He used our sister’s ring to propose—now I want it back. Am I wrong?
AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Classic-Amphibian963.
'Am I being unreasonable for asking for my dead sister's ring back after my brother used it to propose?'
My sister died when I was like 6, and she was 17. We weren’t super close or anything, but I still remember little bits of her. Her laugh, how she always painted her nails, her posters. She was like this perfect angel to my mum after she passed. i barely remember the funeral.
When I was, like, 12, I found this old ring in her stuff. Nothing fancy, just a silver ring with a small stone. It fit me and I don't know why, but I kept it. It wasn’t some big dramatic thing, I didn’t steal it or anything, I just… took it and started keeping it. I didn’t wear it loads or flaunt it, just had it in this little box, and sometimes I’d look at it when I missed her. It kinda became this one thing that felt like mine, like my piece of her.
So anyway, last weekend, we had this family lunch and my brother (27, male) brought his girlfriend, whom everyone knew he was gonna propose to. And yeah, he stands up, does the big speech, and pulls out THE ring. My sister’s ring. The one I’ve kept for like 7 years.
I literally froze. His girlfriend starts crying, people are clapping, I’m just sitting there like 'what the f***.' I look at my mum and she just smiles at me like nothing happened. After dinner, I ask her, 'Was that the ring?' and she’s like, 'Yeah, your brother asked me and Dad, and we said it was fine.' She said it was sweet and symbolic, and my sister would’ve wanted it passed down or whatever.
And I was like '??? It was never yours to give though??? Like, I’ve had it for years??' And she just goes, 'Oh, come on, it’s just a ring, don’t be dramatic.' But like when I had it, it wasn’t 'just a ring'.
So yeah, I kind of snapped. I waited till people were outside, and told my brother, I wanted it back. He laughed at first, then, was like 'No, WTF.' And I said, 'Okay, well then, I’ll tell your girlfriend where it came from and let her decide.'
He got mad, said I was ruining his proposal and making it about me like always. My mum dragged me into the kitchen, saying everyone noticed I wasn’t happy and that I left halfway through dinner. Yeah, because I was crying in the bathroom.
Dad tried to calm it down, but my brother kept going on about how selfish I was and that I’d been weird about my sister for years. I didn’t even say anything; I just left early and haven’t spoken to any of them since.
Mum rang me yesterday, asking if I had calmed down yet and if I was ready to say sorry. I said, 'Not really,' and she hung up.
My cousin texted me later saying it was super messed up and she doesn’t blame me, but I don't know. I probably could’ve handled it better but i just felt so blindsided. It’s not even about the ring, it’s just like... They acted like it didn’t matter to me. Like I didn’t matter.
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