Living in an apartment can test even the most patient soul. Between paper-thin walls and neighbours who seem to think 11 pm is prime hoovering time, it's enough to make anyone reach for the phone to complain.
But one Australian family's unexpected approach to their noise nightmare has sparked a fascinating debate about whether a bottle of wine beats a formal complaint.
A Queensland mum recently shared her family's creative solution to dealing with upstairs neighbours who seemed to mistake their apartment for a gymnasium. 'They vacuum thrice a day, and I wish that was an exaggeration,' she posted on social media.
Rather than marching straight to the landlord or firing off an angry letter, this family chose a different path entirely.
They assembled a peace offering: a gift basket containing a soy candle, Ferrero Rocher chocolates, and a bottle of Pinot Noir, accompanied by a thoughtful handwritten note explaining how sound carries between apartments and requesting consideration for quiet evening hours.
The Psychology Behind the Peace Offering
This approach might seem overly generous, but there's solid psychology behind it. Gift diplomacy makes others feel important, which creates positive associations and helps strengthen relationships. An effective gift is not centred around cost or exclusivity, but rather, simplicity and thoughtfulness.
Conflict resolution experts consistently emphasise that your best option is to reach out to your neighbour in person in a quiet, unruffled moment. The key is addressing underlying needs rather than positions—in this case, the need for peaceful evenings rather than demanding silence at all times.
'You know it's hard to take that poorly when you drop off a basket of goodies'
A gift basket addresses multiple dimensions of conflict resolution by reframing the dispute as a shared problem rather than a battle. You can't control the behaviour of another person, but you can show up in a way that's going to invite them to participate smoothly.
Your Rights as an Australian Tenant
Before you start shopping for wine and chocolates, it's worth knowing your legal rights. Australian law recommends initially talking to neighbours about problems politely, and if disturbed by noise, asking your neighbour to reduce their noise or avoid making noise at certain times.
Australian Noise Regulations by State
NSW: Power tools and construction prohibited 10pm-8am weekdays, 10pm-8am weekends and public holidays
Victoria: Most councils prohibit power tools 8pm-7am weekdays, 8pm-9am weekends
Queensland: Generally 40dB limit in residential areas, with specific time restrictions varying by council
South Australia: Contact local council for specific noise ordinances
If talking doesn't work, you can lodge a complaint with your local council, though it helps to have a written record of repeated disruptions for at least a fortnight. For apartment dwellers, check your strata by-laws and take excessive noise complaints to the building's body corporate.
When Gifts Go Wrong: Lessons from the Trenches
Not every diplomatic mission succeeds. The Reddit responses revealed mixed experiences: one person warned that their neighbour 'found it patronising and unscrupulous,' while another shared how their gift basket resulted in a complaint to the leasing office about feeling 'uncomfortable.'
The key factors for success include proper timing—choosing a moment when emotions aren't running high, not immediately after a 2am vacuum session. Keep it neighbourly rather than patronising, as effective gift giving doesn't need to be flashy or extravagant. Instead, focus on conveying your attention to the recipient's needs through the vehicle of a gift.
Steps for Diplomatic Noise Resolution
- Document the problem: Keep a noise diary for at least two weeks
- Choose the right moment: Approach when both parties are calm
- Lead with empathy: Acknowledge they may not realise sound carries
- Be specific about needs: Request quiet hours rather than complete silence
- Offer compromise: Show willingness to work together on solutions
- Follow up graciously: Thank them for any efforts they make
Creative Alternatives to Wine and Chocolates
Other Australians have found success with different diplomatic approaches. Most noise concerns can be resolved with a simple conversation, so think about a range of possible solutions—do you want them to lower the volume or change the time they make noise? Be willing to compromise and work towards an agreement which satisfies both your needs.
Example Scenario
- The coffee shop card: One Sydney resident gave their studying neighbour a café gift card with a note about needing quiet for work calls
- The shared solution: A Melbourne family offered to split the cost of rugs for their upstairs neighbour's wooden floors
- The schedule swap: Perth neighbours worked out a timetable for noisy activities that suited both parties' routines
What to Do If Kindness Doesn't Cut It
Sometimes, despite your best diplomatic efforts, the situation doesn't improve. Try talking to your neighbour first—they may not be aware they are disturbing anyone and you may be able to come to an agreement. But if that fails:
- Contact your landlord or body corporate: If you're not able to talk to your neighbour, you can complain to the landlord or agent
- Involve your local council: If your neighbour is creating excessive noise with power tools or machinery, contact either your local council or EPA
- Consider mediation: Mediation involves a neutral person called a mediator who helps people talk through problems to try and find solutions
- Legal action as last resort: If your neighbour keeps making noise even after you have asked them to stop, you may be able to bring proceedings in a Local Court or NSW Civil and Administrative Tribunal
Did you know?
