[Danielle G.]

Holiday plans hit a snag... now mum's upset, but who's being unreasonable?​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from HonestAd7375:

'I had booked a short holiday package followed by a cruise over a year in advance. Because I'd be paying the same price for the cruise for one or two people, I asked my mum if she wanted to come for free - so she would fly out a few days after me, to stay with me for a night or two, then join for the cruise.'

'She wasn't 100% certain because she was anxious about flying transatlantic on her own. I talked her through the transfers etc and made it as simple for her as possible. I said I would need a final answer about 4 months before the cruise, as that was the final payment date and any further changes (i.e. taking her off the booking) would charge a fee after that point, but obviously I had to provide accurate information about who was coming on board.'

'The final payment date came and went - she still wasn't certain because we hadn't yet booked flights due to prices being high (we were waiting for a sale). I booked my flights about 2 months before the trip, and she seemed hesitant but booked hers.'

'The next day I called the hotel to ask if they could add her name on the booking (it's a very well known resort and this should have been fine) but the call handler said no, she would have to buy the package. I rang my mum and said that was incorrect advice so I'm going to ask the Facebook community for some advice but worst case scenario, she'd have to get a hotel elsewhere for 1-2 nights.'

'She panicked and cancelled her flights as it was within 24 hours. She said she wouldn't risk going and wasn't prepared to look at other hotels. I said if she cancels her flights I'll take that that she's not coming, because I need to update the booking asap as the fee could go up the closer to the trip. She accepted that and cancelled anyway, so I removed her from the booking and had to pay a small fine. She didn't offer to help or pay the fine.'

'I really struggle with plans changing - I also live for my holidays, so this was stressful for me. It took a lot to get my head around going on my own, but I finally got excited to go solo. My mum never takes accountability, never apologises, never gives emotional support, and always plays the victim.'

'A month before the trip, she says she actually wants to go and is going to ring the resort and cruise to try to sort it out. She told me this, not asked. I said I'm not doing anything to help with it. Of course then she rings me saying they can't do anything as she's not the booking owner, and can I ring them. I said no, she didn't give me an answer when I asked, she hasn't apologised for messing me around, and she didn't help when I had to remove her from the booking, so she just has to accept she missed the deadline.'

'She's upset with me, and I'm mad that I now feel like my holiday is ruined because either I add her back to the booking when I now don't really want her to go because of how she's acted, or I don't, and have to deal with the emotional guilt-tripping. My stance is to not add her... but does that make me unreasonable?'

 

[Suzanne rose]

My mum never takes accountability, never apologises, never gives emotional support, and always plays the victim.'

So why did you add her in the beginning ?

I dont think it was properly organised anyway , I can see how the mum panicked being told she needed to find last minute accommodation for the couple of nights before. She may have worried it would be expensive or she may not have gotten accommodation at all.
Her daughter made it sound like it was a free trip
The daughter is the unreasonable one

 

[JKD]

I think the prospect would have been very daunting for her mother and surely she should have some compassion. I am not surprised she panicked at such a short time before the flight. Yes the daughter is being totally unreasonable in my opinion.

 

[kdzimm]

Too much mucking around for you. If your Mum had really wanted to go she would have made up her mind ages ago and been excited to go. Go by yourself and enjoy the rest. I have a family member very like this. Great at telling others if they have done something she doesn't approve of, but can't take it and goes into victim mode if she does something others disapprove of.

 

[natalielocket]

Too much mucking around for you. If your Mum had really wanted to go she would have made up her mind ages ago and been excited to go. Go by yourself and enjoy the rest. I have a family member very like this. Great at telling others if they have done something she doesn't approve of, but can't take it and goes into victim mode if she does something others disapprove of.

Agree