[Athena E.]

Is it unreasonable to refuse to run errands for an elderly neighbour?​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/IndividualYouth93:

Am I being unreasonable for refusing to do my neighbour’s shopping after helping her once, even though she could order online?

'A couple of weeks ago, my elderly neighbour (let’s call her Jean) knocked on my door and asked if I was “popping to the supermarket anytime soon”. I was, so I said I didn’t mind grabbing her a few bits.'

'She gave me a short list—milk, bread, Rich Tea biscuits, that sort of thing—and I dropped it off later that day. No drama. She gave me the money, I said it was no bother.'

'But then two days later, she knocked again. Another list. Then again. And again. Now I’m getting shopping lists handed to me three times a week, with specific brands, odd requests, and once she even asked if I could swing by the pharmacy to collect her prescription.'

'I finally told her, as politely as I could, that I can’t keep doing it. I work full time, I’ve got kids, and honestly, I’m shattered most days.'

'I also pointed out that she can order groceries online—most retailers do deliveries—and there’s a pharmacy just down the road that offers free prescription delivery. She’s mobile enough to go into her garden and down the street, so it’s not like she’s housebound.'

'She got really cold and muttered something about how she “thought I was better than the rest of them.” Since then, a couple of neighbours have been a bit frosty, so I’m wondering if she’s had a moan.'

'I do feel a bit guilty—but am I unreasonable for not wanting to be a full-time errand runner when there are perfectly reasonable alternatives?'

 

[Bill MacL]

Definitely not, once in a while is ok but she is now taking advantage of your kindness.

 

[blueevie]

This lady is using you. Please put a stop to it.
Your frosty neighbours will understand when she tries it on them!

 

[goatwhisperer]

Definitely not being mean. Im always happy to help anyone, but you are quite right to set boundaries when you feel you are unfairly being taken advantage of.

 

[Buchanfarmer]

Maybe your neighbour needs a friend to chat with and the lists are just an excuse? Maybe she isn’t computer savvy and needs a nudge there? Maybe like me, she is afraid of crowds just like me after living in Mexico it’s and having been held up many times with an AK47 shoved in my face. The attacker was shot and killed by my security guard, it wasn’t pretty.
so e times maybe think about the other person not the moment, try to make conversation and weed out the issue, then yiu can make suggestions of how things can be done for her.

 

[maddiem]

Certainly on small urgent errands, but using you like a personal shopper is sressing the friendship.

 

[natalielocket]

She is taking advantage of you. A Friend of mine had the same problems. The Lady across the road, has home help, and my Friend told the neighbor to get intouch with the Provider to get the shopping done as well. Or get her Son, who lives in Sydney to get it organised. While I was House Sitting for this Friend, the neighbor asked me to take her to the Dr`s, I did, but then she wanted me to take her to the Supermarket. As it was across the road, it didn`t matter, but then she started to calling out to me, in the end I just told her I was busy, and visiting other Friends in the area. Unfortunately, sometimes we just have to harden up and not be taken advantage of.

 

[Buchanfarmer]

Please, if you all Kay back, sip your gin or what ever, May I ask what can you see here?
To me it’s an older person that has little human interaction.
oh yes she has this and that, but have those providers time for a chat, cup of tea for example?
People are People, love or hate them. Think Vicar of Dibly.
‘people need people to talk with, chat and interact.
I live in a rural remote area in East Gippsland, been through droughts, fires and floods and more fires. Was totally surrounded. Close 200 meters or much less but we survived. Am still reliving that what could I have done better - nothing.
it hits me every day and that was 2019/2020. My mate burned, my friends lost homes my community devastated. We still live that.
‘Think and maybe chat a lot with your neighbour, maybe you will find the root cause and connect her to more appropriate services.
Never give up. I met a man in 2023 he was sweeping leaves and I stopped to chat, I stand out very country. week before last I saw him again, he said Hi Doug. Umm I didn’t recall giving my name but said hi Harry still sweeping. He said you are the only one who chats to me, yes always, how you. An hour later. He said I saw you ask that lady, you wee lost, yeah can’t see much niw. Be back in a few month, bye Harry

 

[Luckyus]

Maybe, she is needing a bit of company?

 

[darrellh]

I wonder why she hasn't asked the neighbours who are now frosty or maybe she did and they said no and suggested you and it looked like it worked for a while. But that is using you and fair enough when you work full time and have a family. I remember what that's like, life is really busy.