Grandma Refuses to Babysit: Find Out Why Her Shocking Decision Is Causing Such an Outrage!

In a world where the traditional roles of grandparents often include being part-time caregivers to their grandchildren, one Australian grandmother's bold declaration has sparked a national conversation about the expectations placed on seniors during their retirement years.


Melbourne writer Avril Moore, a grandmother of eight, has candidly expressed her and her husband's decision not to provide regular childcare for their grandchildren, a stance that has ignited both support and criticism across the country. In an opinion piece for The Age, Moore described child-rearing as 'abject drudgery' and emphasized her desire to enjoy her golden years without the responsibility of raising another generation.


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Melbourne writer Avril Moore sparked controversy by refusing regular childcare for her grandchildren. Credit: Shutterstock


'The truth is we simply don't like it,' Moore stated, challenging the glossy lifestyle advertisements that depict grandparenting as an endless parade of joy and wonder. Her words resonate with a growing sentiment among seniors who feel pressured to conform to societal expectations of grandparental duties.


Moore's perspective sheds light on the often unspoken realities of grandparenting: the relentless routine of caring for young children, which includes feeding, nappy-changing, and dealing with sickness, all of which can be exhausting and time-consuming. She distinguishes between the joy of occasional visits and activities with grandchildren and the demanding nature of full-time babysitting.

The part-time lecturer also touched on the gendered expectations that grandmothers should naturally step into the role of caregiver, a notion she resents. She criticized the double standard of men who are now praised for taking on childcare duties after having been absent from such responsibilities in their own children's lives.

The backlash to Moore's stance has been significant, with some readers labeling the job of caring for grandchildren as 'thankless' and agreeing that it's unfair to expect grandparents to be free labor. Others, however, view grandparenting as a privilege and an opportunity to foster close relationships with their grandchildren, suggesting that the rewards of family time far outweigh the challenges.


The debate is set against the backdrop of a broader childcare crisis in Australia. According to Victoria University's Mitchell Institute, many Australians live in 'childcare deserts' with limited access to daycare, and those in regional or remote areas may have no childcare centers available at all. With recent fee increases and staff shortages, affordable childcare is becoming increasingly difficult to secure, even as the government attempts to alleviate the burden with subsidies.

This situation has led to a reliance on grandparents as a stopgap solution, a dynamic that raises questions about fairness and the right of seniors to enjoy their retirement without the obligation of additional child-rearing responsibilities.

Members of the Seniors Discount Club, we want to hear from you. What are your thoughts on this controversial topic? Have you felt the pressure to step into a caregiving role for your grandchildren? Or do you find joy and fulfillment in being an active part of their upbringing? Share your experiences and opinions in the comments below.


Key Takeaways
  • Melbourne writer Avril Moore has sparked controversy by stating she and her husband will not be providing regular childcare for their grandchildren.
  • Moore describes child-rearing as 'abject drudgery' and expresses resentment towards social expectations that grandmothers should engage in unpaid childcare.
  • The debate has divided opinions, with some readers supporting her stance and others advocating the joys and importance of grandparents being involved with their grandchildren.
  • The discussion highlights larger issues of childcare access in Australia, including areas with limited daycare options and the impact of recent childcare fee increases and government subsidies.

As we navigate the complexities of modern family dynamics, it's clear that the conversation around grandparenting and childcare is evolving. Whether you stand with Avril Moore or take a different view, one thing is certain: the role of grandparents in today's society is a topic ripe for discussion, and it's one that affects many of us in the over 60s community.
 
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The best I ever heard was a couple who I met while working for a doctor. The husband had a pronounced Yorkshire accent and they told me he'd just retired. I asked if they'd take the opportunity to go to the UK now they had no work to worry about. He'd never been back and hadn't seen any of his family in 40 years.

His wife quickly informed me that it would be at least 15 years before they could travel. When I asked why, she said they have a commitment to their daughter and her husband to babysit their children. Both worked for the local council and started work at 6am. The children were two and four.

I couldn't believe my ears when she told me the arrangement: Daughter, husband and kids came for tea every Sunday night. After tea, daughter and husband went home, leaving the two children. The children stayed with the grandparents until Friday night, when daughter and husband came for tea and then went home, taking the children. They had their children for 48 hours a week. I asked if they visited to see kids during the week, but she said no, they're too tired after working all day.

I still can't decide who was worse, the kids' parents for using her parents to raise their kids, or the grandmother for doing it.
 
...."the double standard of men who are now praised for taking on childcare duties after having been absent from such responsibilities in their own children's lives.".......

