[Danielle G.]

'Maybe you shouldn't get married': His parent discovered something, now his wedding is in jeopardy​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/MurkyCarry1925:

Am I being unreasonable for cancelling my financial support for my son’s wedding?

'My son (23) got engaged a few months ago. Recently, he admitted to me that he had been texting with a girl he met online. That alone already shocked me... he's engaged, and that's obviously not acceptable behaviour.'

'But here's the twist: the girl he was texting online was actually his fiancée. She made a fake account to “test” whether he would stay loyal - and when he flirted back, she confronted him.'

'Yes, what my son did was messed up. But creating a whole fake persona to trap your partner? That’s manipulation. If you have to run sting operations to trust your fiancé, maybe you shouldn't be getting married.'

'After learning this, I told my son I wouldn’t be paying for the wedding anymore. I don’t want to support a marriage that already starts with lies and games from both sides.'

'Some people in the family say that I’m overreacting and punishing both of them. Am I being unreasonable?'

 

[Witty]

No, don't pay for anything. By the sound of it they do not live together. Suggest to them that they go and rent somewhere and live together for a minimum of one year - preferably two and if they are still together at the end of that time, then you can have a discussion as to having a wedding. No you are not cancelling paying for their wedding, just postponing it.

 

[Janine tanner]

These two are too young to get married. They both need to grow up. Trust is one of the main ingredients of a marriage and these two clearly don’t trust each other. Maybe they should just wait a few years.

 

[darrellh]

Yes I agree, the wedding should at least be postponed. They clearly have trust issues and have not been together very long so it would be wise to wait at least a further 12 months if not longer. They definitely need to grow up, marriage is a serious step.

 

[Wendy]

Trust is very important. At our wedding the minister said "In all things trust one another" 58 years later and we are still very happily married and trust each other.
These two youngsters need to learn to trust each other.

 

[DiBoz]

No I would not be paying for the wedding. Sounds to me like they are both to young and have trust issues.
I personally would tell them live together for 12/18 months. If all well I will pay but not before.

 

[Dreams]

No I agree.

I would not pay.

They are obviously not ready for the commitment of marriage. Trust seems to have left both of them.

They should wait !!

 

[Rain72]

I wouldn't pay for the wedding. I would discourage it. But I certainly would not suggest they live together either. Commitment is as essential in a healthy relationship as trust. Living together means postponing commitment, and that's not a healthy way to start any relationship, much less as a prelude to marriage.
Tell your son to find a girl who trust him and whom he can trust and be fully committed and faithful to.

 

[Morgans Orchard]

No I would not pay for the wedding . sounds like either of them can’t be trusted . Next you will be asking should I help pay for the divorce .

 

[Suzanne rose]

No I wouldn't pay for the wedding.

The son is not ready to be married or to settle down.

Even though the finance had set a trap he thought he was talking to another woman which was very wrong.
I wonder how long they have even been together . 23 is too young

I'm actually all for a couple living together before marriage it would be easier and cheaper than a divorce.
If after a year of living together and everything is hokey dory then get married

 

[Jo Piper3]

Why did the son 'flirt' on line with an unidentified girl? Both he and his 'fiancée' sound very similar in that set the trap and he fell for it. Please don't pay for the wedding .

 

[Veggiepatch]

These two are too young to get married. They both need to grow up. Trust is one of the main ingredients of a marriage and these two clearly don’t trust each other. Maybe they should just wait a few years.

Are you married, and if so, how old were YOU?

 

[novezar]

No don't do it.
Keep your hands & cash in the deepest pockets you can find.
The impending marriage might only last a few months, if at all.
Then, who'll be out of pocket ?

 

[HelenB55]

I think that both partners are far too young to get married. Especially in today’s world of living.

What would have happened if it was your son who made the fake profile to “test” his partner? Would she have been tempted?

Maybe living together for a while might sort them both out.

Just try to get your son to postpone the wedding till their problems are solved.

I was only 21 when I got married & my now husband was a week off turning 21…..that was back in 1977, & we are still happily married. Sure… we’ve had tough times & not always seen eye-to-eye, but we stuck together & got through it all. I turn 70 this year, & would not change a thing with my life. Hard times make you stronger … as does trust. Life back then was much easier and there was not much peer pressure, but times today are completely different. People today are not as strong minded as we were… young ones today are far too sensitive…& cannot handle life’s pressures. Instead of trying to work things out, they simply walk away, which does not solve any problems.

I honestly do think that given today’s lifestyle, that he should wait before committing to marriage.

Just my opinion…….