awake at night worrying about whether she should say anything - to Jane, her husband, or the other woman.

Bumping into one of Jane's friends at the school’s spring fair, the mother asked, quaveringly, how Jane was. The friend told her Jane was back in the hospital. The mother shook her head in response to her mother's questioning look - she couldn't bring herself to tell her what she'd seen.

The friend was eager to tell the mother how marvellous John had been and how Jane couldn’t have picked a better husband. The mother tried to stop her feelings from showing on her face.

She tried to persuade herself she’d been mistaken after that - or it had been a one-off thing, a mad moment. But her hopes were proved wrong when she saw the pair of them again a week or two later.

This time, she was out with her parents and son at a National Trust garden. John and the Other Woman were there too, holding hands and kissing.

The mother was horrified. She was torn about what to do. On the one hand, she wanted to protect Jane. On the other hand, she felt like John deserved to be punished.

Sadly, her dilemma didn’t last long. Jane’s cancer advanced more rapidly than anyone expected and, a few months later, she has passed away.

Jane died without knowing about her husband’s affair with another mum from the school where her kids go to. Credit: Getty Images.​

At the school gate, everyone was frozen with shock. People touched John’s arm, and told him they knew what a fantastic support he’d been to his wife. The mother kept silent but was plagued by the idea that Jane had found out about the affair - and it had made her last weeks even more intolerable.

When John began appearing in public with the Other Woman a couple of months after Jane died, a few people made comments. But most were happy for him. They felt he deserved some happiness, and even said it was what Jane would have wanted.

The mother felt strangely embarrassed - as though it was somehow her fault that things were more complicated than anyone realised.

She was glad she wasn't often at the school gate. But she played things through in her head over and over again.

What if Jane had recovered and John had left her - could the mother have stopped that by intervening? What if Jane had recovered and John hadn't left her - would it have been better that she never knew?

The mother will never know the answer to those questions, but she still thinks about them even after several years have passed.

But she still thinks about the couple, confessing that she had flashbacks of the things she has seen.

What are your thoughts on this? Should the mother had told Jane about the affair? Or did she do the right thing keeping what she had seen, quiet?

Why do people feel they have to tell their friend 1st? A friend of mine has a husband who was having an affair! and no I did not tell her.
I fronted him and told him when and where I'd seen him and other friends had also seen him at certain restaurants and shopping centres....
When I told him he went as white as a ghost...I said he needs to tell her soon or I will. I also said if he didn't love her any more, talk to her and work something out, they have 3 children. He said he does love, but she doesn't love him, he said she hasn't been near him intimately for over 18 months and this new woman made him feel wanted again. He did tell her, they broke up for about 4 months... In that time they both went to a marriage counsellor, she also went to her Doctor who put her onto a therapist that helped them both.She did love him and said she had totally lost interest in sex, her Doctor, Marriage Counsellor and sex therapist helped them put their marriage back on the right track again.... They've been together now for 16 years and are happier than ever... They were both very lucky as they were both prepared to do everything to stay together... Front the person in the wrong! And no she should not have told her friend, she was dying for gods sake! She's not a friend, she has very little between the ears and only wanted to clear her own worry of knowing! Why didn't she front the husband or write him a letter from an an anonamous person?

 

[margie]

NO NO NO SHOULDN'T TELL HER SHE PROBERLY TOLD HIM TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO MAKE HIM HAPPY CAUSE SHE NEW SHE WAS GOINING TO DIE NO CURE FOR HER CANCER

 

[Ezzy]

Mum shares internal conflict on whether she should tell her dying friend about her husband’s affair that she witnessed firsthand​

When Jane was diagnosed with cancer, the mothers in her child's class were all devastated. The cancer diagnosis threw a wrench into the close-knit, predictable world of primary school for everyone. The women who knew Jane best murmured to each other while the rest of the class cast sympathetic smiles.

Jane was only in her 30s, but she was extraordinarily brave. When she reappeared at the school gate in between bouts of chemo, looking slightly older and thinner, one mother tried to find things to say that sounded neither trite nor too solemn.

Little did she know she would soon find out something so devastating that it would make Jane's heartbreaking situation even worse.

The mother had only met Jane's husband John a few times, but she recognised him immediately in the garden centre cafe. He was fixated on the mother of a child in another class at their school. This woman was a recent divorcee with shiny blonde hair who they’d all believed had run off with her yoga teacher.

At first, the mother tried to convince herself she'd been mistaken. Surely John needed support. But then she saw them again - in a clinch among the climbing roses. There was no mistaking what was going on now.

The mother was frozen in shock and dismay. She didn't know what to do. Should she call out? Should she confront them? But she was scared. She dumped her basket and rushed back to her car.

A mum claimed that she witnessed how her dying friend’s husband cheated on her. Credit: Getty Images.​

She did her best to avoid Jane at school for the next few weeks. She was waiting for the news to break, as surely she couldn’t be the only one who knew what was going on?

Meanwhile, she lay awake at night worrying about whether she should say anything - to Jane, her husband, or the other woman.

Bumping into one of Jane's friends at the school’s spring fair, the mother asked, quaveringly, how Jane was. The friend told her Jane was back in the hospital. The mother shook her head in response to her mother's questioning look - she couldn't bring herself to tell her what she'd seen.

The friend was eager to tell the mother how marvellous John had been and how Jane couldn’t have picked a better husband. The mother tried to stop her feelings from showing on her face.

She tried to persuade herself she’d been mistaken after that - or it had been a one-off thing, a mad moment. But her hopes were proved wrong when she saw the pair of them again a week or two later.

This time, she was out with her parents and son at a National Trust garden. John and the Other Woman were there too, holding hands and kissing.

The mother was horrified. She was torn about what to do. On the one hand, she wanted to protect Jane. On the other hand, she felt like John deserved to be punished.

Sadly, her dilemma didn’t last long. Jane’s cancer advanced more rapidly than anyone expected and, a few months later, she has passed away.

Jane died without knowing about her husband’s affair with another mum from the school where her kids go to. Credit: Getty Images.​

At the school gate, everyone was frozen with shock. People touched John’s arm, and told him they knew what a fantastic support he’d been to his wife. The mother kept silent but was plagued by the idea that Jane had found out about the affair - and it had made her last weeks even more intolerable.

When John began appearing in public with the Other Woman a couple of months after Jane died, a few people made comments. But most were happy for him. They felt he deserved some happiness, and even said it was what Jane would have wanted.

The mother felt strangely embarrassed - as though it was somehow her fault that things were more complicated than anyone realised.

She was glad she wasn't often at the school gate. But she played things through in her head over and over again.

What if Jane had recovered and John had left her - could the mother have stopped that by intervening? What if Jane had recovered and John hadn't left her - would it have been better that she never knew?

The mother will never know the answer to those questions, but she still thinks about them even after several years have passed.

But she still thinks about the couple, confessing that she had flashbacks of the things she has seen.

What are your thoughts on this? Should the mother had told Jane about the affair? Or did she do the right thing keeping what she

What if Jane had instigated this affair, knowing she would not live? Perhaps John was told to find someone else to help him through the difficult period following her (Jane's) death. If Jane was unaware of this & was told by this lady her death may have been hastened by this news. Some things are best left unsaid. It is up to John to bring things out in the open if he so wishes, perhaps?