[Michelle Engbino]

Do you think it's reasonable to leave your family in this situation?​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Casst_Dean.

'I (20m) am the middle child in a family that honestly feels like a case study for what family therapy tries to prevent. My mum’s an alcoholic with serious psychological issues and a bit of an Oedipus complex that even Freud would throw his hands up at.'

'My older brother (28) who is a bit of an addict dropped out of university years ago and survives off debts and favours that usually I end up paying for. My teen sister can't even make her own breakfast, and my 12-year old brother (who’s autistic) is probably the most emotionally mature person in the house.'

'Well, I’ll be brief. Basically, I've been taking care of everyone for as long as I can remember. I don't want to sound like a victim, but it's the truth. When I was a teenager, I spent countless nights picking up my mother from “work events” where she would get drunk until she passed out, urinated on herself, and start yelling at her coworkers.'

'My older brother constantly asked me for money to pay off his debts from buying marijuana, and my sister always came to me crying after another fight with my mother, or whenever she needed money for some “emergency” that turned out to be cinema tickets.'

'A few weeks ago, I received the best news of my life: I was accepted into a scholarship and internship programme in London. It was an incredible opportunity because it was something I had worked hard for while studying and working two jobs.'

'I cried. I'm not even ashamed of it. For once, I felt that all the sacrifices and sleepless nights had been worth it. That night I told my family, foolishly expecting them to be proud of me.'

'They weren't.'

'My mother basically asked me who would help her pay the bills when I left. Then she started yelling across the dining room. My older brother told me it must be easy for me to jet off to Europe while leaving them to sink into the s***, and my sister accused me of abandoning her, saying I had promised her I would always be there for her, and then brought up the mistakes I made when I was 16. Even my little brother called me an i****, although I'm pretty sure he was just repeating what he had heard others say.'

'They all called me selfish. When I'm still the invisible pillar of this family. I don't earn much, but everything I have ends up in their hands somehow. I never thought about abandoning them or cutting off contact, but their reaction left me dismayed.'

'I've been selling my things, saving every penny, organising my paperwork, and preparing to leave at the end of the year. None of them talk to me anymore. And honestly? This time, I'm not going to apologise for taking a chance or thinking about what they want. But I can't help thinking about how much my family will fall apart if I leave (even though I'm not even thinking about leaving for good).'

'They don't even talk to me and they spend their time talking rubbish about me. Honestly, the one I'm most worried about is my younger brother, it's not his fault. So, am I being unreasonable?'

 

[Zuki]

Not at all. Self preservation will make them cope. You only get 1 life. Go for it and good luck to you.
.

 

[Argie]

No you are not being unreasonable. GO do it and good luck

 

[LadyOwl]

You only have one life!
You have wasted most of it on your family... go do your thing, in the long run they will also be better off

 

[RobbyNotTheRobot]

I don't need to read all of it.
Pack you bags and run and keep running.
Blood is not thicker than water, that is a guilt trip set up for abuse.
Run and don't turn back.

 

[kdzimm]

You live in a house full of manipulators who have had it easy scunging off you. Get out, do what you have worked so hard for and don't give them your phone number or address so they cant cry poor over the phone. Disappear and live the life you deserve.

 

[Jo Piper3]

You are only 20 yrs old, give the family back their responsibilities and please enjoy your scholarship and internship.

 

[PammW]

You are not unreasonable! Don't let them drag you back in, change your phone number, email and whatever else they could contact you with. You've done more than enough for them, it's time for YOU!

 

[Safety]

Has anybody attempted to show your sister how to make her bed? She should have been shown how to do it a few times when she was young. Some young children have a short attention span. Is your sister a "special needs" person or just lazy and needs more discipline. Who does the housework, your Mum or is that delegated to you too??

 

[Suzanne rose]

Im curious as to where these stories of AIBU come from. Are they made up ? Are they taken from a show or from an article

I know they are not questions written on here.

As for the question , they are guilt tripping her. While she continues to support them financially they are not going to get any better
She will be doing both herself and family a favour by moving away.
For her she will finally have done something for herself and maybe her family will grow up and help not just themselves but each other including the so called mother!!

 

[orange]

Good grief I am surprised you are still able to think for yourself after what some members of your Family have put you through.. take the opportunity that has come your way and let them
Take responsibility for their actions . I feel sorry for your 12 yr old Brother but it’s about time your Mother took some responsibility in making sure he was taken care of.. DONT give in just leave.

 

[7777]

This story may seem incredible, but in actual fact, there are families who live in even worse situations than this. My daughter would tell me when she was in primary school, how a student in her first year of school, would cry on many occasions during lunch time, because his mother did not have money to make or buy him lunch, because of her gambling habit. The school canteen would then provide the student with an emergency sandwich during lunch time. My daughter would sometimes buy him chips or a juice drink during lunchtime. Apparently the mother was spoken to by child welfare but sadly, she continuous to gamble. People who live the perfect carefree life may think that this is a made up story, but like I stated there are many very sad families with children, whos older family members consume drugs or alcohol, or gamble, or commit crime, or engage in domestic violence, on a daily basis. Yes I believe this story is true, and the male sibling should follow the opportunity to change his life for the better. His family members are able to do everything to survive themselves. They are trying to make him feel guilty for leaving, because they got so use to being spoilt by the make siblings 24/7, house work, personal care and financial assistance.

 

[HelenB55]

While you have been there helping them with their problems & issues, they don’t have to think for themselves.

By you pursuing your dream, leaves them to work out what they MUST do.

Life has many forks in the roads….. some wonderful….. some not so good, So how are you to know which one to take if you don’t take the one offered to you?

I wish you well whatever you do. You seem level-headed & mature, so I’m sure you already know what to do.

Your family will survive

 

[Jo Piper3]

Im curious as to where these stories of AIBU come from. Are they made up ? Are they taken from a show or from an article

I know they are not questions written on here.

As for the question , they are guilt tripping her. While she continues to support them financially they are not going to get any better
She will be doing both herself and family a favour by moving away.
For her she will finally have done something for herself and maybe her family will grow up and help not just themselves but each other including the so called mother!!

It's actually a male 'I (20m) am the middle child in a family'.

 

[Safety]

Im curious as to where these stories of AIBU come from. Are they made up ? Are they taken from a show or from an article

I know they are not questions written on here.

As for the question , they are guilt tripping her. While she continues to support them financially they are not going to get any better
She will be doing both herself and family a favour by moving away.
For her she will finally have done something for herself and maybe her family will grow up and help not just themselves but each other including the so called mother!!

I have witnessed this in families (thankfully not in mine) Sadly there is sometimes alcohol, drugs or a person who genuinely has special needs.

 

[Suzanne rose]

I have witnessed this in families (thankfully not in mine) Sadly there is sometimes alcohol, drugs or a person who genuinely has special needs.

My sister who is 58 is a drug addict and has been since she was 21. She had all her kids taken off her at one stage. Her eldest daughter died in foster care when she was 12.
As the older ones got out of foster care they would visit her and they would then provide her with food ect.

She had two more kids and somehow managed not to lose them.
The youngest is now 12 and on the spectrum. Her daughter who is now 22 basically provides for him and my sister while at the same time fighting cancer.

I wished my sister who become the mother she has never been

 

[RNgoodgee49]

You need to live your life to survive.
Congratulations of your achievement & go happily into your hard won future.
As a great, great grandmother I can honestly say our children are not responsible for their parents or siblings mistakes.

 

[marni]

I have experienced this situation. Please leave and have a great future. I would ask that you contact welfare for the sake of your young brother and ask them to do welfare checks. Does he go to a special unit? They need to
Know about the family situation.