Navigating the tricky waters of social interactions can often feel like a delicate dance, especially when it comes to the potentially awkward situation of turning down friends or family who wish to stay at your place. For those of us who have reached the golden years, our homes are often our sanctuaries, and the thought of having them turned into a bustling hub for visitors can be less than appealing. But how do you communicate this to loved ones without causing offence or damaging relationships?

Fear not, dear members of the Seniors Discount Club, because an etiquette expert has come to our rescue with sage advice on how to handle such situations with grace and tact.


Firstly, let's acknowledge that it's completely reasonable to want to maintain your privacy and comfort. You've earned your space and the right to enjoy it as you please. However, when friends and family come calling with suitcases in hand, it's important to handle the situation with care.

The expert in question, content creator Navera, shared her insights on a TikTok video, addressing a question many of us might find relatable. 'I live in NYC, and my friends and family are always asking to stay with me. What's a polite way to get the message across that my apartment isn't a free hotel?' asked a viewer.

Navera's response was both straightforward and considerate: 'I'm not able to host anyone right now, but I'm so excited you're visiting New York. While you're here, let me know what would be a good time to go get dinner, coffee, a drink, a walk - whatever you prefer.' This approach acknowledges the excitement of their visit while firmly setting the boundary that your home is not available for accommodation.

Many of us can relate to Navera's past predicament of having friends who seemed to appear only when in need of a place to stay and then disappear once their trip was over. It's a common enough scenario that sparked a flurry of comments from others who had faced similar situations.


One commenter shared their own tactic: 'This happened to me once, and I said, 'I won't be able to do that, but if you get an Airbnb, I can tell you if it's in a good area or not.' Cue radio silence.' This response not only offers a polite refusal but also extends a helping hand in finding alternative accommodation.

Nick Leighton, an etiquette expert and host of the 'Did Wolves Raise You?' podcast, offered his favourite phrase for such occasions: 'Unfortunately, it's not possible.' He advises against providing explanations or excuses, as these can lead to negotiations you're trying to avoid. 'Repeat this phrase as necessary until they exhaust themselves,' he suggests.

For those of us living in smaller spaces, like the bustling apartments of major cities, the lack of space is a reality that some visitors may not fully appreciate. One commenter pointed out, 'I think people also don't understand that staying in someone's NYC apartment is very close quarters. It's an air mattress in the living room and sharing a bathroom, not a guest room situation.'


When it comes to your own peace of mind, setting boundaries is key. If you're not comfortable hosting, it's perfectly acceptable to say so. You can also offer alternatives, such as suggesting nearby hotels or helping them find a rental that suits their needs.

Remember, dear members, it's your home and your rules. You can be hospitable without being a hotelier. And if you're ever in doubt about how to handle a tricky social situation, don't hesitate to reach out to us here at the Seniors Discount Club for advice. We're always here to help you navigate the social seas with confidence and poise.
Have you ever had to turn away house guests? What strategies have you found effective? Share your experiences and tips in the comments below – your wisdom could be just the lifeline another member needs!