Yes; I seem to recall having to go to work every day to pay the mortgage whilst the wife stayed at home. And when the kids went to their playschool before their Primary School, I had to go to work and pay the bills. Yes; we blokes are so horridly lazy.

To be reasonable, it is time the Federal Government organised "Nursery Schools" for those children between age 3 and 4 years old, with properly trained teachers and have children start Primary School at age 5. It would enable a couple of years of extra education besides lessening the burden on women. I suppose having children is a burden?
 
I had my girls early and was still working when they had kids - so I didn't do it and only saw them once a year when they came up to us for part of their holidays and when we went south to see them and my parents. I am a great gran and when these arrived their Mum still worked so she didn't do it either - I have only seen my great grandchildren 3 times and the oldest is 13 now - so I suppose the parents were not interested in staying in the family unit as it were - we are reconciled to that and they will probably want to know us again when we have one foot on the banana peel - lol.
 
...."the double standard of men who are now praised for taking on childcare duties after having been absent from such responsibilities in their own children's lives.".......

Yes; I seem to recall having to go to work every day to pay the mortgage whilst the wife stayed at home. And when the kids went to their playschool before their Primary School, I had to go to work and pay the bills. Yes; we blokes are so horridly lazy.

To be reasonable, it is time the Federal Government organised "Nursery Schools" for those children between age 3 and 4 years old, with properly trained teachers and have children start Primary School at age 5. It would enable a couple of years of extra education besides lessening the burden on women. I suppose having children is a burden?
I haven't agreed with you on anything Rob44, however on this I concur!
 
I helped look after my grandchildren for most of their younger years, it wasn’t expected but I offered and was happy to do it. It involved anything from arriving at their house at 4.30am, getting them up, fed, dressed and dropping to school or preschool, to some after school pickups and taking to sports, swimming lessons, dance etc. sometimes getting their tea and getting them bathed and ready for bed. I also did full day care of younger ones, not every day, just when parents were both at work. When my last grandchild was born and mum returned to work after twelve months I was ready to drop from full time to part time work so I organised my work days for the days when mum and or dad were off. I loved being a part of their lives and helping care for them, we had amazing times together and made amazing memories. I was lucky to have a job working from 9-3 when I was helping with the older ones so caring for them fitted in with my work hours. Sometimes they would stay overnight at our house when mum and dad were both working night shift. Our grandson and his m7m and dad lived with us until he was nine months old. at least once a week I would look after him and get up to him through the night so mum and dad got a full nights sleep. hubby used to help as well and often did school drop off and pick up. The times I spent caring for my grandchildren were so special, we are really close and I have and still love every minute I get to spend with them. They don’t live as close to us now but we face time them every week and they still love to come stay with us in every school holidays, even if only for a few days.
 
Because we are not a family oriented society, or even a community oriented society, but rather an individual centred society, individuals feel they must live their own lives rather than contributing to the overall good of society. That is their individual choice.
 
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From another perspective, which maybe right or wrong or indifferent to others, I do wonder if Avril Moore's story is because she is a writer as well as someone who lectures others and especially with the first listed job, is it that which leads her to make such statements. Is she really just outing a hidden desire to continue writing.

By that I mean writers need and crave silence in order to write in manner that allows for continuity of thought. Introduce a pack of eager to make a noise Grandchildren and we have an instant conflict of massive proportions. The ankle biters of today appear to be slightly more amped, although not a lot in it from yesteryears versions.

Maybe its a case of her inability to manage situations or put aside writing for the time spent with Grandchildren. She certainly did a job on her husband in putting him in the spotlight when talking about men being absent at some point being a double standard when they now want to bond with Grandkids!

Or is it just simply as she said and finds it an "abject drudgery". Good on her for saying as much and standing up for herself. It's a personal thing and for us, it works for all the family, but it wasn't without some trials.

I don't view it as a black and white. Maybe it's because my son makes a big effort to ensure we not being taken for granted. I never feel any societal pressure to have to look after the G'kids. Maybe Avril did and as a writer decided to express herself, in The Age, so that all and sundry would know her position and stop getting stuck into her.

Truth is, for us, there's a happy medium to be found. If my son, or his partner is in strife and stuck between a rock and a hard place with kids/worklife management, he knows with great confidence that we will happily step in and care for the G'kids and find it joyful most of the time. But as his partner found out, do not expect us to be be locked into a set daily routine, because we have a life as well. Once that was sorted, life for ALL became better and no need to tell her via The Age.
 
