Facing the heartbreak of dementia: Can love survive? One husband shares his controversial journey to a new relationship
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Navigating dementia and relationships can be a challenging and heart-wrenching process. But, unfortunately, it is an emotional landscape some will face.
One Australian man, Eric Reeves, was met with this situation when his wife of 30 years began slipping away due to early-onset dementia.
Eric’s wife, Gaye, passed away from early-onset dementia at 54, marking the end of a ‘tortuous’ six years.
He told reporters that he watched his wife, his partner of 30 years, ‘gradually slip away’.
‘In the end, it was like she was there, but she wasn't,’ he said.
Eric could barely speak at the wake to celebrate his late wife’s memory. However, he had a loving and dedicated companion there to lend support – his girlfriend, Tami.
Tami, a nurse, said she ‘organised the whole thing’.
According to Eric, he and Tami met on a dating site two years after Gaye was diagnosed. Gaye had recently moved into a care home, and Eric was ‘feeling the void’.
He shared: ‘I missed coming home from work after a tough day and having someone there to comfort you, to give you hugs and chat with you. I felt like my companion was gone, and it hit me hard. Sometimes, she didn't recognise me and often wouldn't let me into the room to see her.’
Then, his daughter suggested dating and convinced him to set up a profile online.
‘I didn’t feel guilty because I knew I was still committed to my wife, and I'd always be there to look after her,’ Eric explained.
Divorced mum-of-three Tami was immediately sympathetic to Eric’s situation.
‘His relationship status was listed as "complicated" online, but when we met, he cried and told me the whole story,’ she stated.
According to her, they had an ‘instant connection’, and she said that it was easy to talk to him. Tami also described Eric as ‘a lovely and kind man’.
‘I also had an urge to help him and his family through this awful time. I knew it was going to be difficult, but I put my big girl pants on and told myself I had to just do it. Eric needed me,’ she revealed.
On the other hand, Eric said he was ‘thrilled’ to have a ‘truly amazing person’ beside him, showing him nothing but ‘comfort and sympathy’.
And although Tami and Eric’s relationship began unconventionally, it’s not as uncommon as you think.
Anna Lyons, a trained, non-medical companion who supports people with life-limiting illnesses, said that people don’t feel comfortable acknowledging ‘unconventional’ relationships for fear of being judged.
‘But it does happen,’ she stated.
Earlier this year, billionaire car mogul Wolfgang Porsche, 79, divorced Claudia, his wife of 16 years, two years after she was diagnosed with dementia.
It was reported that he divorced her because of ‘personality changes’. Within a few months, he moved in with his new girlfriend Gabriele, who is 20 years younger than him, and paid carers to look after his ex-wife.
In the earlier stages, signs of dementia can include uncharacteristic aggression, anger and extreme agitation.
Many articles were immediately published online, accusing him of ‘wasting no time’ swapping his sick wife for a ‘younger model’.
Ammanda Major, Head of Clinical Practice at the Bereavement Charity, Relate, said: ‘A lot of people judge others for starting new relationships – but how do you know until you're in that situation? It is extremely difficult when the person you love doesn't acknowledge you are there.’
Eric and Tami both argued that their relationship benefitted Gaye because she had another person looking after her.
Tami even ‘picked up the torch’ whenever Eric struggled with visits. ‘I’d go to make sure she was being properly taken care of,’ she shared.
‘On the first Christmas, after she died, I filled the house with her decorations so the children could feel her around. I always incorporated her in whatever we did,’ Tami continued.
However, at the end of 2021, their relationship came to an end.
‘We grew apart. He struggled to speak about the trauma of the last decade, and I found that hard,’ Tami explained before adding that neither she nor Eric regretted their relationship.
‘Gaye gave me children and grandchildren to love. I am grateful for that,’ she said.
Members, what are your thoughts on this topic? Is it okay to start a new romantic relationship when a partner has dementia – but is still alive? Let us know your opinions in the comments below!
One Australian man, Eric Reeves, was met with this situation when his wife of 30 years began slipping away due to early-onset dementia.
Eric’s wife, Gaye, passed away from early-onset dementia at 54, marking the end of a ‘tortuous’ six years.
He told reporters that he watched his wife, his partner of 30 years, ‘gradually slip away’.
‘In the end, it was like she was there, but she wasn't,’ he said.
Eric could barely speak at the wake to celebrate his late wife’s memory. However, he had a loving and dedicated companion there to lend support – his girlfriend, Tami.
Tami, a nurse, said she ‘organised the whole thing’.
Eric said he watched his wife ‘gradually slip away’. Credit: Maria Lindsey Content Creator/Pexels
He shared: ‘I missed coming home from work after a tough day and having someone there to comfort you, to give you hugs and chat with you. I felt like my companion was gone, and it hit me hard. Sometimes, she didn't recognise me and often wouldn't let me into the room to see her.’
Then, his daughter suggested dating and convinced him to set up a profile online.
‘I didn’t feel guilty because I knew I was still committed to my wife, and I'd always be there to look after her,’ Eric explained.
Divorced mum-of-three Tami was immediately sympathetic to Eric’s situation.
‘His relationship status was listed as "complicated" online, but when we met, he cried and told me the whole story,’ she stated.
According to her, they had an ‘instant connection’, and she said that it was easy to talk to him. Tami also described Eric as ‘a lovely and kind man’.
‘I also had an urge to help him and his family through this awful time. I knew it was going to be difficult, but I put my big girl pants on and told myself I had to just do it. Eric needed me,’ she revealed.
Tami said she was ‘immediately sympathetic’ to Eric’s situation. Credit: Matthias Zomer/Pexels
On the other hand, Eric said he was ‘thrilled’ to have a ‘truly amazing person’ beside him, showing him nothing but ‘comfort and sympathy’.
And although Tami and Eric’s relationship began unconventionally, it’s not as uncommon as you think.
Anna Lyons, a trained, non-medical companion who supports people with life-limiting illnesses, said that people don’t feel comfortable acknowledging ‘unconventional’ relationships for fear of being judged.
‘But it does happen,’ she stated.
Earlier this year, billionaire car mogul Wolfgang Porsche, 79, divorced Claudia, his wife of 16 years, two years after she was diagnosed with dementia.
It was reported that he divorced her because of ‘personality changes’. Within a few months, he moved in with his new girlfriend Gabriele, who is 20 years younger than him, and paid carers to look after his ex-wife.
In the earlier stages, signs of dementia can include uncharacteristic aggression, anger and extreme agitation.
Many articles were immediately published online, accusing him of ‘wasting no time’ swapping his sick wife for a ‘younger model’.
Ammanda Major, Head of Clinical Practice at the Bereavement Charity, Relate, said: ‘A lot of people judge others for starting new relationships – but how do you know until you're in that situation? It is extremely difficult when the person you love doesn't acknowledge you are there.’
Eric and Tami both argued that their relationship benefitted Gaye because she had another person looking after her.
Tami even ‘picked up the torch’ whenever Eric struggled with visits. ‘I’d go to make sure she was being properly taken care of,’ she shared.
‘On the first Christmas, after she died, I filled the house with her decorations so the children could feel her around. I always incorporated her in whatever we did,’ Tami continued.
However, at the end of 2021, their relationship came to an end.
‘We grew apart. He struggled to speak about the trauma of the last decade, and I found that hard,’ Tami explained before adding that neither she nor Eric regretted their relationship.
‘Gaye gave me children and grandchildren to love. I am grateful for that,’ she said.
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