[Xe]

Joke of the Day (10 November 2021) - A Local One​

ScoMo is visiting a remote indigenous village, surrounded by the fawning Murdoch press. He speaks to the village elder and asks him how he can make the locals' lives better.
"Well," says the elder, "We've got two problems. We have a small health centre, which is amazing, but we don't have a doctor."
"No worries!" declares our PM. ScoMo pulls out his mobile (cell phone) and chats for a few minutes. "Sorted!" he says. "They'll be a doctor here on Monday! Now, what's your other problem?"

"We've got no mobile phone coverage..."

 

[Vinylted]

ScoMo is visiting an adjacent indigenous village where was to address a large gathering of the locals. The whole thing being TV broadcast by the taxpayer funded antagonistic ABC. During his speeech every point he made, every promise made was greeted with a huge cry of "Ungar" "Ungar" by the assemblage. This went on the the whole meeting.. ScoMo was well pleased with the result. As the chief escorted him back to his chopper, he was heard to say, "careful you don't step in any of the Ungar prime minister."

 

[Quiltynut]

Santa and his wife wanted to spilt up, but there aren’t any divorce lawyers in the North Pole.
So, they got a semicolon instead; They’re great for separating independent Clauses.

 

[Vinylted]

Santa and his wife wanted to spilt up, but there aren’t any divorce lawyers in the North Pole.
So, they got a semicolon instead; They’re great for separating independent Clauses.

New for me, funny AND a groaner..

 

[Superfrog]

A Quickie in the Bushes.
There are two statues in a park; One of a nude man and one of a nude woman.
They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred
years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a
single gesture, brings the two to life!
The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a
hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'
He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.
The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues...
After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.
The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?'
He asks her 'Shall we?' She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions.
This time I'll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head!!!
......and you were thinking??