Did you know?
One Perth resident complained about aircraft noise more than 21,000 times in a single year, accounting for nearly half of all noise complaints in Australia—proving that sometimes persistent formal complaints can be just as ineffective as the problems they're trying to solve.
What This Means For You
Whether this family's wine-and-chocolate approach actually worked remains to be seen—Reddit doesn't always provide follow-ups. But the overwhelming response suggests that Australians are hungry for alternatives to formal complaints and legal battles.
When conflict is mismanaged, it can cause great harm to a relationship, but when handled in a respectful, positive way, conflict provides an opportunity to strengthen the bond between two people. In apartment living, that bond with your neighbours can make the difference between dreading going home and actually enjoying your sanctuary.
What's your take on gift basket diplomacy? Have you found creative ways to handle noisy neighbours, or do you think formal complaints are the only way to get results? Share your neighbourhood success stories (or disasters) in the comments below—your experience might just help a fellow apartment dweller find their path to peaceful coexistence.
Original Article
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/...tml?ns_mchannel=rss&ns_campaign=1490&ito=1490
Conflict Resolution Skills—HelpGuide.org
Cited text: When handled in a respectful and positive way, conflict provides an opportunity for growth.
Excerpt: Gift diplomacy makes others feel important, which creates positive associations and helps strengthen relationships
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/conflict-resolution-skills.htm
Conflict Resolution Skills—HelpGuide.org
Cited text: You can feel secure knowing your relationship can survive challenges and disagreements.
Excerpt: Gift diplomacy makes others feel important, which creates positive associations and helps strengthen relationships
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/conflict-resolution-skills.htm
Conflict Resolution Skills—HelpGuide.org
Cited text: Psychologist Connie Lillas uses a driving analogy to describe the three most common ways people respond when they’re overwhelmed by stress: Foot on th...
Excerpt: An effective gift is not centered around cost or exclusivity, but rather, simplicity and thoughtfulness
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/conflict-resolution-skills.htm
Gift Diplomacy
Cited text: No matter how small, he would always say, people liked to be thought of, and that we all love to feel special.
Excerpt: your best option is to reach out to your neighbor in person in a quiet, unruffled moment
https://medium.com/@onifade.fola/gift-diplomacy-174bf0d0acd6
Couple’s Signature Gift Embodies a Lifelong Interest in Conflict Resolution—Giving to GMU | George Mason University Advancement
Cited text: “Mason was growing then, and it seemed like the right place in Northern Virginia for an effort like this.” · French, a longtime practitioner in the fi...
Excerpt: Cognitive resolution involves how disputants understand and view the conflict, emotional resolution concerns how disputants feel about a conflict, and behavioural resolution reflects how the disputants act
https://giving.gmu.edu/s-car-gift-for-conflict-resolution/
Problems with the neighbours—when and how to complain | The Law Society of NSW
Cited text: If your neighbour is causing a nuisance, you should initially talk to them about the problem and ask them politely to stop or remove the nuisance.
Excerpt: Australian law recommends initially talking to neighbours about problems politely, and if disturbed by noise, asking your neighbour to reduce their noise or avoid making noise at certain times
https://www.lawsociety.com.au/for-t...oblems-with-neighbours/when-and-how-complaint
Problems with the neighbours—when and how to complain | The Law Society of NSW
Cited text: If you are being disturbed, usually the best thing to do is to ask your neighbour to reduce their noise or to avoid making noise at certain times of t...
Excerpt: Australian law recommends initially talking to neighbours about problems politely, and if disturbed by noise, asking your neighbour to reduce their noise or avoid making noise at certain times
https://www.lawsociety.com.au/for-t...oblems-with-neighbours/when-and-how-complaint
Property rights: What can I do about my noisy or disruptive neighbours in Australia?
Cited text: If the situation does not change after a reasonable conversation, you may lodge a complaint with your local council. It helps to have a written record...
Excerpt: If talking doesn't work, you can lodge a complaint with your local council, though it helps to have a written record of repeated disruptions for at least a fortnight
https://ownhome.com/articles/what-can-i-do-about-my-noisy-or-disruptive-neighbours
Property rights: What can I do about my noisy or disruptive neighbours in Australia?
