Friends forever: Discover the secret to making lasting friendships in your golden years
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As people gracefully step into their golden years, the tapestry of lives begins to change. Children have flown the nest, careers have wound down, and the hustle and bustle of daily life often quiets.
One constant necessity is the warmth of friendship.
However, the nature of these friendships can evolve as we age, and it's essential to understand how to cultivate and maintain these bonds to enrich our later years.
Pat Mathews, a retiree from Melbourne's western suburbs, faced a reality many people encounter upon reaching retirement: the prospect of loneliness due to a lack of local friends.
After a bustling career and a long commute that left little time for socialising, Pat realised that her post-work life required a proactive approach to avoid isolation.
She remembers thinking: ‘You’re going to have a lonely life if you don’t do something.’
This is a common scenario for many seniors, as social networks tend to shrink due to various life changes such as friends moving away, passing away, or simply because our interests evolve over time.
Research underscored the importance of close relationships for happiness and longevity, with one in five older Australians experiencing social isolation.
But for those determined to maintain or expand their social circles, the question arises: how does one go about it, and how does the pursuit and experience of friendship change in later life?
Professor Tim Windsor from Flinders University pointed out that older individuals often have smaller social networks because their priorities shift.
They focus less on future-based goals and more on supporting the quality of their current life, cherishing those close to them.
This shift in perspective is echoed by Pat Mathews, who, as an introvert, found making new friends to be a 'slow burn' that required a strategic approach.
‘You don’t take things at face value,’ she shared. ‘When you’re young, you take everything at face value.’
As Pat transitioned to retirement, she reduced her work hours and joined local groups aligned with her interests, such as gardening and a book club. This strategy paid off, resulting in meaningful friendships centred around shared interests.
She formed close relationships with people from these groups, sharing produce, attending events, watching movies, and organising dinners and drinks.
Now in her 70s, Pat has four new friends in her inner circle.
‘It’s a good thing to have something in common to start off a friendship,’ she stated.
However, Pat is now more selective with the term ‘friend’, recalling how she used it loosely in her younger days.
‘Friends are people that come and go in my home. And I go to theirs,’ she explained.
More than that, her new friends are rooted in the present, and she is no longer seeking approval as she did in her younger years.
‘You pick up [from] where you are in life, and you take the friendship forward,’ she shared. ‘I’m much more self-sufficient … and very strong in how I want to live my life.’
The idea that having more friends is better may not hold true in older age. Professor Colette Browning, a Health Psychologist, emphasises the importance of meaningful connections in which one can be one's authentic self.
‘In older life, it’s more around meaning, feeling like you can be honest, your authentic self with people. You’re not playing a role,’ she said.
Meanwhile, Professor Catherine Haslam's research at the University of Queensland highlights the importance of social ties, showing that well-connected individuals cope better with life's disruptions, such as retirement, illness, and loss.
Group-based connections, including friendship networks and community groups, play a crucial role in providing support during these times.
Maria Govers, a 65-year-old woman, shared a story that illustrates the profound impact of friendship during challenging times.
After facing the loss of loved ones, Maria found solace and strength in her connections with others, including a new friend named Clara, who she describes as her soul mate.
‘We’ve become very close,’ Maria expressed.
The new friendship was formed after working a 14-hour shift together for the Australian Electoral Commission. Even though they were from different backgrounds, they immediately connected.
‘I don’t recall ever having had a connection with someone so different to me in terms of background,’ she admitted.
They exchanged social media information and continued building their friendship over coffee, lunch, and good conversation.
‘I like the way she thinks. I like the way that she challenges me and the advice that she gives,’ she added.
For those seeking to forge new friendships, Professor Haslam advised finding volunteer opportunities and local networks that resonate with personal interests, as these are more likely to be sustainable and meaningful.
‘Don’t just go to any activity. Go to something that floats your boat, go to something that is meaningful to you,’ she explained.
Roger Dougan, a 76-year-old retiree, strongly believes that while having family nearby is crucial, friends are the tonic to a healthy and fulfilling life.
He admitted that as he has grown older, it has become more challenging to find opportunities to make friends compared to his school days when he had a young family or was working. Currently, he dedicates his time and energy to sustaining his existing friendships.
‘As we age, we need to try harder to put ourselves in the right place to allow engagement with like-minded folk who could be considered friends over time,’ he admitted.
Professor Browning suggested that making friends may take time, so don't give up easily.
‘You have to say, well, I’m going to need to try a few different things to see where my new tribe might be.’
The secret to lasting friendships as we age lies in being proactive, seeking out activities that align with our values, and being open to new experiences.
Whether it's through shared hobbies, volunteering, or simply striking up a conversation with a stranger, the opportunities to form meaningful connections are abundant.
It's about quality over quantity, authenticity over approval, and embracing the present moment with those who make us feel valued.
