[phantomrose102]

DRUNK​

Looks like I might be losing my driver’s license—all because of one overly sensitive cop…
Here’s how it all went down when I got pulled over:
**Officer:** “License and registration, please. I think you’ve been drinking.”
**Me:** “I swear, I haven’t had a drop.”
**Officer:** “Alright, let’s do a little test. Imagine you’re driving on a highway at night. Up ahead, you see two lights in the distance. What is it?”
**Me:** “A car.”
**Officer:** “Of course! But what kind? A Mercedes, an Audi, or a Ford?”
**Me:** “I have no idea.”
**Officer:** “Aha! You must be drunk.”
**Me:** “That doesn’t make any sense—I told you, I haven’t been drinking.”
**Officer:** “Okay, one more test. Imagine you’re driving at night and see just one light coming toward you. What is it?”
**Me:** “A motorcycle.”
**Officer:** “Right! But what kind? A Honda, a Kawasaki, or a Harley?”
**Me:** “I have no idea.”
**Officer:** “Exactly what I thought—you’re drunk!”
At this point, I was getting seriously annoyed, so I decided to flip the script.
**Me:** “Alright, my turn. Imagine you’re driving on a highway at night and see a woman on the roadside. She’s wearing a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, high heels, and just a bra. What is she?”
**Officer:** “A prostitute, obviously.”
**Me:** “Sure. But which one? Your daughter, your wife, or your mother?”
…And that’s how I ended up with a court date.

 

[Ginny Burke]

Love it

 

[Sandygwalk]

Tomatoes.

 

[Emile Harber]

Crazy