[Athena E.]

'Is this woman unreasonable for not sending a Mother's Day basket to her daughter-in-law?​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/InitialSong2898:

Am I being unreasonable for telling my daughter-in-law she is not a mother?

'I (64 years old, female) have three kids and they are all married. This post is about my son and his wife, Jenny. Jenny struggles with infertility and she has no children. My other son (daughter-in-law is expecting next month) and my daughter has recently had a her own kid (grandson). '

'Everyone was busy for Mother’s Day and they couldn’t meet up with me for the holiday (that's fine, they are starting their own families). I thought it would be nice to send my expecting DIL/son and my daughter a Mother’s Day basket.'

'So, Jenny always made comments that her two dogs are the first grandkids, I always thought it was a joke. She is big on being a dog mum. My daughter posted a picture of in the group chat of everything she got for Mother’s Day and included the basket. My other DIL also thanked me for her basket in the chat.'

'Jenny called me soon after and asked where her basket was. I was confused and asked what she meant (I thought she was pregnant and she was just telling me now). She clarified since I have two grandkids by her already and said her dogs' names. '

'I was even more confused at this and she clarified that she is her dogs' mother and should have gotten a basket. I told her she is not a mother, Mother’s Day is for women that raise human children, and not pet owners. She got really upset and cursed me out for not getting her a basket and that she is a parent.'

'My son is telling me to apologise and to send a Mother’s Day basket over. He is calling me a j*** for not sending her a basket and telling her she is a pet owner. Am I unreasonable?'

 

[Bridgit]

Well may I suggest that you are a jerk... as your DIL hasn't been able to achieve a baby her dogs have become her babies... I think what you said was cruel and unnecessary!

 

[sylfield]

I think treat all three equally

 

[Rita]

Of course she is a mum.. to her dogs, as I am to my dog and cat. You are being unreasonable, as she is truly a mum .. to fur babies!

 

[Jo Piper3]

She is not a mother but a dog owner. Don't feel bad. (Maybe you should not have made the other gift baskets public though)

 

[gayle222]

Both my children have not blessed me with grandchildren,that ship has sailed along time ago. However they both have fur children to which I’m Nana and proud of it. Please include your DIL fur babies in any special times like Xmas,Easter and their birthdays.

 

[KarenD]

I tend to agree, it would have been a nice gesture to send a basket, so yes I feel you have been unreasonable by singling her out.

 

[PepeLePew]

WTAF!! This world has gone mad. I occasionally give my DIL a gift for Mother's Day but it doesn't happen every year, her husband (my son) may also get a gift on Father's Day but again that doesn't happen every year. My youngest son is the proud owner & 'Daddy' of 2 ring neck birds but be fuc*ed if I am buying or giving him a damn thing for Father's Day. His birds are his pets, they are animals, they are not human.
This sounds as bad as a friends daughter who thinks that she should receive a present on her twin daughters birthday as it is her Birthing Day and she should be acknowledged for this as well. She certainly doesn't get anything from her mother but the grandchildren do as it is their Birthday not their mothers.
I on the other hand am a very loving mum to my furbaby, she is my world but at the end of the day she is a dog and not a human and therefore I would never expect a gift just because I tell everyone that I am her mum and she is my baby girl. That would be just weird!!

 

[Janine tanner]

Your dil needs to grow up and realise that she is not a mother but a pet owner. Big difference

 

[MariaG]

I have to ask...why is a mother in law giving mothers day gifts to anyone other than her own mother?
It's up to the husbands to make sure all bases are covered on behalf of the kids, furry or bald, 2 legged, or 4.
What a load of twaddle.

 

[Miss Jewel]

No you are not, she is being ridiculous as is your son. If he can't stand up to her then you refusing her is the right thing.

 

[zacca]

I have one daughter in law that has given me a grandson and one daughter in law that does not want children although her partner my son would make a great dad. They have 2 cats and 2 dogs and they think of them as their children. Her mother treats the fur babies as grand kids because it looks like that’s all she’s getting from both of her children.
But to me no they are animals and she is not a mum.
The younger generation needs to wake up.

 

[Frida1944]

My God - what absolute nonsense. She's a dog owner! I think the DIL should consider some form of counselling if she considers her animals to be her children. What kind of crazy world are we living in that this nonsense is even considered normal?

 

[Veggiepatch]

The more people I meet, the more I love my dog....

 

[novezar]

I look at it this way.
Mum knew that the DIL couldn't conceive & should have included her with the present as the other "Mums"
in her family as a real good gesture of thoughtfulness.

 

[Craftingnonna]

Our daughter is trying to get pregnant, and it breaks my heart that I can’t send her a gift for mothers. If she had pets that she called her babies, I definitely would send her a Mother’s Day gift.
The way I see this situation is, that your daughter in law needs to nurture someone whether a human baby or her pets, surely you must understand how she feels where is your compassion. In my opinion you are the reason that mothers in law are disliked.

 

[Suzanne rose]

Her first big mistake was giving her daughter and daughter inlaw a mother's day gift. It's up to the husband and children.

Secondly , how ridiculous the daughter inlaw requesting a gift because she has dogs did she give birth to these dogs, did she breast feed these dogs, did she sit up endless nights when they were either spewing or had a fever.
Did she walk the floor while they were screaming while teething.
Did she drop them off and pick up from school for 12 years.
The list of what a mum goes on and on

How can anyone ever compare Their dog to a human child.

No difference between a dog, a cat , A horse, a Guinea pig or even a Goldfish but A HUGE DIFFERENCE TO A HUMAN CHILD.

That's also another story at how some people treat their animals better than their human children

 

[electricblanket]

Why are you giving gifts to your sons or daughters in law for Mothers Day? They should be acknowledging YOU
Mothers Day is for YOU to acknowledge YOUR mother, if she is still around.
I can understand the daughter who has no children being put out, but Mothers Day is for her and your other children to acknowledge YOU.
(There are other days and other ways to acknowledge children and pets)

 

[Suzanne rose]

Did the mother receive gifts from her children ?

Did the childless daughter inlaw receive a gift from her own husband or dogs

 

[HelenB55]

OMG !!!!!
I think I’ll book in to see a Psychiatrist !!!!

I understand life is hard, but also I think some people need to get their priorities together and start living “normal lives”.

Can we just go back to the 1960 & 1970’s ? Life was so much easier back then