Cited text: Also, if you live in an apartment, it is a good idea to check your strata by-laws and take your excessive noise complaint to the building’s body corpo...
Excerpt: check your strata by-laws and take excessive noise complaints to the building's body corporate
https://ownhome.com/articles/what-can-i-do-about-my-noisy-or-disruptive-neighbours
Gift Diplomacy
Cited text: I’ll call this language a strategy, instead.
Excerpt: You can't control the behaviour of another person, but you can show up in a way that's going to invite them to participate smoothly
https://medium.com/@onifade.fola/gift-diplomacy-174bf0d0acd6
Conflict Resolution Skills—HelpGuide.org
Cited text: A withdrawn or depressed stress response. You shut down, space out, and show very little energy or emotion.
Excerpt: Effective gift giving doesn't need to be flashy or extravagant. Instead, focus on conveying your attention to the recipient's needs through the vehicle of a gift
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/conflict-resolution-skills.htm
Noise Complaints in Apartments: Rules, Rights and Fixes—Azibo
Cited text: Consider small rent credits or rewards for tenants who can facilitate successful resolutions amongst themselves on noise problems without needing land...
Excerpt: Most noise concerns can be resolved with a simple conversation
https://www.azibo.com/blog/noise-complaints-in-apartments
Noise Complaints in Apartments: Rules, Rights and Fixes—Azibo
Cited text: Local and federal regulations define tenant ...
Excerpt: Most noise concerns can be resolved with a simple conversation
https://www.azibo.com/blog/noise-complaints-in-apartments
Noise Complaints in Apartments: Rules, Rights and Fixes—Azibo
Cited text: This incentivizes tenants to exercise diplomacy and compromise between themselves. Local and federal regulations define tenant and landlord rights and...
Excerpt: Think about a range of possible solutions—do you want them to lower the volume or change the time they make noise?
https://www.azibo.com/blog/noise-complaints-in-apartments
Making a noise complaint
Cited text: Try talking to your neighbour first. They may not be aware they are disturbing anyone and you may be able to come to an agreement.
Excerpt: Try talking to your neighbour first—they may not be aware they are disturbing anyone and you may be able to come to an agreement
https://www.legalaid.nsw.gov.au/my-problem-is-about/my-neighbour/noise/making-a-noise-complaint
Making a noise complaint
Cited text: If you are not able to talk to your neighbour, you can complain to the landlord or agent. If you and your neighbour have different landlords, you can ...
Excerpt: If you're not able to talk to your neighbour, you can complain to the landlord or agent
https://www.legalaid.nsw.gov.au/my-problem-is-about/my-neighbour/noise/making-a-noise-complaint
Property rights: What can I do about my noisy or disruptive neighbours in Australia?
Cited text: If your neighbour is creating excessive noise with power tools or forms of machinery, you can contact either your local council or EPA.
Excerpt: If your neighbour is creating excessive noise with power tools or machinery, contact either your local council or EPA
https://ownhome.com/articles/what-can-i-do-about-my-noisy-or-disruptive-neighbours
Making a noise complaint
Cited text: Mediation is a process where a neutral person called a mediator helps people talk through a problem to try and find a solution. A mediator does not de...
Excerpt: Mediation involves a neutral person called a mediator who helps people talk through problems to try and find solutions
https://www.legalaid.nsw.gov.au/my-problem-is-about/my-neighbour/noise/making-a-noise-complaint
Problems with the neighbours—when and how to complain | The Law Society of NSW
Cited text: If your neighbour keeps making noise even after you have asked them to stop, you may be able to bring proceedings in a Local Court or, in some circums...
Excerpt: If your neighbour keeps making noise even after you have asked them to stop, you may be able to bring proceedings in a Local Court or NSW Civil and Administrative Tribunal
https://www.lawsociety.com.au/for-t...oblems-with-neighbours/when-and-how-complaint
Australia’s most prolific complainant?
Cited text:
Excerpt: When conflict is mismanaged, it can cause great harm to a relationship, but when handled in a respectful, positive way, conflict provides an opportunity to strengthen the bond between two people
https://stories-thewest-com-au.stories.center/australias-most-prolific-complainant/
Lendi
Cited text: We cannot provide a description for this page right now
Excerpt: One Perth resident complained about aircraft noise more than 21,000 times in a single year, accounting for nearly half of all noise complaints in Australia
https://www.lendi.com.au/inspire/lifestyle/know-your-property-rights-noisy-or-disruptive-neighbours/
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