Note from the Editor:
This article was kindly written for the SDC by retired psychologist/ member @Joy Straw. Before we jump in to today's story, I would like to thank Joy for writing this article. At the end of last week, I reached out to our SDC Rewards members and asked them how they set boundaries with their loved ones, after I was really struggling with how much I had on. I ended up getting quite sick over the weekend due to overwhelming myself. When I logged onto work on Monday, I had this article sitting in my inbox. Joy had written an 'Ask Joy' especially for me. I just wanted to take a moment to thank her for her time and for how thoughtful this article was, and also to all of our SDC Rewards members who offered their advice. We have such a wonderful online community that I am incredibly grateful for. I hope you enjoy this piece as much as I did!

For a lot of people setting a boundary can be difficult. Being asked to babysit, make meals, go on a committee, work extra hours or just say no because you’re tired of all these things and many more. This in turn creates anxiety, stress, anger, frustration and exhaustion in many of us. How can we learn to say no or set a boundary that works for us?

The first stage is to work out what is stopping us from forming a healthy boundary. This could be as simple as guilt because ‘its family’, shame because ‘we feel we should do more’, Anxiety because we ‘can’t work out what to do,’ or the big, one being a People Pleaser, amongst many other things. Or a combination of all of the above.

Are you good at setting boundaries? Maybe you can share your advice in the comments below! Image source: Shutterstock.

‘Those who get angry when you set a boundary are the ones you need to set boundaries for’ - J.S. Wolfe.

Types of boundaries

• Emotional: Feelings, opinions, wishes and needs. What you share and how much. Accepting responsibility for your own emotional needs.
• Time and energy: Self-care to allow time to replenish your energy. Who you choose and how much you choose to share yourself with?
• Mental: Not allowing manipulation, coercion, bullying or gaslighting. Functioning at your very best. Freedom to have your own thoughts, values and opinions.
• Physical: Take care of your physical self. Choose how much and with whom you choose to share your body. Remember No means No.
• Material: Finances and possessions. Choose how much you want, or not want, to share and with whom.
• Internal: Self regulation of energy to revitalise. Remember boundary setting is a ongoing process. Set boundaries for well-being, not as a way of controlling others.

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[lonelyasacloud]

Great advice

 

[Luckyus]

Note from the Editor:
This article was kindly written for the SDC by retired psychologist/ member @Joy Straw. Before we jump in to today's story, I would like to thank Joy for writing this article. At the end of last week, I reached out to our SDC Rewards members and asked them how they set boundaries with their loved ones, after I was really struggling with how much I had on. I ended up getting quite sick over the weekend due to overwhelming myself. When I logged onto work on Monday, I had this article sitting in my inbox. Joy had written an 'Ask Joy' especially for me. I just wanted to take a moment to thank her for her time and for how thoughtful this article was, and also to all of our SDC Rewards members who offered their advice. We have such a wonderful online community that I am incredibly grateful for. I hope you enjoy this piece as much as I did!

For a lot of people setting a boundary can be difficult. Being asked to babysit, make meals, go on a committee, work extra hours or just say no because you’re tired of all these things and many more. This in turn creates anxiety, stress, anger, frustration and exhaustion in many of us. How can we learn to say no or set a boundary that works for us?

The first stage is to work out what is stopping us from forming a healthy boundary. This could be as simple as guilt because ‘its family’, shame because ‘we feel we should do more’, Anxiety because we ‘can’t work out what to do,’ or the big, one being a People Pleaser, amongst many other things. Or a combination of all of the above.

View attachment 37287

Are you good at setting boundaries? Maybe you can share your advice in the comments below! Image source: Shutterstock.

‘Those who get angry when you set a boundary are the ones you need to set boundaries for’ - J.S. Wolfe.

Types of boundaries

• Emotional: Feelings, opinions, wishes and needs. What you share and how much. Accepting responsibility for your own emotional needs.
• Time and energy: Self-care to allow time to replenish your energy. Who you choose and how much you choose to share yourself with?
• Mental: Not allowing manipulation, coercion, bullying or gaslighting. Functioning at your very best. Freedom to have your own thoughts, values and opinions.
• Physical: Take care of your physical self. Choose how much and with whom you choose to share your body. Remember No means No.
• Material: Finances and possessions. Choose how much you want, or not want, to share and with whom.
• Internal: Self regulation of energy to revitalise. Remember boundary setting is a ongoing process. Set boundaries for well-being, not as a way of controlling others.

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Quisque in diam id erat facilisis consectetur vitae vel urna.

Ut lacus libero, suscipit auctor ipsum sit amet, viverra pretium nisl. Nullam facilisis nec odio nec dapibus. Integer maximus risus et velit porttitor ullamcorper

Read more for FREE!

Become a member today and join over 200,000 Australians already taking advantage of daily news, weather, petrol costs, games, jokes, deals and more.

• 

  FREE 400-page Discount eBook upon joining

• 

  FREE Aussie-made eBook & many more

• 

  Multiple daily discounts for members

• 

  No payment required

Register Faster Using

• Continue with Facebook
• Continue with Google
• Continue with Apple

Or Register with email

Join the club

Already a member?

Log In

[Veggiepatch]

A great article.

 

[havingadoggyday]

I find that when people won't take no for answer, this usually works...just f**koff.

 

[The winner is]

Great article. It's hard to say no and a way to do it nicely. I smile and say "sorry, I'm not comfortable in doing this "and after a while the more you say it the easier it gets to say no.