So, members, let's cherish the friendships we have and remain open to the new ones that await us. Do you have stories of friendship to share or tips for making friends? Post them in the comments below!
One constant necessity is the warmth of friendship.
However, the nature of these friendships can evolve as we age, and it's essential to understand how to cultivate and maintain these bonds to enrich our later years.
Pat Mathews, a retiree from Melbourne's western suburbs, faced a reality many people encounter upon reaching retirement: the prospect of loneliness due to a lack of local friends.
After a bustling career and a long commute that left little time for socialising, Pat realised that her post-work life required a proactive approach to avoid isolation.
Pat Mathews realised that she lacked local friends. Image source: Pexels
She remembers thinking: ‘You’re going to have a lonely life if you don’t do something.’
This is a common scenario for many seniors, as social networks tend to shrink due to various life changes such as friends moving away, passing away, or simply because our interests evolve over time.
Research underscored the importance of close relationships for happiness and longevity, with one in five older Australians experiencing social isolation.
But for those determined to maintain or expand their social circles, the question arises: how does one go about it, and how does the pursuit and experience of friendship change in later life?
Professor Tim Windsor from Flinders University pointed out that older individuals often have smaller social networks because their priorities shift.
They focus less on future-based goals and more on supporting the quality of their current life, cherishing those close to them.
This shift in perspective is echoed by Pat Mathews, who, as an introvert, found making new friends to be a 'slow burn' that required a strategic approach.
‘You don’t take things at face value,’ she shared. ‘When you’re young, you take everything at face value.’
As Pat transitioned to retirement, she reduced her work hours and joined local groups aligned with her interests, such as gardening and a book club. This strategy paid off, resulting in meaningful friendships centred around shared interests.
She formed close relationships with people from these groups, sharing produce, attending events, watching movies, and organising dinners and drinks.
Now in her 70s, Pat has four new friends in her inner circle.
Pat shared that she joined local groups that aligned with her interests. Image source: Shutterstock
‘It’s a good thing to have something in common to start off a friendship,’ she stated.
However, Pat is now more selective with the term ‘friend’, recalling how she used it loosely in her younger days.
‘Friends are people that come and go in my home. And I go to theirs,’ she explained.
More than that, her new friends are rooted in the present, and she is no longer seeking approval as she did in her younger years.
‘You pick up [from] where you are in life, and you take the friendship forward,’ she shared. ‘I’m much more self-sufficient … and very strong in how I want to live my life.’
The idea that having more friends is better may not hold true in older age. Professor Colette Browning, a Health Psychologist, emphasises the importance of meaningful connections in which one can be one's authentic self.
‘In older life, it’s more around meaning, feeling like you can be honest, your authentic self with people. You’re not playing a role,’ she said.
Meanwhile, Professor Catherine Haslam's research at the University of Queensland highlights the importance of social ties, showing that well-connected individuals cope better with life's disruptions, such as retirement, illness, and loss.
Group-based connections, including friendship networks and community groups, play a crucial role in providing support during these times.
Maria Govers, a 65-year-old woman, shared a story that illustrates the profound impact of friendship during challenging times.
After facing the loss of loved ones, Maria found solace and strength in her connections with others, including a new friend named Clara, who she describes as her soul mate.
‘We’ve become very close,’ Maria expressed.
The new friendship was formed after working a 14-hour shift together for the Australian Electoral Commission. Even though they were from different backgrounds, they immediately connected.
‘I don’t recall ever having had a connection with someone so different to me in terms of background,’ she admitted.
They exchanged social media information and continued building their friendship over coffee, lunch, and good conversation.
‘I like the way she thinks. I like the way that she challenges me and the advice that she gives,’ she added.
For those seeking to forge new friendships, Professor Haslam advised finding volunteer opportunities and local networks that resonate with personal interests, as these are more likely to be sustainable and meaningful.
‘Don’t just go to any activity. Go to something that floats your boat, go to something that is meaningful to you,’ she explained.
Roger Dougan, a 76-year-old retiree, strongly believes that while having family nearby is crucial, friends are the tonic to a healthy and fulfilling life.
He admitted that as he has grown older, it has become more challenging to find opportunities to make friends compared to his school days when he had a young family or was working. Currently, he dedicates his time and energy to sustaining his existing friendships.
‘As we age, we need to try harder to put ourselves in the right place to allow engagement with like-minded folk who could be considered friends over time,’ he admitted.
Professor Browning suggested that making friends may take time, so don't give up easily.
‘You have to say, well, I’m going to need to try a few different things to see where my new tribe might be.’
The secret to lasting friendships as we age lies in being proactive, seeking out activities that align with our values, and being open to new experiences.
Whether it's through shared hobbies, volunteering, or simply striking up a conversation with a stranger, the opportunities to form meaningful connections are abundant.
It's about quality over quantity, authenticity over approval, and embracing the present moment with those who make us feel valued.
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