[SGH]

HOW TO KNOW YOU'RE GROWING OLD​

You turn out the light for economic reasons rather than romantic ones.

You stop looking forward to your next birthday.

You walk with your head held high, trying to get used to your bifocals.

You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall.

You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

You begin to outlive enthusiasm.

You can't tolerate people who are intolerant.

The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

A fortune teller offers to read your face.

You decide to procrastinate, but then never get around to it.

Your favourite part of the paper is "25 years ago today".

Your children begin to look middle aged.

Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.

You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 106 around the golf course.

You regret all those times you resisted temptation.

You feel like the morning after and there wasn't a night before.

After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying a second coat.

Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.

You look forward to a dull evening.

Your back goes out more than you do.

The little grey-haired lady you helped across the street is your wife.

You join a health club and don't go.

You get your exercise acting as a pallbearer for your friends who exercise.

You remember today, that yesterday was your wedding anniversary.

You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.

The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off.

Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

You get winded playing chess.

You're startled the first time you are addressed as "old timer".

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up every time you see a pretty girl.

Dialling long distance wears you out.

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.