[Luckyus]

Funny Adult Jokes
At Your Peril​

What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?​

A trip without kids.

What’s the difference between your dick and a bonus check?​

Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.

What’s the difference between a pick-pocket and a peeping tom?​

One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cubes have in common?​

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?​

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?​

One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?​

Because his wife died.

What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?​

Beat it. We’re closed.

Why was the guitar teacher arrested?​

For fingering a minor.

What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?​

A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?​

Ken came in a different box.

What does the receptionist say as you leave the sperm bank?​

“Thank you for coming!”

What do you call a nanny with breast implants?​

A faux-pair.

How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?​

The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

What do you call a guy who cries when he masturbates?​

A tearjerker.

Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?​

Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.

What’s the real definition of a male chauvinist pig?​

A man who hates every bone in a woman’s body—except his.

How are Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman the same?​

Once you take away the legs and the breasts you’re left with one greasy box to put your bone in.

What’s the best way to respond when a girls asks “what’s up”?​

“If I tell you, will you sit on it?”

What does it mean if a man remembers the color of a woman’s eyes after a first date?​

She’s got small tits.