I don’t have grandchildren & they would be living in WA anyway so I wouldn’t ever have to look after them, thank goodness. Being a grandmother wasn’t in my plans so it’s worked out well. I’ve watched my sister almost mentally broken because of constantly looking after rather badly behaved grandchildren. The twins have ADHD & autism & one has anger management problems. I’m amazed that they don’t display many problems when they visit me. They obviously worked out long ago not to annoy Aunty Pat!
 
I don’t have grandchildren & they would be living in WA anyway so I wouldn’t ever have to look after them, thank goodness. Being a grandmother wasn’t in my plans so it’s worked out well. I’ve watched my sister almost mentally broken because of constantly looking after rather badly behaved grandchildren. The twins have ADHD & autism & one has anger management problems. I’m amazed that they don’t display many problems when they visit me. They obviously worked out long ago not to annoy Aunty Pat!

I agree, I have 2 that are stepg'kids. One has Autism and one Adhd. Yes for sure in new situations they are seemingly on best behaviour esp in someone else's house. But, from experience, boy o boy they're a genuine challenge to anyone's mental stability.
 
There is no "one size fits all" in this situation. When my first granddaughter was born I looked after her on a Monday and Friday while working part time the other days of the week and that worked out well. My youngest granddaughter is 14 months old and I just look after her occasionally for a few hours. I am now 6 years older and am a full time carer for my husband so this works ok. I think the main thing is to talk to the parents and work out what is reasonable for all concerned. I never felt I was pressured to care for the kids but I do enjoy it.
 
Sorry but I still prefer to work - my grandkids are 21 & 18 and while I have always been happy to visit, I was not inclined to step in as surrogate parent. I had my child & brought him up as a solo parent - had to make do with a latchkey kid and missed out on a social life - so what - he was MY responsibility. My grandkids are not.
 
I enjoy having my grandkids but there also has been times where l have felt overwhelmed due to my health issues. I do feel grandparents play a huge roll in childrens lives. I am very blessed to have a closeness to all my grandchildren. We had a lot of fun together. We are all different some people love helping with the grandkids some only enjoy seeing them occasionally. Some feel they have brought their kids up and that is it. I do find my generation are a lot more hands on grandparents than my parents generation. I had no help at all one set of grandparents were older and very old fashioned to the point that children should be seen and not heard. They preferred the company of my husband their son more than the grandkids the other grandparents lived interstate. It made my husband and I very independent and with our two kids we have always been the four musketeers.
Everyone to their own.
Kind regards to all Vicki
 
When you decide to have children in my opinion you take on their responsibility. You don’t go into it expecting anything from anyone else. As a grandparent myself I think it is wonderful to be part of loving them, but it’s not my job to think I have to care for them. In any area if need I would be ready and available to help. I guess I am guided by my own mother’s ideas. Especially since we moved to Australia and had to stand on our own two feet. I don’t think it had anything to do with other people it’s what suits you and your family. Too many people have opinions that have nothing to do with them
 
For the past 6 years my wife has driven to the home of one of our daughters, 20 minutes away, to pickup our granddaughter & drives her to school (primary & now high school). There are other occasions when she does this too. There are times when other arrangements need to be made for her to get to school. This is a labour of love & not something that my wife must do. She goes early, has a cuppa & chat before the trip to school.
 
I loved looking after my grandkids and now they all live interstate I miss them dreadfully. I would give anything for them to be regularly in our lives. It was such a special time when they had sleep overs. Our youngest granddaughter lives in a seperate state from her cousins, we only see her twice a year but we face time once a week. The others much less often. They were such a big part of our lives. We are both retired now and expected we could have more time with our grandkids, not less. It makes me so annoyed when grandparent complain about looking after their grandkids I would give anything to still be looking after mine.
 
For the past 6 years my wife has driven to the home of one of our daughters, 20 minutes away, to pickup our granddaughter & drives her to school (primary & now high school). There are other occasions when she does this too. There are times when other arrangements need to be made for her to get to school. This is a labour of love & not something that my wife must do. She goes early, has a cuppa & chat before the trip to school.
Bless Mrs Ezzy
For the past 6 years my wife has driven to the home of one of our daughters, 20 minutes away, to pickup our granddaughter & drives her to school (primary & now high school). There are other occasions when she does this too. There are times when other arrangements need to be made for her to get to school. This is a labour of love & not something that my wife must do. She goes early, has a cuppa & chat before the trip to school.
Bless Mrs Ezzy you are a super grandma.
Kind regards Vicki
 
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